Desperately need another option...

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Phantom579
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Desperately need another option...

Post by Phantom579 »

Hey, new here. Sorry for making a new thread that im sure has been made hundreds of times... But lines have been crossed and if i cant find a solution then the only option i can see is rehoming. Ive cried thinking about it for several hours now because i really dont want to see him go as hes kind of all i have right now. He recently peed on my pillow and all across my bed for the first time, and then the second time as soon as i had the bed put back together again. Im bad about rambling so im just going to present facts in an effort to not write a novel (Edit: Its still a novel)

Medical Notes
- Got him from a friend who's outdoor cat had a litter, took him home at 2 months old and he is now pushing 3 and a half years old, neutered
- He is on Urinary SO food for crystals in his urine. Also has had several urinary infections before, tho theyve gotten much less frequent as time goes on
- Vets say he has Idiopathic Cystitis, which i understand to more or less mean he gets an upset bladder when hes stressed and it can cause him to choose different places to pee
- Ever since he was maybe 6 months old or so we've had on going issues with him peeing outside of the box (he has two) on soft stuff like couches, laundry piles, etc... but never any issue with carpets or beds (except for his and the dog's beds)
- I would not say that hes been spraying, as often times this is a full bladder release type situation

Living situations
- When we got him, I had 5 roommates and one of them had a dog who was only a few years old
- We've had to relocate roughly 4 times since we got him due to many life changes, though he always seemed to adjust within in a few days and was comfortable and happy within a couple weeks
- Currently I still live with the roommate who had the dog (lets call them B), as well as the dog. The cat and dog have always gotten along well and wrestle/play fairly often
- Im looking to move out on my own in the next year or so. B has a new significant other who is over a lot (lets call him T), and while the cat doesnt seem stressed by his presence, Im beginning to wonder if maybe he is. Hes been over more and more lately, and up until the last month or so the cat has been really good about not peeing anywhere wierd (at least a few weeks between incidences)

I really want to see if its just an issue of the other people stressing him out, but the only viable way i can do that is by moving out into my own place which is ALMOST financially possible, but i need a couple more months at least to be confident. There was a week or so when B took the dog on a trip a while before T was even a thing, leaving just me and the cat alone. He was super affectionate during that time and always wanted to be pet, was always purring and was almost a little clingy. This wasnt really uncharacteristic, but it was all to a slightly higher degree than normal. When they got back he did the whole arched back thing and was extremely wary at first, and took a full day to really relax around them, but he went back to normal. It was just his initial reaction that has me wondering.

Since then, B and T have gotten more serious and he spends the night more often. The cat is fine around him, doesnt hide or anything and lets him pet him, but ive noticed the cat asking me for attention less and being less clingy, and weve noticed an increase in frequency of him peeing on stuff. Recently, he peed on a pair of shorts i had on the floor, which has been a daily habit of mine for years and rarely has he peed on them. He did it while i was at work, i switched to a new pair when i got home, and when i woke up they were peed on. Took him to the vet to rule out an infection and 2 days later i accidentally left the shorts on the floor again when i left for 20 minutes. Came back, and they were peed on. I dont leave them there anymore since its clearly an issue, but im sure if i forget even once theyll get peed on. Then just 3 days ago while i was in my room playing games on my computer, he completely unloaded his bladder on my pillow and across my bed. That was the first time he had ever done that, and it was the first time i thought to myself "I might ACTUALLY have to get rid of him if he starts hitting beds now." Luckily i had a protector on it. I immediately went online and overnighted some calming pheromone collars because the vet had said something about trying them when i last took him in. He seemed very different after i put it on, but he was definitely seeming pretty calm. Quieter and i havent seen the zoomies once when it was normally like every other day. He is much lower energy and while i did expect it, it makes me a little wary because he just seems off.

