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Still isn’t getting any easier

Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:11 pm
by Bertie 2017
Just too ri mind you all ,I lost my dear Bertie ,in November 2017 ,and still I am fighting too .
Let go ,but it’s so hard ,and very painful still ,Bertie was my sunshine ,he always made me
Smile ,and very loving ,and was a real character ,life wasn’t dull ,I miss him so much ,I
Feel I will never be ,that happy go lucky person ,I once used to be ,that person is gone ,
Been replaced by a weak ,tired ,broken person ,I feel ,this is my life now ,just making
The best of each day ,laughing at times ,but it’s different ,kind of laugher ,I have often .
Been told ,there is always light at the end of the tunnel ,but I am still do not see it ,
My closest friends ,have spotted a huge change in me ,it’s hard for them too fully understand
This dark place ,I feel I am in ,and the strong bond and love ,that Bertie and myself had ,
Sounds crazy ,but I feel ,we were ,the same soul ,well I feel A big piece of me ,has died ,
Since Bertie left , he was taken too soon ,at the age of seven years ,something I feel cheated
By ,and always will ,often it’s hard too believe he’s gone ,I have basil his brother ,but somehow,my home doesn’t feel the same ,without him ,and will never ever be the same again

Re: Still isn’t getting any easier

Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2019 1:27 pm
by Lilith
Hey Bertie.

I only just remembered this poem the other day - but it's very emotive so be careful, don't click on the link unless you're feeling comparatively strong (and I HATE people telling me to read a poem or book that I KNOW is going to make me cry, so sorry about this, very hypocritical of me.)

But it's very wise. About giving mercy and allowing a being irrevocably hurt to be released into another dimension. But we all feel guilty; I still feel that for my Emily. A huge piece of your life has been wrenched away.

The poem isn't about a cat by the way.

Here is the link - ... hawks.html

Lots of love and hugs to you and Basil, and Bertie of course, he's still there, do hope you feel better soon, public holidays are hell, all that pretence of 'happy happy happy' - ugh. Can you bask in the sun (we have some even here in the North) and cry in private if you need? x

Re: Still isn’t getting any easier

Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2019 9:29 pm
by Jules20
5 months in for me Bertie and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel either. Please don't be too hard on yourself, I don't think a year is very long in grief terms and it takes a long time for some us to crawl through it. I hope your counselling comes up soon as it may help even if it's just to let out some of the pain.

Hugs to you and Basil. Julia xxx

Re: Still isn’t getting any easier

Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:23 pm
by Bertie 2017
Thanks you both for your kind words and support ,experience. Grief is like a nightmare you
Cart seem ,too wake up from ,and it’s hard for some people to understand ,the love and
Bond we shared ,with our cats ,still those people don’t matter ,and yes I have never thought
Of ,it as crawling through it ,still grief does have you on your hands and knees ,I haven’t read
Many poems ,but one saying stands out ,grief is the price we pay for love , Bertie was and
Still is my whole world ,and al thought ,I haven’t seen him ,I feel and sense him ,often ,
Our bond and love is un breakable ,even after death ,still I wouldn’t be natural ,if we
Didn’t cry ,or miss them so much , because they are a huge part of our lives and are ,
Family , I know time will heal , and my heart will be whole again ,still there will always .
Be a small crack , and lots of empty spaces around my home ,left by Bertie ,but he will
Always be in my heart

Re: Still isn’t getting any easier

Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2019 10:13 am
by Polly
It is absolutely devastating when a beloved pet dies,we lost our gorgeous cat aged 141/2 years old 14 weeks ago, the pain,the grief are al very raw,
Everyone deals with grief in different ways, no right way or wrong way, for some people getting a new pet helps them,not to replace their old pet,to fill the void left behind, I myself personally,am not ready to go there.

Re: Still isn’t getting any easier

Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2019 11:58 pm
by Bertie 2017
Hi polly thanks for your support ,and sorry too hear about your loss ,Bertie was only 7 years old,when I had to make that heartbreaking ( but right ) decision too put him too sleep ,
You see Bertie had a accident ,that did damage to his spine ,tail and bladder ,he was
Blocked in the bladder ,the vet had to empty his bladder for him ,keeping him alive for my
Own selfish reasons he’d would have had no quality of life ,Bertie was a free sprit ,but
We all feel the loss ,no matter what age we lose our beloved cats ,but too me ,Bertie
Lives on ,in my heart and memory ,it was his birthday yesterday ,I wasn’t sad ,in fact
A saw it as a day too celebrate ,I have discovered many different things and ways too
Bring me comfort ,since my loss ,I am sure you will too in time ,but first you need to grieve
As painful as it is ,it’s necessary to do so ,it’s all part of the healing process ,that much I have learned ,and yes I understand that ,you don’t feel up to ,getting another cat ,I feel
Just the same ,losing Bertie has almost destroyed me , so saying no more cats is because
I feel I need too protect myself from future loss ,and heartache ,but I am sure cats have
A way of finding us ,and maybe one day fate will bring me a cat or kitten in trouble
And a story too tell ,and how could I say no to that .?

Thinking of you xx