Not an ordinary loss

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Samantha
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Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2020 9:25 am

Not an ordinary loss

Post by Samantha »

I want to apologise if this is long and rambling - I'm not used to writing on forums or reaching out for help, but found this place and am desperate for support. My brain is scrambled and the moment and I'm finding it hard to function. I'll try and start from the beginning. About 5 years ago my neighbour was given a cat, whom I later came to call Tinky. When Tinky was old enough to be let out, she would be shut out for hours in all weathers, crying to be let in and chased in the garden by the neighbours young toddler. The neighbour wasnt deliberately cruel but just uncaring, treating her as if she was a possession rather than a loved pet.
Tinky was a nervous little thing and began to escape, by popping into my quiet house. I must make clear that although I was kind, I never enticed her in or set out food etc. However, she kept coming back, staying for a little longer each time and gradually feeling secure enough to have little naps.
I was so aware that this was a difficult situation and wouldn't let her stay too long, putting her back outside before too long.
Then the neighbour looked after a dog for a week in her own house, Tinky was petrified and sat almost unmoving in my kitchen , staring with frightened eyes towards her own yard. At this point I began to feed her, knowing she was not going home at all and would starve.
She had chosen her new home, as we cat lovers know they sometimes do.
The neighbour NEVER approached me to ask about the cat, never decided to shut her back indoors or made any real effort to encourage her back home, so Tink stayed. I never approached the neighbour either, reasoning that she knew where the cat was and if she was bothered enough then she would say. Not ideal I know, but there it is. This became the status quo.
She became my baby. I loved and adored her and she loved me. She grew much more confident, put on weight and ruled the roost. I knew all her habits, likes/dislikes, fears, favourite food - she was a very fussy eater! Her favourite places to sleep, hide, games to play. She would sit on the mat beside me when I was in the bath, wipe her wet paws on me when she'd been out in the rain and run to greet me at the door after work. She'd sleep beside me at night and curl up on my chest so I couldn't move!
I stress that at NO time did I ever shut her in, she always had a way in and out- I have a high back window that I have always kept open-even before the cat was around.
So, skip forward to a few weeks ago, she was attacked by a cat and needed vet treatment. I plucked up the courage and went next door to inform the neighbour (as she was chipped & the vets receptionist said she'd be contacted). We had a proper conversation about Tinky, I apologised for not talking to her earlier- as did she. She said she'd been angry at first but had long since " relinquished ownership" and understood cats sometimes chose a new home. She seemed reasonable. We began to have a more neighbourly relationship, chatting over the fence etc.
Then my world caved in. Out of the blue, she has taken away the cat. It is shut inside her house and cannot get out. I can hear the child being shouted at to "leave her alone", hear her being chased. The neighbour has ceased contact with me. Im so devastated that I can hardly breathe. Shes been mine for almost 5 years and now shes gone. I'm grieving as if shes died, yet in agony and anguish because I know shes just the other side of the wall, wondering where I am, why I've left her and why her safe little world has disappeared. I'm sure this is just some sort of power trip for the neighbour, she likes to be in control and gets her own way in all aspects of her life. She doesnt love Tink, shes just a possession to hear. If she was that bothered, she'd have done this when Tink first started visiting me, not waited years, until she was happy and settled. I know I'll never ever get her back and I cant bear it and dont know how I can endure this much pain. I can hardly breathe.
How can I cope with this utter sadness?
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to have said all this, but I dont know where else to turn to.
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Kay
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Re: Not an ordinary loss

Post by Kay »

I can see how sad, and indeed tormenting, this is for you, but don't despair - your neighbour may change her mind again, having done so before, and let Tinky out again, when she is sure to come to you

I spent three years carrying my neighbours cat back and forth from his porch, because he wouldn't relinquish her to me, although it got to the point where even the water in her bowl was supplied by me - but in the end he saw sense and she spent the next 14 years as my cat

I have my fingers crossed for you that Tinky gives the toddler a painful scratch, or pees on the floor, or sicks up her food - anything to see her booted out and back to you
Felix19+
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Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2020 6:42 pm

Re: Not an ordinary loss

Post by Felix19+ »

I am new to this forum so just seen your post - I wonder what has happened since August ? I hope you have the cat back if not I do hope you will find you are able to give another cat a lovely home as you are obviously so caring.
I had a similar situation a number of years ago. A cat from the top of the street made close friends with my cat. I would come home and the neighbours cat (I called him Murphy) would be curled up next to my cat in front of the fireplace - It would come in of its own accord through the cat flap. I would let them both out the front door and they wander off together in the front garden. The neighbour from top of street called to get Murphy once or twice and asked me to telephone them if he had come in to let them know. I did apologise but said cats have a will of their own and only stay where they are happy. The couple moved house after a while to a good few streets away and twice Murphy came back once during the middle of the night and slept by me all night- and another morning a couple of weeks later I woke up wondering how Murphy would be and when I looked up there he was curled up at the bottom of the bed ! Each time I rang the owners even though I would have loved to keep him as it was obvious he wanted his home to be with us. He was a lovely cat and I felt very sad to let him go but his owners wanted him back so I felt sadly that it was only right.

Very best thoughts to you
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