We're looking at adopting a bonded pair of rescue (young) cats or kittens into the family. Key criteria (aside from being cute, per my kids, and healthy) is that the cats will fit into the family and be affectionate/friendly (& ideally somewhat playful).
Prior experience looking at rescues is of 1 cat* - our previous rescue, an 18mth old neutered tom, who when we visited him in his pen in the rescue centre, was active, playful and friendly/affectionate/interacting pretty much from the first minute - he chose us/our son, effectively. Then a few years ago we lost him.
Fast-forward a few years and we're looking again. I know things have changed because of Covid, but it feels very different...and the cats we're seeing seem different.
- First pair were 14-week kittens raised at a fosterer, who were very social, immediately affectionate, but were noticeably underweight and hadn't been taken to see a vet (!), so despite their behaviour being right (if rather sedate for kittens), those warning signs and some rather contradictory statements from the fosterer put me on guard enough to move on.
- Second pair (24-week kittens, think given up due to allergies) were billed as being affectionate, but we were shown them in an unfamiliar room to both us and the cats, so the cats were very shy and difficult to interact with. No idea of their true personalities, not sure how we'd know without adopting them and finding out. Second visit and they were still the same.
- Third pair (6-month kittens, given up after 5.5mths as born into a household with several cats already, so wondering how much socialisation/interaction they actually got) we saw today, who were also billed as being affectionate - boy moreso than girl. Get to see them in their pen (home for the last 2 weeks), to find them also rather timid - they would take stroking (and the boy started purring after 5 minutes) but didn't physically warm to it or seek it out - the girl in particular would shy away from your hand. Boy at second attempt let me pick him up and hold him for a few minutes, but again didn't seem to relax. When we left 50 mins later they'd still not changed demeanour.
...and my key questions are:-
- Is this normal? Am I expecting too much and this is perfectly normal behaviour?
- Will they (probably) settle down and become affectionate family cats / lap cats with some settling-in time and some patience? (Possible fly in the ointment here is we have a typical active, occasionally loud 3y.o. daughter)
- ...and were we really fortunate in the behaviour of the cat we adopted years ago, or is his behaviour more normal and we should be walking away from the ones we've seen? My prior experience was as a child and 'my' cat then was equally affectionate and playful, so this is my view of "normal".
Now I've probably made a small mistake already here. I said to my son I wanted him involved in the decision as to which cats we chose, but he seems to be falling for each pair when we visit almost regardless (although he did acknowledge that 2nd pair definitely weren't right). But I didn't expect to be encountering so many timid cats...and I didn't expect the rescue centres to be the ones driving the process to the degree they are.
I'm currently sitting here worried about making the wrong decision and either ending up with hide-away cats and disappointed kids (and me), or 'giving them back' in a month or two, which will feel wrong to me, will mess the poor cats around even more, and will probably break my son's heart a second time...
* OK, not strictly true, we did look at others on the same day, but this was years ago and they didn't stick in the memory because they didn't do what he did and we didn't take them home.
