losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

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Nicky brown
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losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Sat Oct 20, 2018 6:30 pm

Yesterday my gorgeously handsome two and a half year old ginger boy Hendrick asked out after his dinner but instead of choosing the surrounding fields and hills must have chosen to cross the road. My husband left about 5.15 to pick up our daughter from uni for the weekend and just a short time later was a heavy knock at the door and the dreaded " do you own a ginger cat?" The caring couple were not the monsters who had hit him but passing cat lovers who stopped to pick poor Hendrick off the road. He was alive and no blood.......hope. I drove him to the vets immediately but only to be told 30 minutes later that it was a spinal injury and the prognosis was not good. I left him to rest in professional care with pain medication and a saline drip and went home. Around 8pm we got the call to say that an X-ray revealed a very bad dislocation on the spine and next to no movement in his back legs and no movement in his tail was indicative of nerve damage. We were told that even with surgery it was unlikely he would regain full function and he could face a lifetime of incontinence and bowel problems. BUT, when we drove back to see him he was purring and looking at us so lovingingly. The worst decision I had ever been asked to make. They asked if he was insured - he wasn't . Cost should never come in to the love of an animal but they advised that a referral on would be in the region of £2000 just to start and they believed we would be told the same.
They told us that the kindest thing to do was let him sleep. It was awful. The only small comfort was that he was heavily sedated and on a heated blanket in a comfy spot, his drip meant no need for any additional injection but ..... Going to sleep is one thing and never waking up is another. Today I am just so sad. I miss him terribly. We got Hendrick to help us get over the loss of our 11 month old ginger Toulouse in the spring of 2016. We were so careful not to let him out until he was a good bit older. We thought we had him forever. The most handsome ginger boy is sleeping now but I am left in pain - in the same chair, with the same anguish and emptiness as just before he arrived. It's the worst feeling in the world.

Bertie 2017
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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Bertie 2017 » Sun Oct 21, 2018 3:15 am

I am sorry too ,hear your story ,and losss ,it makes me sick too the stomach ,too think
The person who did it ,didn’t have the heart ,too stop ,and they don’t care or understand
That this animal is loved and cherished ,I understand ,pet loss only too well ,and I hope
You have phone numbers ,for pet breavment support line ,if you haven’t message me .
And I will forward them on too you ,it saddens me too read your story and my thoughts
And best wishes go out too you ,it’s a small comfort too you ,but you know he went .
Peaceful ,and I often think of vets putting money before the animals ,it’s terrible too
Hear you had a second loss ,so soon ,life is so unfair ,but remember they is lots of
Support and understanding not only on this website ,but on pet charity’s website ,
I lost my cat Bertie ,almost a year ago ,and I don’t know what I would have done ,
If I didn’t have the support of so many caring ,kind and understanding people .
They helped me back on my feet ,you will get the support ,you need ,so remember
You are never going to be alone ,in this ,losing a beloved cat is devastating
Something I understand only too well .

