Still cannot accept my loss

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Post Reply
Bertie 2017
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 149
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2018 8:24 pm
No. of cats in household: 1

Still cannot accept my loss

Post by Bertie 2017 »

Hi i am not new on this website ,you see I lost my cat Bertie ,just over 3 years ago, he was only seven years old ,and had so much more to live for ,I feel cheated ,and angry by my
Loss ,and feel ,I cannot move on ,I am still feeling like I am living in limbo ,and each and every day ,is a battle ,I keep seeing people so happy and getting on with their lives ,
Without a care in the world ,and keep asking why me ,? I have always been a kind ,good and
Honest person ,and feel fate and life has been cruel and unkind ,people keep saying things
Like he’s in a better place ,and it was his time ,far from bringing me comfort ,it just hurts
More ,thinking people just don’t understand ,my doctor ,give me a phone number with
A breavment councillor, I only had a short time with her ,I felt it stopped too soon ,
I feel I am a different person ,not the happy go lucky person I used to be ,Bertie was my whole world my everything ,and he was cruelly taken from me , I miss him so much ,
Nothing in the world ,will make me happy except his brother basil ,he’s the only thing that has kept me going ,and I am thankful for the online support ,I am no stranger to pet loss ,
But this grief is something different ,more painful ,can anyone please help ,.?
I need to move forward ,but I am stuck in the past ,long so much for Bertie ,
Lenelor
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Feb 01, 2021 9:53 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: United States

Re: Still cannot accept my loss

Post by Lenelor »

It sounds like you had a special connection with Bertie, and seven years old is a young age for a cat. It makes sense that you feel cheated. Unfortunately, I don't think that the manner or timing of the deaths of people or pets that we love have a direct relationship to the content of our characters. Sometimes grief settles in for what feels like way too long, and it is extremely painful. It may be that other circumstances in your life are complicating your grief journey, and adding to the stress. I find when people offer platitudes like "they're in a better place" or "it was their time" it is not helpful. Neither of those possibilities recognize the real suffering you are feeling in the present. It may be that you've experienced a shattering of your assumptive world, and you're trying to make sense of life again, and that takes a lot of energy and reflection and it's hard. I mean, as adults we tend to "know" that life is unfair, but when an actual tragedy strikes us personally that reality can damage our ability to believe in a positive future. We learn from experience, and maybe your brain is still scrambling to figure out how to feel okay when your connection to Bertie is no longer physical. Different activities help different people move through their grief. Some people need to talk about their loss over and over again, some find journaling helpful, or memorializing their loved one with a scrapbook or some kind of artwork.
Bertie 2017
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 149
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2018 8:24 pm
No. of cats in household: 1

Re: Still cannot accept my loss

Post by Bertie 2017 »

Hi thank you so much for your support ,I feel everything you said ,is true ,I don’t know if.
You know Bertie’s story ? . Bertie was a wonderful cat ,who lived life too the full ,not bad
For only having one eye , at first I thought it would hold him back ,no Bertie was the most ,
Head strong ,stubborn ,and naughty cat I have ever had ,he brighten up my life ,and brought
Me so much joy and happiness, I have often said , our souls were one ,he understood ,
My moods , Bertie ended up ,with bladder nerve damage ,due we think too damage too his
Spin and tail ,basically his bladder was filling up ,and he wasn’t. Going too the litter box ,
For three weeks ,the vet and I ,had to ,squeeze him ,so he could go ,at first I was told ,
It was something else ,so I got my hopes up ,but in the end ,I had to accept the battle
Was lost , so I decided to let him go , I couldn’t let him suffer anymore ,after all this
Condition ,does not mean the end ,most cat owners ,keep the cats alive by ,becoming a
Nurse maid ,for Bertie it ment expressed his bladder ,daily baths ,and even wearing a nappy,
For the rest of his life ,I didn’t what that ,because knowing Bertie ,it would have been cruel,
Because he had a happy life ,I let him go ,out of love ,but it has left a huge hole ,I think
I just need time ,and let my grief run it’s course ,Bertie is still a huge part of my life
Lenelor
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Feb 01, 2021 9:53 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: United States

Re: Still cannot accept my loss

Post by Lenelor »

You had to make an excruciating decision. Knowing how much pride cats take in their dignity, it's hard for me to imagine a cat enjoying life with a condition like Bertie suffered. It's good to know his time with you was full of love and joy before his last illness. If he knew your emotions so well he was probably especially attached to you, too. Watching a loved one go through an illness like that hurts, the images can stick in your head or pop up with seemingly random triggers. Then with pets there's the additional weight of responsibility since you have to make all the decisions for them, but you can't control some of the illnesses they may acquire.

It makes sense that you're still grieving. Not that grief ever completely ends, because Bertie is part of your history and who you are now, so he will likely always be with you in that way. I know it's a poor substitute for the comfort and connection and brightness you shared with him in life. I don't think that reaching a more general state of acceptance has to be about letting go or seeking closure or even saying goodbye. How do you say goodbye to a companion that has become so deeply entwined with your heart? Regardless of spiritual beliefs, the impact of a deep connection makes changes in your brain that stay with you. Of course, that impact makes adapting to life without the physical presence of your loved one a rough journey.
Post Reply