Page 1 of 1

My cat passed away last week and I blame myself

Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2020 10:49 am
by kate_m
My beautiful cat Louie passed away last week, he was only 6.5 years old. I am so heartbroken and can’t help but blame myself.
I went away with my partner and my kids on the weekend, my mum came over to feed Louie. On Sunday when we got back I noticed Louie hadn’t eaten much that day, over the next 2 days he wasn’t really himself, didn’t eat much, didn’t want to go outside, he just slept next to the heater in my sons room. I tried to get him to eat little bits and he did on the Tuesday. I said to myself if he doesn’t perk up by tomorrow I will call the vet to come. Wednesday morning there was a bit of food gone from his bowl and he stood at the door to go outside, I let him out thinking he had perked up a little bit and maybe he wanted to go to the toilet or just get some fresh air after being inside for a few days. My 10 month old was really sick that day with high temps and I got distracted and lost sight of Louie.
He never came back... which wasn’t all that uncommon, Louie had gone many times staying outside all night or disappearing for a day, he ran the neighbourhood. I spent the next 2 days looking for him with a terrible feeling in my stomach, before finding him dead down his favourite drain on Friday. Myself and my kids are devastated and I don’t know how to move past this, how to stop blaming myself. We will miss Louie, he was the best cat, gave us lots of laughs, it’s hard to get used to him not being around.
I hate not having closure, not knowing what was wrong with him and what caused his death. I wish I did more.

Re: My cat passed away last week and I blame myself

Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2020 11:02 am
by Mollycat
It's so hard losing them and especially such a young lad, in his prime, with no explanation. It's only natural to blame ourselves as we are responsible for every aspect of their lives and their care, but it's also an important part of the grieving process. It's the way our minds work, in any traumatic situation - we go over every detail looking for something to learn from it, how we can protect ourselves from the pain next time.

It's easy to get stuck in this stage, especially if we can find any small detail we could have done differently. The What-Ifs. It's a way of bargaining with God or Nature or any other abstract we can. Please give me back that time so I can do things better. If I can do better please take this pain away. There is nothing anyone can really say that will reassure you, this weird place of grief is a place where we are untouchable, and it hurts others around us to be so helpless. In the end, you have to come to terms with the injustice of your loss yourself.

But try to look at it rationally. Louie was a bit off colour but was there any sign he was so ill? If there had been, I'm sure you would have seen a vet immediately. He seemed to be feeling better, he ate a little, so you did as he asked and let him out into the fresh air, nothing at all to indicate that he was really unwell. Maybe he wasn't, maybe he felt great - just a little wobbly from not eating much and a bit tired. We can't panic every time our cats are off their food for a day or so and 99% of the time it would be for nothing. What more could you reasonably have done? How could you have guessed what was going to happen? From Louie's point of view, he didn't spend his last days and weeks back and forth from the vets enduring endless tests and treatments. If he had to go, nobody hassled or stressed him out, he was in his favourite place in peace and quiet. The hard part is finding that peace in his passing for yourself and your family, until you find him again one day at the Rainbow Bridge, waiting for you.

Re: My cat passed away last week and I blame myself

Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 3:55 am
by kate_m
Thanks for your reply Mollycat.
Thank you for your kind words, it helped ease my pain and guilt a little bit. You are right, every time our pets go a bit off there food we don’t rush them to the vet, it happens.. there were no signs that he was so ill, that he was dying.
The hardest part is the not knowing, having no closure or answers as to why he died and what was wrong with him.
But your right, Atleast he died in comfort- in a safe, familiar spot of his. He had his eyes closed when I found him so I am going with that hope that he died peacefully in his sleep.
I just wish he had more time here with us.
His ashes arrived today and he is home with us 💙

Re: My cat passed away last week and I blame myself

Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2020 4:29 pm
by JulieJulie
I am so sorry for your loss, doesn't sound like your cat was anything but loved and cherished.
So many people don't even make any effort to look for their cats, you have your baby home now.
We always blame ourselves, I know I do, and i know I should have done things differently, but we can't change the past we can only change the future and make it better.
Sending you a big hug.