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Sun Oct 21, 2018 8:50 am

Thank you for your reply. I slept last night but woke early and have been thinking about him ever since - partly relieving Friday night and partly just imagining him with me. We live beside the road and every time I hear a car, I think of him. We always tried to keep him in at night - occasionally we couldn't. On dark mornings like we are moving into now, he would come into the bedroom for a cuddle before breakfast. I am on holiday this fortnight and last Monday he sunbathed out the back beside me then on Wednesday 'helped' me sweep the patio before running up a tree in the garden! On Thursday night before bed he came in with a mouse present. On Friday I didn't really see him much - I was busy - why is it always when you haven't been taking notice that terrible things happen? He was sleeping in his basket most of the morning. My husband and I went out for a coffee at lunchtime and Hendy had gone out and was nowhere to be seen. I hated going out and leaving him out but we wouldn't be long. We were back about 3pm and he came bounding down from the safe side of fields, hills and trees. We were pleased to see him. At around 5pm he asked out the back door again but I suggested to my husband that maybe he should have have his dinner first - I didn't want him going to catch his own dinner! He ate his dinner then asked my husband if he could go out the front door. He must have gone down the path and crossed the road to the fields on the other side. My husband left about 10 minutes later and I went into the kitchen to make pumpkin soup. The fire was lit and I was looking forward to us all having a lovely, cosy evening. My husband had only been gone about 20 mins when the knock on the door came. Hendrick must have been coming home. I can only assume he ran out or was distracted by falling leaves. I don't know how long he had been lying there before being picked up but it couldn't have been long as another car could have hit him a second time and fortunately, that hadn't happened. Maybe if we had let him out the back door instead, this wouldn't have happened. If we hadn't fed him, maybe he would only have gone out for 5 mins. If we had gone away on holiday like we did in 2016 and 2017, he would have been safe in the cattery. I know I have my other 2 cats and I love them very much but Hendrick was only 2. He was still a youngster. He still needed extra nurture and love and cuddles. He loved having his tummy rubbed and would flop in your arms to have raspberries blown on his tummy. A nicer natured cat would be hard to find. I still have a week's holiday left but he has left an enourous hole in every room in the house and on every chair - as like goldilocks - he used to try them all! Thank you for taking the time to read about him, especially when you have been living with sadness yourself.

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Lilith » Sun Oct 21, 2018 1:10 pm

Hi Nicky and welcome and I'm so very sorry to hear about Hendrick. I lost my beautiful Tess nearly 12 years ago in the same circumstances and still grieve for her. I have to say though, I saw it happen and although the driver didn't stop, they were going slowly and Tess remained standing; they could have been pardoned for thinking that they hadn't hit her, I thought they hadn't hit her, but the consequences were the same; I lost my girl. One minute a lively healthy cat, the next ... That shock stays with you.

It is the 'if onlys' that plague you. It's impossible to get away from them and your thoughts swarm. Nearly three months ago I lost my Emily (avatar cat) but to chronic illness and old age. The vet very kindly came out to her and I paid over the phone but I still can't open the invoice and condolence card they sent. (They were marvellous - and after I'd paid, they rang back to say they were waiving the call-out fee since I'm only round the corner. How kind is that? I was fully prepared to pay it and they do have a business to run.)

But I still feel that I ought to have done this, done that, kept her alive by an act of will, when in truth she couldn't survive any longer. Why do we feel so guilty? It's normal, but why? Goodness knows.

I'm so sorry for the shock and new grief you're feeling and you've come to the right place as most of us know exactly what you're going through. Sleep tight Hendrick, and hugs to you, Nicky, love, Lil x

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Sun Oct 21, 2018 1:57 pm

Thank you for your thoughts and sorry to learn of your loss this year with with Emily. We had to have our cat Jasmine put to sleep 5 years ago after illness. She now sleeps under a Jasmine in the woodland at the back of the house. She took really ill suddenly 8 months earlier. We were on holiday in Spain and were phoned by the cattery to say they had found her lying hardly conscious in vomit. When she went to the vet they thought it was viral and sent away blood tests but they were negative. She lost the ability to walk and went blind. The vet took her to his home and nursed her until our return 4 days later. In that time she had improved somewhat and the vet said being at home with us would be make or break time. She was wobbly on her legs and crashed in to everything because of her lack of sight but she got better and better and by 4 months was back to her old self, playing in the garden, chasing cat mint stalks that we dangled for her and even running up trees. We told the vet and he didn't believe us, he thought we were exaggerating. We couldn't believe that even her vision had returned. We assume that she had experienced some form of stroke. We had a wonderful Christmas and Spring with her but sadly 8 months after the initial trauma, she started fitting one Friday night. We kept a lose eye and made her comfortable but when she was no better on the Saturday, decided she had been through enough and that she had at least had a wonderful last 4 months on borrowed time. Sadly my husband had to bury her on Fathers Day. We were very sad but were comforted that she had not been stolen from us, like our little 11 month Toulouse in April 16 and handsome 2 and a half year old Hendrick right now. Jasmine had had an amazing 12 years. Incidentally, my son, who as not on holiday with us and nolonger lived with us, on hearing the news of her initial trauma, walked 22 miles to see her in the vets. Maybe that's what gave her the strength to pull through. Over the last 30 years I have lost 2 cats who simply disappeared, Dell - my first and Jack - a little black boy we got in the Lake District. 2 have died from old age and illness - Tabitha age 15 had sudden kidney failure and Jasmine as above but nothing hurts more than when your baby is killed or critically injured by someone else and especially if they haven't even had time to grow up. The loss of Toulouse and Hendrick is just so awful - they had everything to live for and I would do anything to have them back. They were my first wee ginger boys and were so gentle and loving. It just rips me apart thinking about it - especially Hendrick now when only a few days ago we were playing together and smiling. I don't know that I have the strength to ever get another and risk going through this again. The older I get, the harder I struggle with it and can only assume that how I feel is close to what it must be like to suffer depression. Life just feels dark and cold. All the beautifully orange leaves and pumpkins just serve to remind me of my lost little boy. Thank you though for listening - it is a comfort to know people understand as there are so many out their who simply don't care. To them it's - pull yourself together, it's just a cat!

