advice for adopting a kittens sibling or not

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cr0wjane
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advice for adopting a kittens sibling or not

Post by cr0wjane »

Hello all! Im new. Never met a cat I didnt like. :) I am in a situation that is giving me some anxiety and would love anyones advice/experience/opinion, if they dont mind taking the time to share.

I just recently lost my special bobo, suddenly, traumatically, and unexpectedly. It was especially difficult because I only had 4 amazing years with him. I'm finding it hard to know where to put my love. He fulfilled me in a way i didnt know i needed, but now i feel lonely. I am however not lonely. I have 2 dogs and another kitty. Bobo was a loving cat who slept with me, and cuddled. My other animals don't really do that.. I love them all!

Needless to say, I am picking up a 3 month old male kitten tomorrow. The place I am getting him from already is mentioning adopting a sibling too. I can be very easily influenced to do so, especially because I feel bad separating them.

I know there's a bunch of benefits of adopting siblings. I still cant get rid of my anxiety about getting two instead of one. expanding our family of pets to 5. Im worried about making my other kitty become left out. She is a 6ish year old tortoise shell. with the well known "tortie-tude" shes very independent and picky about who she lets close. She loves me, and my dog I had when I adopted her. She has learned to love my husband, now that Ive taught him how to pet a fragile cat like her... She has finally stopped swiping at my other dog I got 4 years ago. They arent "friends" but the co exist just fine. When I got bobo, they seemed to get along, she would play with him, and he would lick her head. In the last year or so, though, they co existed ok, but she seemed to think he played too rough...

It seems like for the years he was around, she kinda retreated to the background. she liked to be up high... Didnt really cuddle or anything. Since hes been gone, shes laying on my lap more, and just having a larger presence in general.

Its been less than 2 months since bobo's passed, and I am worried that maybe shes happier being the only cat. I dont want anyone to be unhappy or uncomfortable.

What do you think? have you had a similar situation? Should I FOR SURE just get a sibling? or do you think it will be just fine with one. If I do get a sibling and there isnt one that is obviously bonded with him, does gender matter? would juniper be more likely to get along with 2 male kittens or a male and female?

Also, my husband is traveling for work right now, he knows I am adopting the kitten tomorrow. I havent spoken to him about the possibility of adopting a sibling. Ive expressed to him how amazing sibling kitties are and how we should just get a pair... but, It was in that light hearted sorta joking kind of way. He is very understanding and adaptable but I know he would be apprehensive about me adopting two.

That's kind of a jumbled mess of a lot of info. If you read it all, THANKS... haha. If anyone has 2 cents to give that would be amazing.

be well all!
-Chloe
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Mollycat
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Re: advice for adopting a kittens sibling or not

Post by Mollycat »

Hi Chloe, welcome to the forum and sorry for your loss - they say we all have that Special Cat once in a lifetime who is just a part of our soul, and it sounds like maybe Bobo was yours.

I'm afraid you're not going to like my thoughts, but perhaps the same has already crossed your mind. I can only go by what you say, but I wouldn't be getting another one or two at this stage. That message seems to be your Tortie speaking. I've no doubt she would get used to another cat but she is now another 4 years older and one never mind two kittens are likely to irritate her, especially if she has just started to relax and become more loving. Some cats just are better alone, especially girls. My partner would love a Maine Coon kitten but he realises Molly needs to be our only cat, and my cat from a previous relationship who seemed happy enough when there were two became a whole new cat when we lost the other one early.

But it's not just your tortie cat, it's you. I'm hearing that you haven't discussed this fully with your husband, am I right? You say he knows you're picking up another kitten but haven't talked about two, but even he knows rather than we agreed is ringing big alarm bells with me. Adding a new member of the family isn't something we can decide alone, it's a big commitment to months of slow introductions and dealing with potential war that could ultimately end up with a rehoming. It's a risk we take every time we bring a new animal into our family. If you are not in complete agreement and commitment, the potential for arguments, more stress, blame, anxiety and upset are real. And they won't help you or your tortie cat.

But most of all, grieving is a tough and painful process and it's one with no short cuts. Bringing a new animal into your life will not fill the void, it can even make it much more acute. Dealing with one upset tortie cat while desperately avoiding your own grief is not going to help. Perhaps now might not be the time for a new kitten. It sounds l=to me like you need to give yourself time to explore the void inside you, let your bleeding heart begin to heal, and turn the anxiety around into harmony within you as well as in your family and household, before thinking about bringing more bundles of energy into the mix.
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