While everything was getting washed i flipped the mattress against the wall when i wasnt using it since there was no protector or anything on it. Put it back together last night and decided i had to test it, so i left it down today while i was at work. All day i just had this feeling that i was gonna come home to a wet pillow even tho he seemed like he wasnt stressed at all. About 5 or 6 hours after i had left the house, i got a call from my roommate saying he did it again. I ended up leaving work early because it was slow and i was really messed up about the whole situation. Started tearing up pretty much the moment i got on the road because ive done everything i can think of to try and stop this before i couldnt handle it anymore. But its getting to that point. Im always stressed and worried that were going to find a new spot hes peed, and he has ruined a lot of furniture, none of which was mine. I love him so much but hes causing so much stress and a lot of damage, I dont know how much more i can handle. I just hate the idea of rehoming because it feels like im giving up on him, and i know hes going to be so scared and confused and Im starting to cry again just typing this. I dont know what else to do and giving him up is the very last option, but im having a hard time finding any other options. Im planning to call the vet and maybe a rescue/shelter to ask for any final things i can try, but i think im losing hope at this point
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fjm
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Re: Desperately need another option...

Post by fjm »

I wonder if perhaps you and your cat have got into a spiral of stress that is creating much of the problem? Anxiety about him peeing inappropriately has you stressed out (very understandably, given your situation), he picks up on your anxiety, becomes more stressed, pees more, and so it spirals up and out of control. Cats are extremely attuned to human emotions, especially when they are indoor cats entirely dependent on their owners.

Before you make any major decisions I would buy some time to calm things down by careful management. As far as possible I would keep him in my own room, making it as pleasant as I could for him with high spots to rest in and comfy pads on the windowsill, along with food, water and a couple of trays. That way you do not have to worry about him peeing on your flatmate's things. Discomfort from crystals while using a tray in the past may be making him reluctant to use them now, so perhaps try a different shape/different litter/incontinence pads. Cover the bed and any other vulnerable furniture in your room with cheap shower curtains (£2.25 from IKEA, or try your local cheapo shops). A few cheap fleece throws will make surfaces comfortable and are easily washed. Spread them in any spots he is particularly likely to use around the flat. Then invest in a large size bottle of a good enzymatic cleaner, and perhaps a bottle of wine or some special chocolates for your long-suffering flatmate. You already have pillow and mattress covers in place, so with care you should be able to reduce the work from any incidents to a small load of washing or a soiled incontinence pad.

Once peeing inappropriately is not a major disaster but something you can cope with fairly easily it becomes much easier to relax. I have an elderly dog prone to cystitis and a puppy, and both have been suffering from gastroenteritis this week - I do know what it can be like! If you can manage things until you can afford a place of your own there will no longer be the worry of upsetting other people, and that too will bring stress levels down. So hold on in there, scour the shops for suitable throws and tell yourself that you can do this.
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Mollycat
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Re: Desperately need another option...

Post by Mollycat »

It sounds to me like he is telling you loud and clear he isn't happy with your living arrangements. If you can't change the environment, then letting him go somewhere that suits him better isn't giving up, it's doing the right thing for him. However if you could change the environment but had other priorities, that might be giving up, but there has to be a balance. You can't put yourself into a situation where you can barely afford a home, for his benefit, and struggle to feed him or fold at the first vet bill, or never be able to travel or socialise and end up isolated with cat and nobody else in your life. The other concern is the number of cats needing homes, especially since lockdown.

So it's a matter of weighing everything up, and taking a long hard look in the mirror. If cat's happiness means your misery, then letting him go to someone who can give him a peaceful home could be right for him, and for you. But if that is what's best for him, then it isn't giving up, it's putting his needs first. Whatever happens, calming soothing potions and collars are no more a solution for a cat than a bag of weed is for us.
Phantom579
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Re: Desperately need another option...

Post by Phantom579 »

Thank you for the input. Ive seen you comment on a lot of posts here so i was happy to see your name pop up. Ill do my best to set things up for him and try to make him more comfortable until i can move, unless it doesnt seem like anything is helping at all. The last thing i want is for him to be unhappy and while rehoming hurts, at the moment he and I are BOTH unhappy with the situation. Its not fair to anyone involved. Ive not stopped thinking about it and weighing options, pros and cons, etc... and while id ideally like to keep my little buddy, ultimately i want him to have the best situation possible and if i cant give him that then hopefully we can find someone who can.

My family has adopted several cats in my life and it kind of ocurred to me that many of those cats may have been in similar situations -- unhappy in their homes or the owners couldnt give them the care they needed -- and they ended up in a loving home so id like to think the same would end up happening with him.

Its an awful situation and i greatly appreciate your input
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