I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Bertie 2017
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I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Bertie 2017 » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:48 pm

Hi everyone,I know you’re hurting too ,but I feel , I am heading for a nervous breakdown ,
No one seems to realise how much my darling Bertie , ment too me ,he was my sunshine
My whole world my everything ,everyone ,keeps telling me and expecting me move on ,
Saying things like let him go ,get on with your life ,I feel ,that they are sick of me ,
Well all I can say is ,they aren’t living a life like hell ,every day is a living nightmare ,
I feel in limbo ,meanwhile everyone else is loving life ,planning holidays ,laughing like
They don’t have a care in the world , as I have said before lose a human member of the family ,everyone is so kind and understanding ,lose a cat ,you’re on your own ,my family
Have left me alone too pick up the pieces ,I have been on a waiting list for a breavment
Councillor ,I was told 3 months ,but I have already waited far longer than that ,so yes I
Feel ,this isn’t being taken seriously , after all Bertie was just a cat ,you grief for a cat
Just like you would ,a human ,maybe more because animals give you unconditional love
And are your best friends ,all ways by your side , Bertie was my fur baby ,my rock
Life is so hard without him ,

DonnaK
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by DonnaK » Tue Jul 16, 2019 8:28 pm

I am so sorry. I am just now starting on the journey through grief as I had to have my beloved 9 year old cat Lucy put to sleep yesterday. She had a very aggressive tumor. The house feels so empty and I can’t stop crying. You are not alone. Our pets are our family. I wrote her a letter that I put in her grave thanking her for adding so much cheerfulness to my life. It is incredibly difficult

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Lilith
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Lilith » Tue Jul 16, 2019 9:38 pm

Oh Donna, so very very sorry to hear! Love and hugs, Lil x

issiandarchie+68
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Wed Jul 17, 2019 1:16 pm

DonnaK wrote:
Tue Jul 16, 2019 8:28 pm
I am so sorry. I am just now starting on the journey through grief as I had to have my beloved 9 year old cat Lucy put to sleep yesterday. She had a very aggressive tumor. The house feels so empty and I can’t stop crying. You are not alone. Our pets are our family. I wrote her a letter that I put in her grave thanking her for adding so much cheerfulness to my life. It is incredibly difficult
My dear Donna, I was glancing through the Forum when my eyes fell upon your sad post. Without warning, your words brought a sharp, hard lump to my throat and I had to catch my breath. It brought back the vivid memory of my wee geezer, Armand, dying suddenly of cancer. Even though I still had my other two cats, sadly now also passed, I vividly remember the awful empty, quiet feeling in the house, the keening I thought would never stop. I can't offer you comfort just now, there is none to be had, but believe me when I say, one day it will still hurt but every day thereafter, it will hurt a little less until Lucy settles in that comfortable place in your heart where others you have loved and lost reside, happy memories protected. What a lovely idea writing Lucy a letter. The wee pet must have brought you great joy.

Warm thoughts and virtual hugs heading your way.

Issi

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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by DonnaK » Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:30 pm

Thank you, Issi,
I hadn’t expected this amount of emotional pain. I know it’s fruitless, but I keep thinking that maybe I could have done things differently and she would still be here, though the vet assured me that her lymphoma was so aggressive that she would not likely have survived any surgery or chemo. She had such a big heart for such a small cat. I seem to have forgotten what it’s like to go to the loo alone! She followed me everywhere, even when she was sick. She greeted me at the door whenever I came in, even if I had just gone to take the trash out. I have another cherished cat (I wish I knew how to add photos) and he seems to be mourning as well which makes it even worse. I am showering him with affection but he keeps looking for her and meowing around the house. It is a bit embarrassing how weepy I am. Hoping that I can start focusing on the good memories soon, but all I want right now is for Lucy to come back.

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Jules20
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Jules20 » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:47 pm

Hi Bertie

The NHS waiting lists are so long these days (I have been waiting since January). The only other thing I can suggest is to find a private therapist if money allows. There are some pet loss counsellors out there who do phone counselling as well. I don't know if you have anyone you can talk to but even just one trusted person can help, for me this is my husband and I don't bother talking to people that don't get it anymore as it just made me feel worse.

I understand the pain you're going through Bertie as I'm still there myself but you do deserve to be happy again so please be kind to yourself.

Sending you love and hugs
Julia xxx

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Jules20
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Jules20 » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:00 pm

So sorry for your loss DonnaK

It is a really painful experience so you have no need to feel embarrassed. The 'what ifs' are a normal part of this grief and it will take you a while to process it. Everybody's different but I barely functioned in the first few weeks after and I still struggle 8 months later. They are such a massive part of our lives that them not being there takes some getting used to.
I seem to have forgotten what it’s like to go to the loo alone!
Yeah me too, just shows what a big part of our lives they are!