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Lilith » Sun Oct 21, 2018 3:03 pm

Thanks :)

Oh you get that lot everywhere, the 'oh it's only a cat' brigade. Once one got on here but we invoked Billy Goat Gruff and laughed her off the forum, he he ...

Keep on posting, whenever you need to talk, and again hugs xxx

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Sun Oct 21, 2018 4:19 pm

How do you add a picture. I would like to add a picture of Hendrick.
Thanks

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Kay » Sun Oct 21, 2018 4:51 pm


Nicky brown
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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Sun Oct 21, 2018 4:57 pm

Many thanks. I will look at this tomorrow when I am home alone.

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Sun Oct 21, 2018 4:58 pm

Ps I love your black cat image.

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by AndyMac » Thu Oct 25, 2018 1:16 pm

Hi Nicky - sorry to read about Hendrick. I also suffered the same loss with Mia in August. I had only had her 2 months after losing Jet to cancer in April. Mia was a rescue and aged about 2 - she got more and more curious about exploring outside and it got to the stage I couldnt keep a constant eye on her and hoped she would be OK when out.

I was devastated with her loss and blamed myself for letting her out and all the 'what if' senarios went through my head. The pain does ease but as you said it is the emptiness in the house that is hard to cope with. Every time I looked out the front door or heard a car in the street it was a constant reminder. I have decided I could not get another cat in case the same were to happen.

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Oct 25, 2018 2:43 pm

AndyMac wrote:Hi Nicky - sorry to read about Hendrick. I also suffered the same loss with Mia in August. I had only had her 2 months after losing Jet to cancer in April. Mia was a rescue and aged about 2 - she got more and more curious about exploring outside and it got to the stage I couldnt keep a constant eye on her and hoped she would be OK when out.

I was devastated with her loss and blamed myself for letting her out and all the 'what if' senarios went through my head. The pain does ease but as you said it is the emptiness in the house that is hard to cope with. Every time I looked out the front door or heard a car in the street it was a constant reminder. I have decided I could not get another cat in case the same were to happen.
Hi Andy, I am sorry for your loss of Mia and Jet. I am responding because many years ago, I lost a darling 1yr old cat to a RTA and I too went through all the emotions and guilt you are suffering. We moved house but every time I walked or drove past 'the spot' my heart broke all over again. This went on for some years, but when we adopted Cody and Armand (who died unexpectedly within 4 weeks to the day of each other} we changed Vets. I told him of my feelings and he was very kind. He said 90% of young cats he attends to are injured or die because of RTA's. He explained that they have no traffic sense, even older felines don't possess much and in each case, the owner agonises over 'what ifs' and horrible guilt. It's just bad luck and sometimes, our pets draw the short straw. I have had many cats over my long life, I am 70yrs old, all free to roam and it's only happened once. As for adopting another cat, I understand your feelings. We still have dear Gandhi, who is in turn a comfort and a cause of stress. He's 14yrs old and although we have been asked to take in foster cats short term and have thought long and hard about adopting another cat, we too have had our hearts broken too many times,there will be no more pets after his demise. Whatever the future holds for you, I hope it brings contentment.

