3 months after, it's hit me again.
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 8:23 am
We lost Jasper at the end of June. Last Thursday was the 3 month anniversary and I was in tears most of the day. I later put it down to hormones but most of this week I have cried every day.
I feel guilt that he was out the front, we didn't know Jasper and his brother Elijah were going on the front. I just feel so so sad that we won't see him grow up. He was almost a year old when he died. His brother has matured so much in these last 3 months. He conveys so much with a look and is so clever. He alerted us to the fact the back gate was open last week. We just miss seeing Jasper mature. We miss him trotting down stairs when he heard dry food put out.
We adopted a kitten 2 months ago to keep Elijah company. It might have been too soon but he was the last of the litter left with his Mum and we wanted Elijah to get used to a new cat whilst he was still youngish
They have a good bond now but I feel guilty that I love Elijah more because of what we've been through. The kitten is an adorable little rascal and I love him but Elijah and his brother had such a beautiful bond. I think I'm scared of losing the kitten so I daren't get too attached to him.
My other half doesn't really understand. He was away when Jasper was killed. He didn't hold his warm lifeless body. I hate having that memory. He said that Japser would be huge by now so I got upset talking about him and he didn't understand why I was upset because he had blocked a lot of it out. It was me and the children who were there, I wish they hadn't seen him but when the neighbour knocked I really thought it wasn't Jasper who had been killed.
The last day of his life I was so busy and stressed because my car was in the garage and I needed it because my daughter had ballet rehearsals and an exam. I have a memory of him in the back garden relaxing in the shade with dust and blossom petals between his paws. I wish I had spent more time with him on that last day. For me the summer of 2018 will be remembered as the summer we lost Jasper.
I feel guilt that he was out the front, we didn't know Jasper and his brother Elijah were going on the front. I just feel so so sad that we won't see him grow up. He was almost a year old when he died. His brother has matured so much in these last 3 months. He conveys so much with a look and is so clever. He alerted us to the fact the back gate was open last week. We just miss seeing Jasper mature. We miss him trotting down stairs when he heard dry food put out.
We adopted a kitten 2 months ago to keep Elijah company. It might have been too soon but he was the last of the litter left with his Mum and we wanted Elijah to get used to a new cat whilst he was still youngish
They have a good bond now but I feel guilty that I love Elijah more because of what we've been through. The kitten is an adorable little rascal and I love him but Elijah and his brother had such a beautiful bond. I think I'm scared of losing the kitten so I daren't get too attached to him.
My other half doesn't really understand. He was away when Jasper was killed. He didn't hold his warm lifeless body. I hate having that memory. He said that Japser would be huge by now so I got upset talking about him and he didn't understand why I was upset because he had blocked a lot of it out. It was me and the children who were there, I wish they hadn't seen him but when the neighbour knocked I really thought it wasn't Jasper who had been killed.
The last day of his life I was so busy and stressed because my car was in the garage and I needed it because my daughter had ballet rehearsals and an exam. I have a memory of him in the back garden relaxing in the shade with dust and blossom petals between his paws. I wish I had spent more time with him on that last day. For me the summer of 2018 will be remembered as the summer we lost Jasper.