3 months after, it's hit me again.

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FelineGood
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3 months after, it's hit me again.

Post by FelineGood » Thu Oct 04, 2018 8:23 am

We lost Jasper at the end of June. Last Thursday was the 3 month anniversary and I was in tears most of the day. I later put it down to hormones but most of this week I have cried every day.

I feel guilt that he was out the front, we didn't know Jasper and his brother Elijah were going on the front. I just feel so so sad that we won't see him grow up. He was almost a year old when he died. His brother has matured so much in these last 3 months. He conveys so much with a look and is so clever. He alerted us to the fact the back gate was open last week. We just miss seeing Jasper mature. We miss him trotting down stairs when he heard dry food put out.

We adopted a kitten 2 months ago to keep Elijah company. It might have been too soon but he was the last of the litter left with his Mum and we wanted Elijah to get used to a new cat whilst he was still youngish
They have a good bond now but I feel guilty that I love Elijah more because of what we've been through. The kitten is an adorable little rascal and I love him but Elijah and his brother had such a beautiful bond. I think I'm scared of losing the kitten so I daren't get too attached to him.

My other half doesn't really understand. He was away when Jasper was killed. He didn't hold his warm lifeless body. I hate having that memory. He said that Japser would be huge by now so I got upset talking about him and he didn't understand why I was upset because he had blocked a lot of it out. It was me and the children who were there, I wish they hadn't seen him but when the neighbour knocked I really thought it wasn't Jasper who had been killed.

The last day of his life I was so busy and stressed because my car was in the garage and I needed it because my daughter had ballet rehearsals and an exam. I have a memory of him in the back garden relaxing in the shade with dust and blossom petals between his paws. I wish I had spent more time with him on that last day. For me the summer of 2018 will be remembered as the summer we lost Jasper.
Last edited by FelineGood on Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

issiandarchie+68
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Re: 3 months after, it's hit me again.

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Oct 04, 2018 2:18 pm

Oh Honey, don't despair, your feelings of loss and grief are perfectly natural. I had a 1yr old cat 30yrs ago, he was sitting on garden wall, my neighbours kids knocked on door. They had seen some schoolkids pick him up and carry him across road. Before they could do anything, kids lost interest, dropped him, he dashed back... I rushed out into traffic to pick up his warm, crushed body, blamed myself for 'letting him out the front'. As for your husband, bear with him. When we lost Cody and Armand in 2016, my grief was plain to see. My lovely hubby would get annoyed.. Why are you crying again/talking about it/will this crying never end?. BUT.. later he started to drown his sorrows in wine, became depressed, slept a lot, would only admit his sorrow months later. Men are odd sods. Of course you love Elijah more, he has been part of your family longer but your love for the new kitten will steadily grow. Over the years, whenever I added a new cat to the family, and there have been plenty, it always took a while for me to get used to the smell of their little bodies, the different sensation and feel of them when cuddling, their habits, even my wee Cody, a beautiful cat from the inside out. But boy did I grow to love them all, sometimes I felt my heart would burst, you will be the same. It's natural for you to miss Jasper chipping up to the food bowl and 'wondering' but this will pass. Life moves on and you will always remember your beloved pal, sometimes shed a wee tear, but the horrible anguish will fade. Sending huge virtual hugs.

Issi

Bertie 2017
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Re: 3 months after, it's hit me again.

Post by Bertie 2017 » Fri Oct 05, 2018 6:58 am

Hi so sorry for your loss ,I perfectly understand ,what you are going through ,losing a cat at
At any age ,is heartbreaking enough ,but one as young as jasper ,who had so muck more
Living too do ,life is so unfair ,sometimes ,the way you’re feeling right now isn’t
Hormones ,it’s grief ,pure and simple ,don’t feel ashamed of your feelings ,trust me
I have been there ,I lost my cat Bertie ,last November ,he was only seven ,I felt
So cheated by the years we lost out on ,years filled with happiness and unconditional love ,
It’s been hard ,I was thinking of getting another cat for his brother basil who is eight years old now ,but basil is so lazy ,but jaspers brother is still young ,and will benefit
From a playmate ,seeing kittens at play ,brings a smile too any face ,and a lot of joy ,
Too a household ,I do hope you find peace soon ,and remember everyone here
Knows and understands ,what you’re going through
Take care
Bertie’s mum x

FelineGood
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Re: 3 months after, it's hit me again.

Post by FelineGood » Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:06 am

Issie
I read your reply last night but my battery ran out before I could reply. Thank you so much for your reply, it really helped. I know with time it will be easier but I completely underestimated how losing a cat would feel. I've lost my Mum and also a baby in pregnancy and losing Jasper felt such a huge shock. I couldn't eat or sleep at first. I can sometimes talk fondly about him without getting upset but sometimes I think it would have been better if he had lived in the adoption centre, the staff are lovely and he would have had still been alive.

Bertie2017,
I have read your posts and I'm really sorry for the loss of your precious Bertie. I sometimes feel bad because I have friends who have lost children in young adulthood and I think why am I in such a state over a pet. When I think with my head I try and imagine that he had the best life and packed so much into his 11 months. The rescue centre said his early months were wretched as he had cat flu when he was young. It did come back a few weeks before he was killed but he got over it with medication. Maybe it would have kept on getting worse with age. He shone brightly like a beacon for 11 months and was loved so much.

Maybe in a few years you could get a kitten for Basil. If money was no object for pet insurance I would like 3 so if anything else happened there wouldn't be a cat left alone.

Bertie 2017
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Re: 3 months after, it's hit me again.

Post by Bertie 2017 » Wed Oct 10, 2018 12:49 am

Hi thanks for your support ,I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself ,for feeling the way ,
You feel ,I like yourself have experienced other losses ,in the last five years ,I lost
My mum ,my uncle ,due too cancer ,but losing Bertie was like kicking me when your down ,
I believe cats ,can give you something ,no one else’s can ,unconditional love ,sadly I
Can never have children ,so I see my cats ,as my furry kids ,and love them just the same way .so yes losing one so young. Has devastated me ,still when I hear your story ,I feel
Blessed too have had Bertie ,for that long ,we packed so much into them seven years ,
And Bertie left me the perfect gift ,his brother basil ,it’s hard losing a beloved cat ,
But I hope in time ,you will find peace and happiness ,and never ever feel you
Have too excuse your feelings ,and feel embarrassed by them ,it’s perfectly acceptable
Too feel the way you feel ,Jasper was your whole world ,sadly for a short time ,
But I am sure he enriched your life , and remember you are among friends
Who have experienced , the heartbreak of losing a cat ,

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