I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

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Mollycat
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I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

Post by Mollycat »

Yesterday I had to collect some things from my ex, stopped for a coffee, and most important had a cuddle with my old cat Purdy. Purdy moved in fairly shortly before I moved out 11 years ago but I was still a regular visitor until the last couple of years when my ex moved into a shared house.

But yesterday I popped in, and got to have a cuddle with Purdy.

Purdy is at least 23 years old, so she was born in the last century. She was old enough to vote in the last 3 elections! She came to us as a walk-in, following her companion Henry in 2006-7-ish. We thought she was younger than him but the previous owners told us she was at least 5 years older as they hadn't had her from a kitten either.

Well Purdy is now unmistakeably a very old lady. She is thin with a greasy unkempt coat and sunken eyes, sleeps most of the time and cries the house down if left alone in a room. Her every need and whim are attended to and as always you only have to look at her to get a cheery thrrripp! and a big generous enthusiastic purr. She washed my hand and my nose, sat bolt upright on my lap, and purred and purred. She is absolutely incredible, so happy and loving. A great and humbling reminder that old age and even very old age are a wonderful part of a long life well lived, and not just to be sanitised away because we can't bear the idea of our once lively companion gradually fading. Yes, even if that comes with losing senses, weight and sometimes some bodily control. There is a good chance Purdy has some degree of kidney issues, diabetes or hyperthyroidism, with her weight loss and thirst, but she's nearly a quarter century old for goodness' sake and she is not going to spend her old age in and out of the vets being used as a pincushion or stuffed full of tablets. My own Molly and Snoop-dog maybe knew something as they both spent a very long time sniffing my hands in great detail, and I know the signs. It looks more and more likely now that she like our Sarah will simply forget to wake up one morning, the best ending a cat could possibly ever have.

I guess what I'm saying is, we have to be careful that we are alleviating suffering and not sanitising away the natural process of ageing as it turns to dying if we can't bear to watch. I guess in human terms Purdy is now in a nursing home with some aches and pains but can't complain, and I don't think she needs to be put to sleep any more than our own happy granny does.
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Kay
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Re: I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

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I very much agree with you - I'm sure if an edlerly cat could be consulted, he or she would want to be kept pain free, and no more

it is difficult to watch a beloved friend slowly decline, and it is natural to want to do something, but all my cats have hated going to the vet, and being medicated, so I have always tried to do the least possible to maintain quality of life, and intervene only when there is no longer any quality

even then I have always had the vet visit rather than make that final journey
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Re: I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

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That's just the thing though, Purdy is in that funny space where my ex doesn't fully see it and I see it but also see what he sees, a repeat of old Sarah, a truly skanky thin old cat that is perfectly happy in herself and more enthusiastic than ever about loving her people. No sign of pain or even discomfort, just scraggy, messy, with more love to give than time left to give it. Actually, she reminds me of my dad near the end, he had the most awful looking bedsores but felt absolutely no pain and refused all painkillers to greet us with cheery beaming smiles, genuinely relaxed. In fact he was agitated until they took all the tubes out and then he was fine, he would just once in a while take a single breath of his oxygen tube, the same one he had been trying to tear off when it was forced upon him.

I had the vet come for Misha, sadly my last afternoon with her being spent on the phone trying to find a vet who would come. I wasn't sure what to do for Boo. Is it a good idea when you have other animals in the house? How does it work?
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Kay
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Re: I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

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having the vet come out to euthanise works best when planned, and when it's not an emergency - for Trigger, who had cancer, I booked a couple of days ahead, when metacam was not totally controlling his pain - for Tiffany, who had heart disease, the vet came out after the treatment she had given me a couple of days before clearly wasn't working

but my vet is a country practice, when a lot of treatments are done outside the surgery, and where two vets sleep in every night, so that no doubt makes it easier - and a vet would come in the middle of the night if necessary

if it can be done, it makes those hours spent waiting for the end rather precious, though of course very sad - and its such a relief knowing there is no struggle with a carrier, no waiting to be seen, no frightened cat, no journey home with a body - and I prepared the grave in advance, when I was calm enough to do it

I didn't worry about the other cats, knowing they would absent themselves when the vet and assistant came - I didn't show them the body either, as the sick cat was already living a fairly detached life, and they left them alone most of the time
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Re: I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

Post by Mollycat »

All important stuff to think about when we get nearer to the time for making these decisions. I couldn't have the vet come out to Molly as she would just hide and make the whole thing much more traumatic for everyone. Ironic, when we now have a vet who does offer home visits. But yes with Misha once I finally had someone coming on their way home, the last few hours were part of the precious last few days, but the time ringing around desperately hoping for the one who wouldn't turn their back on us, hurt angry and let down by our own vet who was a family member who said she couldn't come because she was going out for dinner, that was hard and unnecessary. The hospital where Misha had been who had said they would rather haughtily changed their tune when it came to it, and we were left abandoned. The best bit? My own vet, a family member, sent a reminder for Misha's jabs, and when I rang to remind her Misha was dead she asked if I had eventually got someone to come out. I told her who and you could hear the eye roll on the phone - oh. him! Yes, him! who came to help me when I needed help, which you refused, him! who took one look at my little cat and said so kindly, my word you are a poorly pusscat and in that instant completely reassured me that I was doing the right thing ... we have never spoken since.
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Kay
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Re: I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

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some vets sadly are just not tuned in, or caring enough, to do the best by desperate owners, even if they care about animals

because I booked Trigger's final end in advance I was able to have the vet I wanted, and with Tiffany I phoned the vet who had drawn off tons of fluid two days before to tell her it had all returned, which meant the end, and she immediately said she would come when she had finished for the day

neither cat was really in a state to run away, and in any case as they had vaccinations done at home they were not bothered - Trigger died on the top bed of a cat tree where he spent 90% of his last month, and Tiffany on the armchair where she had slept every night for years

I don't think it can be easier than that, for owner and cat
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Re: I visited an old friend - and have some thoughts to share

Post by Mollycat »

That does sound lovely Kay, as lovely as possible anyway. Misha took her last breath on my lap at home. Henry and Boo also died in my arms but Henry's demise was sudden, very roughly handled by the vets (who unfortunately provide out of hours for my own vet) and traumatic. Boo's was at the surgery but really couldn't have been more dignified, gentle and kind, I am glad I had him wait till morning for that but also for the fact he ended up having a good night with all his family around him, he calmed right down into acceptance. Had he stayed hyperstressed as he was at first, I would have been forced to take hi to those awful people too.

I do hope Purdy will get the same peaceful ending as Sarah did though, just going off to sleep and not waking up.
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