I’m not coping

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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I’m not coping

Post by Boodolly »

In the early hours of this morning 10/01/2021, my beloved Phoebe walked over the rainbow bridge. Although she was nearly 16 it has come as a total shock. She’s been fine, nothing out of the ordinary, but at 23:30 last night she was violently sick and took herself to the kitchen where she then began to yarl, a blood curdling noise that showed her complete pain and the loss of her back legs. We rushed her to the emergency vet and had to hand over our precious girl and wait in the car park for a vet to call us. I knew it wasn’t good, her pain was excruciating. The vet called and told us that she had a thrombosis that had cut off the blood supply to her back legs and that it was very painful for her, they’d given her pain relief immediately and oxygen, but that, even though they could help her, it would happen again.

I could not let my girl suffer and at 16 she’s been a very low maintenance cat, never had to traipse to the vets with her at all, boosters every year and a water infection every now and again. We’ve been fortunate. The vet told me that they could not let me in the building when they were going to euthanise her, this I could not handle, so I begged them to do it while I was sat in my car, they did. They brought her to me and she was crying in pain, as soon as I held her, she stopped and settled, she looked straight at me and the vet let her drift away. The whole thing from her first painful scream had only been just over an hour. It was quick. I brought her home and my girls said their goodbyes to Phoebe who has been here their whole lives, we buried her at 2:15 this morning, not wanting to prolong the agony.

I feel robbed. It was a total shock, completely unexpected. I feel like I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye and I can’t believe I’m never going to see Phoebe again, I’m bereft. I don’t know what to do, I can’t stop crying, real sobbing, it’s constant. My heart hurts, I loved her so. My husband works away regularly and she was my companion, my friend, my crutch. My home feels empty, I’m lonely. My eldest daughter and husband are sad, but cracking on, probably because I’ve fallen apart. My youngest daughter is like me, can’t sleep tonight, keeps crying, doesn’t understand the feelings she’s feeling. I feel like I have a hole and I feel so alone. I’ve never experienced the grief I’m feeling. My darling Phoebe Boo was my cat and to say I miss her doesn’t seem enough.
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Re: I’m not coping

Post by fjm »

I am so sorry - it is always hard to lose a beloved cat, and saddle thrombosis is so sudden and so traumatic. But even in your panic and anxiety you acted fast to do the very best for Phoebe, and thought of her and not yourself. She knew you were there holding her, and that she relaxed shows her complete trust that you would stop the pain. Grief hurts, physically as well as emotionally, and Phoebe's death has wrenched a huge hole in your life. Be kind to yourselves and to each other, and try hard to remember her relaxed and happy, rather than that last brief hour of pain and fear. Fly high, Phoebe, and snooze curled warm in your Mum's heart until it is time to all meet again.
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