Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

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Bertie 2017
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Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by Bertie 2017 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 4:33 am

I lost my cat Bertie ,almost ,a year ago ,and it’s been ,a really bad experience ,
My loss nearly destroyed me ,but these last few weeks ,I have felt hope ,that things
Were inproving ,of course as you know ,life will never ever be the same ,but I felt
Good ,now I am depressed again ,things are not going so well for me ,at the moment ,
In my personal life ,and my low mood ,is returning ,I just what something good too .
Happen ,for a change ,I lost my ,uncle ,my mum ,(both too cancer ) less than a year apart ,
The last four years ,have been tough ,but I feel losing my Bertie ,is the final straw ,
I kick in the guts ,I just wonder how much ,Can I take ? Before I crack ,? I am good honest
Kind ,and none judge mental ,not perfect by any means ,person ,these last four years
Have left me ,wondering ,how much more ,I can take ? ,yes bad things do happen .
But not so close together ,not so long ago ,my life was perfect ,and now it’s ,
I different life ,one I feel ,I am struggling ,too accept sometimes ,so yes I am back
Too feeling depressed again ,is it too much to ask for some happiness ?
For a change ???

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fjm
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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by fjm » Thu Oct 11, 2018 7:45 am

I think every loss brings back the memory of other losses, and when you have suffered so many bereavements in such a short time it can be overwhelming. Shorter days and dark skies don't help - are you affected by SAD? But the last weeks have shown you the path out of depression, even if there will be bad days as well as better days, and both tears and laughter.

I wonder if it is time to consider counselling again, now that you are ready to begin to build your life anew?

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Lilith
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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by Lilith » Thu Oct 11, 2018 11:12 am

Yes, you'll be up and down, and the build-up of loss is hard to deal with.

I can only advise from my own experience, which is of long-term anxiety and depression and mental illness, and say - you learn to live with it. Dratted thing. I can say that the more practice you get at it, the stronger you do get - although it's no joke, far from it, and it may not feel like it at the time.

I'd advise - enjoy the respites, and sit out the bad periods. As a veteran of the dreaded psychiatric system I don't think it did anything for me at all and meds are a joke - a sick joke, but I agree with Fjm re counselling - but beware of the grudging NHS who give you half a dozen sessions and then tip you out, cured (not!)

My lifeline has been my local Mind helpline (I'm not good at talking to people face to face so suits me) where I can talk and discuss my feelings, and, better still, build up continuity with a counsellor I can relate to. My local branch lets you choose who you can talk to - you're not landed with a stranger every time and don't have to waste time explaining yourself.

Here is a link - https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... lsrc=aw.ds

Ah sorry - amendment! I thought that there were many Mind helplines nationwide but I've been told the only Mind support line in the Uk is Guideline in Bradford - 01274 594594. It's very very good.

And good luck and love and hugs, Lil x
Last edited by Lilith on Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Ruth B
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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by Ruth B » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:43 pm

You will have ups and downs, the best I can say it to enjoy the ups as much as possible and try and focus on those when things go down, always try and remember the good times, and where possible try and repeat the things that made you feel good, even if it was a simple as a walk in the park.

Like you I feel I've had a rough few years, two and a half years ago my Dad died, two years ago the company i had work ten years for had to call in the administrators and I lost my job, all of last year was an upheaval as the garden had to be completely dug out and replaced due to asbestos contamination, then a year ago my Mum started to deteriorate and died in April, her cat which i had adopted when she had to go into a nursing home at the start of the year followed my Mum in August. I have been lucky, my OH has been my rock through all this, he has put up with my slightly manic days and the times I have been falling apart. I just have to keep going in the knowledge that it will improve and I know that things will get better.

Take it one day at a time, make the most of the good days and just get through the bad, make the most of any friends you have and any sunshine we get. Even on bad days try and make a list of things to do that day, even if it is as simple as doing the washing up, or a bit in the garden, or even (horror) starting a bit of Christmas Shopping, that way at the end of the day, you can tick it off and know that the day wasn't wasted, something got done. Sometimes it is hard to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, but in the end we find we have got somewhere one step at a time.

Bertie 2017
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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by Bertie 2017 » Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:11 am

Thank you all so much ,for your support and advice ,I suppose ,I am being so hard on myself .
Expecting ,too have moved on by now ,I am no stranger too pet loss ,but this time ,feels
Different ,they is always one ,that stands out from the rest ,and that was Bertie ,I ve
Got too be honest ,I loved him ,more than any other cat ,because he was unique and one
Of a kind ,you would understand ,if you had known him ,he had one eye ,and was a right
Character ,life was never dull ,please forgive me ,if I sound like a broken record, but losing Bertie ,so young ,and suddenly ,had left me feeling angry and bitter ,I feel seven years
Isn’t that long ,and that’s why I feel ,my grief and pain is different ,than the other losses .
But yes I am ,trying too slowly move on ,keeping busy ,trying too make plans ,too keep me busy and active ,it’s good for both mind and soul ,but it’s easier said than done ,considering
What I have been through ,when I look back ,too the early days ,after Bertie died ,
Those were darkest moments ,I have lived through ,so yes ,I see these moments as a
Improvement ,I often ring the blue cross ,pet breavment support line ,who have been
Amazing with me ,put me back on my feet ,and have always been there for me and always will be for how ever long I need them ,that service is priceless ,

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Lilith
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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by Lilith » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:21 pm

Ah no, we all have to talk and talk something out sometimes and never feel guilty about repeating yourself. It's normal and essential - you need time. I have to have a cry about my Emily every so often, go over every detail, and as for life here without her ...

So never worry about posting about your feelings.

I didn't know about the Blue Cross helpline - that's a very useful resource for bereaved owners - thanks for mentioning and as always lots of hugs, love, Lil x

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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:05 pm

You know what Bertie? In my youth I was always told I should block out any distressing thoughts, but after the death of my young daughter, a friend who still is to this day, a practising Buddhist, taught me to accept that such an action is impossible. Have you ever tried to make your mind a blank? Exhausting isn't it. She suggested when the unwanted memories popped up, to let them in, examine them for a short time, sometimes shed a tear, then watch them float by and away, like a paper boat on a peaceful river,far less painful. We all lead lives of quiet desperation, some more than others, seeking and gaining support a lifeline, but try not to scratch the scar too much, it will become unbearably painful. Warm hugs.

Issi

Bertie 2017
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Re: Feeling like I am slipping back into depression

Post by Bertie 2017 » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:20 pm

Thanks again for your support , I couldn’t imagine losing a young child ,how can you
Move on ? After that ,I take my hat off too you ,for finding inner strength ,even if it’s
Thought a budda friend ,(yes I do believe in that stuff ) I suppose I loved my Bertie ,
Just like a mother ,would love a child ,and always will ,I find my inner strength ,in my
Believe ,that ,death isn’t the end ,I do believe it’s the next great adventure ,awaiting us ,
Bertie has crossed over ,and has meet up with my mum ,who loved Bertie ,and he loved
Her too ,he was the kind of cat ,that only trusted certain people ,so it brings me great comfort ,knowing they are together taking care of each other ,till the twosome becomes
A threesome ,till that time comes ,I will have to live my days ,out on earth the best I can .
I know ,it would always be like this ,I believe good days and times ,will return ,but
I have too ride ,this rollercoaster I call grief , it just proves how much I loved my Bertie .
But still the time s we shared ,together was priceless ,and I will always cherish the
Short (but happy times ) we spent together ,we brought each other so much joy and happiness ,I feel it works both ways .

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