No one understands

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Michellewel1
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Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:02 pm

No one understands

Post by Michellewel1 »

I posted just over ago when we put our cat Ruby to sleep. I just feel like no one understands. Im still so heartbroken. I have 2 young children, one is a toddler 20 months, and I feel like I dont get a minute to grieve. Ruby was my shadow, she would lie under my sun lounger, lie next to me in bed, follow me everywhere, even standing on the bathtub when I was in there. If she was outside I was always making sure she was ok, and I would get her in for the night (10pm curfew). I feel like a lost soul searching for her just now as my body hasn't got used to her being missing. I adore my children but I am very irritable towards them just now. Ruby was my wee quiet friend that I could turn to when I needed a moment of calm, away from the noisy clingy children. I also think people have limited sympathy, they expect you to get over your grief quickly as they see she was "only a cat". I have also been on terrible terms with my husband as I partly blame him, I am trying harder to be kinder to him, but he also thinks I'm overreacting (his words). I know it is still early days and the pain will start easing, but it is so hard, I miss her so much. We did discuss rescuing another cat but its far too soon, and it may be more upsetting as they won't be Ruby. Anyway thanks if anyone has read this far, love to all you kind souls xx
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fjm
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Re: No one understands

Post by fjm »

I am so sorry - I can imagine how raw the pain still is, and how everything conspires to make it worse. Try not to blame your husband - he made the decision that you would have made yourself had you had the time and space to think clearly, and his rational approach saved Ruby further suffering. I know that does not help much when you are in pain and he is no doubt reacting defensively, but it may be something to hold on to.

Can you make a small, quiet time in your day when you can talk to Ruby in your mind and remember her with love? I found great comfort when my mind showed me an image of my beloved little dog safely cradled in my mother's arms - a reminder that love does not end with death.

I agree that it is too soon for another cat, but in time a kitten, who will make his own place in your hearts and not be expected to fill Ruby's space, may be a good idea. You will know when you are ready, or Ruby will find one for you.
Michellewel1
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:02 pm

Re: No one understands

Post by Michellewel1 »

Thank you so much. You are right, its just so raw at the moment. I had a phonecall from the vets today to say she was back, so I'll scatter some of her ashes out the back garden and keep some in the house. I keep hoping ill hear her jumping on the bed, even looked up cat ghosts last night while the tears were tripping me. Thank you again for your kind words 💕xx
Bertie 2017
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Re: No one understands

Post by Bertie 2017 »

Hi I totally understand what you’re saying and
Feeling , you see I lost my Bertie just over 3years ago ,
And often I feel the pain and sorrow is just the same . I thought time was a great healer . Yes things do improve
You manage each day as it comes , and get through it the best way you can , because that’s all you can do , you
Feel stuck in time, and focused on your loss , even in
The good days it’s always there ,I suppose we love our cats
Just as you would a family member , and rightly so. They
Become our whole world , losing Bertie almost destroyed
Me . You see he was only seven years old , my sunshine
So yes I totally understand how you feel and there
Are many people on this website . Who will support you
And more importantly never judge you , so your never alone, we are here for you hugs and kisses x
Sempaiko91
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Joined: Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:48 pm

Re: No one understands

Post by Sempaiko91 »

Hi,

I just wanted you to know that you’re 100% not alone. A week ago today my best friend was hit by a car and he was only 4 years old, we had to make the decision to put him to sleep on the 4th just a few days after his accident due to unforeseen complications when we all thought he was going to get better. He was a huge part of my life and the hole that I’m feeling in my soul right now is immense. The weight of it all is honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m angry, in denial, heartbroken and everything in between. I blame myself, the vets, whoever ran him over. Everyone.

I find comfort in knowing that he was loved every day, cared for every day, and felt safe and secure in his home. His last moments aren’t what define him or my feelings for him at all. I’ve ordered a little locket to put some of his fur inside, and a little casket for his ashes which I’m going to stand on his favourite windowsill with a picture of him. I know everyone’s different and we grieve differently, but I totally understand and you’re not overreacting at all. You need to feel all your feelings and not be ashamed of them. Everything you’re feeling is totally valid.
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