Please give yourself some time to grieve. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs.
Julia xxx

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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by DonnaK » Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:13 am

Thank you, Julia. It does reassure me that my response is not so extreme. I have not shed so many tears since my closest friend died 13 years ago. This is really helpful to communicate with others who understand and don’t think I’m a bit batty. I have accomplished nothing since Monday and am dropping weight because I have little appetite. I am fairly confident that I will feel better soon.
Hugs back to you and I am sorry you had this same experience recently. Our cats were fortunate to have landed with true cat-lovers.

issiandarchie+68
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:39 am

DonnaK wrote:
Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:30 pm
Thank you, Issi,
I hadn’t expected this amount of emotional pain. I know it’s fruitless, but I keep thinking that maybe I could have done things differently and she would still be here, though the vet assured me that her lymphoma was so aggressive that she would not likely have survived any surgery or chemo. She had such a big heart for such a small cat. I seem to have forgotten what it’s like to go to the loo alone! She followed me everywhere, even when she was sick. She greeted me at the door whenever I came in, even if I had just gone to take the trash out. I have another cherished cat (I wish I knew how to add photos) and he seems to be mourning as well which makes it even worse. I am showering him with affection but he keeps looking for her and meowing around the house. It is a bit embarrassing how weepy I am. Hoping that I can start focusing on the good memories soon, but all I want right now is for Lucy to come back.
Your mention of lovely Lucy following you everywhere, especially to the loo made me smile. Lucy sounds so similar to my wee Armand, I feel they could almost have come from the same litter! My boy used to sit on my feet while I sat on the throne and by the side of the bath when I was bathing, murmuring and chattering away to himself, then would shoot out the door the minute I started to dry myself as if my naked body offended him. Your remaining much loved pet will still be able to smell and sense Lucy's presence around the house. I doubt he will be 'mourning' as we humans know it, but he will wander around shouting 'where are you? are you hiding? can I eat my dinner now or will you suddenly appear?' but this will quickly pass. The longing for Lucy to return,to make a pact that this time, all will be well and you will do things differently is a painful part of the early stages of grief, but I think you know that. Warm hugs and thank you for bringing back a cherished memory. In time,your memories too of Lovely Lucy's affectionate antics will fill your heart.

Issi

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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by DonnaK » Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:54 pm

You, Issi, are a gem. I am grateful that I found this chat room. Today I burst into tears at my dental appointment and the dentist was surprisingly comforting. Also, my neighbour brought me dinner and told me I must eat. Another neighbour brought lavender from her garden and her 7 year old son gave me a small wooden cat figurine, so if nothing else, I feel blessed by this kindness.

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Jules20
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Jules20 » Sun Jul 21, 2019 9:18 pm

Thank you for your kind words Donna. No your response is not extreme at all. I think it shocks us sometimes how much we grieve for them but they are such a big part of our lives why wouldn't we.

You are braver than me going to the dentist! I had an appointment booked for the week after I lost Merlin and I cancelled it. My dentist is good but can't say his bedside manner is great so I'm not sure what his response would have been to me all tearful.

Glad your neighbours have been thoughtful, it can really make a difference when others do acknowledge it.

Much love to you
Julia xxx

Bertie 2017
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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Bertie 2017 » Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:36 pm

Hi everyone thanks for your support , and my thoughts go out to Donna ,yes losing a cat
Is very heartbreaking , and yes it’s important to find someone , who understands ,and
Will ,support you through your ,loss , and there is tons of online support ,and information
So yes we are not alone ,in this journey ,one thing I have learned is , that some people
Can be cruel , those people don’t matter , I talk to my other cat Basil ,Bertie’s littermate
I feel he somehow understands ,what I am saying ,and remembers his brother ,cats grief
Is much different than ours ,and shorter too , but most importantly don’t judge you ,
And comfort you in there own special way ,when your sad and heartbroken ,

Hugs and kisses to all
Xx

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Re: I just cannot seem to accept my loss

Post by Polly » Fri Aug 16, 2019 8:03 am

Losing a pet is really difficult, you and your pets have built up a bond between each other, you love each other unconditionally,you trust each other,then, Sadly your pet dies, Believe me, I know exactly what you are going through, I have am still am going through this difficult stage of grief,
Pet Breavement is available, if you go online and type in pet Breavement, see what comes up,
It doesn’t matter what other people think and say,unless you are an animal lover,you have no idea how painful a loss of a pet can be.
Good Luck

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