Gave up too soon?

[VickyA79]

Hello. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, so apologies if it's not.

I have a 13 year old male cat. He is such a lovely, friendly cat. Nine weeks ago, my sister-in-laws cat had kittens and we decided to have one. I got to see the kitten every week and had numerous photos and videos of him sent to me.

I picked him up on Friday and brought him home. I had read about keeping the cats separate for a few weeks, which is what I had intended to do. However, the kitten would cry constantly if left alone for any amount of time. I tried ignoring him, but it was awful hearing him so distressed.

So I made the decision to let the cats see each other. My cat was horrified and so angry, hissing and growling. I have never seen him like that. He went out and refused to come in. He sat in the middle of the garden in the rain and looked so sad. The kitten was petrified.

That night, I brought my cat in and locked him in the back half of the house, which I normally do, and put the kitten in the bedroom I had set up for him. As soon as the kitten was alone, he started crying again, so we had to bring him in our bedroom.

The next morning, things were still awful between them. My cat was constantly hissing and scratching at the back door to get out, and again, would not come into the house. It was breaking my heart to see him so distressed, so after having the kitten for just over 1 day, I took him back. Luckily he was accepted back by his mum and siblings.

But I feel so unbelievably sad. I cannot stop crying. Seeing the kitten grow, and falling in love with him, but then giving him back has really taken it out of me. I think I have made a huge mistake.

Have I been too hasty? Does anyone think my cat would have grown to like the new kitten? I really miss him x

[nanny pamy]

Oh this is so sad for you and im sure you,ll get lots of advice. Ive only just joined here so im no expert. But I felt so sad when you said your cat sat in the garden in the rain and wouldn't come in. I think I would have taken the kitten back too but ive no idea how long it takes for them to accept each other so hope you get some good advice. Good luck. x

[VickyA79]

Thank you for replying. I'm glad you would have done the same thing, I just wish I didn't feel so sad x

[Jacks]

Dear Vicky,

Poor you! Firstly, after 1 day the little kitten will have been accepted back fine with his mother, so in a sense you did the right thing there. However I wouldn't entirely give up at this stage. From the sound of the distress and crying the little baby was probably not ready to leave his mother. 9 weeks is still very young and really the minimum time for him to be weened and able to leave her. He will not come to any harm staying with her while his confidence grows and he learns lots of grown-up manners. I would think 13 weeks would be a better time.

Secondly, if you do decide to have another go, please read the excellent advice on this site about bonding and hierarchies. As you have seen, letting a needy kitten loose on your resident cat without any introductions was not a good move. The noises the kitten had been making were probably enough to scare your boy as well! A good move might be to start swapping little blankets for scent between your boy and the kitten, so that your boy, particularly, can get used to the kitten's smell. At 13 years being faced with a tiny kitten must have shocked your boy to the core - no wonder he went and sat outside in the rain - his whole world had suddenly been turned upside down.

In short - I don't think it's impossible at this stage to introduce a kitten, although your boy was perfectly happy to be an 'only child' but I think it was too soon, and too quick...

[VickyA79]

Thank you for your kind words. We have decided to give it another try! We will wait until he is 13 weeks old and follow all the instructions on this website. I will update this with the outcome x

[Jacks]

Please do! Good luck and don't forget the scent swapping - scent means so much to cats. When you get your baby home plug in some Feliway diffusers, spray the carrier and the receiving room (and outside the door, where your boy will be sniffing) with Feliway spray. You can get this on Amazon best price - it's a synthetic pheromone that cats leave when they mark 'their' territory - and makes them feel at home. Also rub some of your resident cat's smell with a cloth on the little one's fur, so he smells like resident cat, not so much like foreign cat...

Will be thinking of you. x

[VickyA79]

Ok, so we got the kitten back on Saturday and have kept him as much as possible in his own room. I have swapped blankets a few times and let the kitten roam around the house when my older cat is out.

Yesterday they saw each other for the first time through the patio doors. The kitten was very happy to see another cat and was purring and meowing softly. My other cat however was very angry and was hissing, growling and hitting the glass. For some reason this didn't phase the kitten at all, he just sat there blinking really slowly at my cat.

My cat has become very sad again. He will come into the house on his own now, but it seems as soon as he is in he wants to go straight back out.

He is normally a very happy, gentle cat who loves fuss and attention, but I can barely get him to purr at the moment.

They have both eaten their food either side of a closed door, with a few hisses from my cat.

I so hope this works out. I feel so guilty!

[Jacks]

Patience is the key here - sounds like your kitten will not be the problem but the old cat is frightened and unsure. You will need to keep on with the scent swapping and maybe get some Rescue Remedy for your older boy - a lot of people on here swear by it - and the feliway. I'm integrating a new 2 year old cat with my other 4 at the moment. They all react differently - one was really frightened (growling, hissing, screaming if the cat got near her) but we're into the 4th week and this is subsiding and the new one and the scared one are sharing the same area during the day and are sorting themselves out. It takes time; on occasions lucky people find two cats just seem to meld straight away, but it's not always the case. You can't give up after a couple of days as that it far to soon for a mature cat to accept another on it's territory...

The eating in close proximity sounds like a good positive move - keep that up! Sounds like you're actually handling this very well. The new kitten is also giving all the right signals, so mum has taught him well

[VickyA79]

I have the felliway diffuser plugged in in the room my cat spends most of his time. Funnily enough I was about to go out and buy some Bach Flower Remedies - Walnut and Beech. I actually have Rescue Remedy at home, so perhaps I will try that first. I have also ordered some Zylkene which seems to have good reviews. I will update in a few days time.

[VickyA79]

Well things don't seem to be improving at all. My cat doesn't want to come in the house. I have to catch him and bring him in. He then sits at the back door crying to get out. I put the kitten in a cage when my cat is in, and he is kept in his room at night or when we are not home.

I really don't think this is going to work out. It's been 11 days and I think things are getting worse.

Jacks - how are you getting on with your new kitten? x