Issi

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Re: losing another baby following RTA only 2 years after previous loss

Post by Nicky brown » Thu Oct 25, 2018 10:11 pm

Hi Andy
Thank you for picking up on the loss of Hendrick. It's a week tomorrow (Friday) some week. I have been on holiday as in off work but not away - my holiday had started before it happened. This will be the worst holiday of my entire life. Tuesday was bad - me and my hot water bottle and blanket all day - belatedly researching spinal dislocations in cats. The what ifs continue - what if the slight apparent response to pain meant he hadn't lost all nerve sensation so could have recovered? What if the pain meds surpressed his reaction to pain sensation? what if he had received anti- inflammatories would it have relieved pressure on his spinal chord? All questions I did not have the knowledge to ask about at the time when the vet advised us to let him go To sleep. I guess I'll never really know for sure but to some extent it has helped me, emailing Unknown vets and vet neurologists I've found on line. I haven't had the absolute answers I've been seeking and doubt I ever will but they have replied and been very kind and caring and they didn't have to do that. One even responded to photos I sent. Fortunately my husband has been off work since Tuesday so we have gone out - to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people round about us - I've found that better. Mornings and evenings are the worst though - imagining him in each room beside me. What Issi said about driving past the spot too - it's the view from my bedroom window. Well it's been a week of herbal calming remedies, herbal sleeping tablets and ginger tea. ( none of these are usually my thing but trying anything and everything. I even bought 2 energising crystals - absolutely never done that before! It's just that everything is ginger right now - like Hendrick, all the Autumn colours are a constant reminder and even in a cafe today, I was given a complimentary ginger biscuit with my coffee! I bought a large metal star yesterday from a vintage shop. I am going to hang it in the window where Hendrick spent a lot of time. I'm going to decorate it with just a touch of fir tree and a strand of ginger raffia and a few LED lights then hang it from November to February 2nd - it will be Hendrick's star so he is a still a part of Christmas In our home. I am sorry to hear about Mia and can understand exactly how you feel, especially as you lost jet in April. Although it is now two and a half years since I lost Toulouse, I got Hendrick only 8 weeks after Toulouse's death when I was still missing him terribly. Getting Hendrick was the best thing I could have done at the time but now it's like a double whammy, as I buried the extra grief for Toulouse into my love for Hendrick and now I have neither. I am dreading tomorrow but I have to collect my car from the garage - I have no choice and then we plan to spend the day somewhere else again - away from home and people we know as casual aquantances so there's no need to put on false smilies. It is really hard and it doesn't get obviously easier each day though there is definitely a degree of so many steps forward and slightly less back each new afternoon. (not yet each morning or bedtime though - they feel the same) Every time I hear a car, like you Andy, I am reminded and even getting into my own car, I think about the journey last Friday with Hendrick on the passenger seat, myself driving and trying to reassure him on the 20 minute journey to the vets. Re another cat for yourself Andy, I wouldn't rule it out as you are obviously a caring cat person who can give a cat a fabulous life no matter how long or short. Many years ago we had a little black kitten called Ella. She was very young - maybe 6 months and we naively let her out and went to work. We came home to a horric sight on the road - suffice to say, there was no Ella to bury and worse than that was that my son had gone past it on the school bus. It was really awful but we got another cat and despite being beside the same road and going out regularly ( albeit not at the foolish age of 6 months), Hobbs is now about 15. (I say about because he was a rescue cat when he was roughly 8 months). To my horror my 19 yr old dughter told me recently that she's had a few near misses where she has walked out in front of cars in town - I was not grateful to hear that - but our cats are the same and therefore we cannot presume that the same fate is there for all just because we live near roads. If I were you, given a couple of months have passed now, I would begin thinking that maybe you can offer a wee stranger your loving home again but equally can understand if you feel you truly can't.
Thank you Andy for speaking with me and thanks again Issi too - hope Ghandi lets you sleep tonight :) Nicky

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