Adopting a third cat...concerned

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emmab
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Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

We adopted 2 cats from our local shelter 18 months ago. When we went there we had planned to adopt another cat I had seen on the website but when we arrived at the shelter we fell in love with two others at reception and brought them home. We never got to see the original cat. Since then I have had this awful guilt that we never adopted the other. Unfortunately he is still there and have found it hard to understand why this is. I have been to see him today with a view to adopt him. He is fit and healthy but very timid, although he gets on fine in a pen with other cats. I am torn with wether to get him or not. He is very timid and seems very sad although has a nice big run. The timidness I can cope with as I have all the patience in the world to help him adjust but I am very concerned our current cats will feel pushed out or less friendly towards us and him. I know cats adjust and the shelter has allowed me 2 weeks to see how he settles in with the chance of sending him back if things don't work out. Am I doing the right thing? i am aware of the correct way of bringing the old and new cats together, I am just concerned for our cats as I do not want them made unhappy or unsettled. The female is more highly strung than the male which is normaly for a girly cat, but not sure how she will react to 2 males in the house.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Jacks »

I think you're doing a lovely thing and you should go with your heart here. If he's comfortable in a pen with other cats (so his timidness is relating to humans, not other cats) then he's giving off all the right signals and given proper introductions he'll be absolutely fine.

Regarding your current two, you'll probably find introducing another male a lot less problematic than introducing another female, if your current female is the dominant cat and highly strung. It will be another male for her to boss. You may well find things are a bit disrupted for a while, but it will pass. Patience, gentleness, love and sensitivity and you will make it work.

I have 5 now, but when I had three I started to introduce the worst possible 4th cat - a hated half-feral male who had tormented my three girls outside, but whom I'd trapped and had neutered. Over the next 8 months he had become quieter and quite devoted, and wanted to move in. They all hated him. Now, a year later, they are generally fine with him. The dominant female gives him arbitrary whacks when he passes her from time to time, so he knows she is the boss, and the other girls are used to him and he's part of the family. So even where there is a history, if you work at it (getting them to play alongside each other, feeding treats, praise and careful handling) you can do wonderful things. And how much better that my lad sleeps in his dog basket at night in a warm room than is roaming the streets in the rain.

Your boy too will be so much happier to have a proper home and in time be part of his own cat family. xx
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

Jacks, what a lovely post thank you. You are so right. The most important things to me are that I help a very needy cat without hurting or upsetting our two. I know my husband is concerned by the latter. I always try and adopt the more needy cats. The lady at the SPA thinks that he has not been adopted because people don't like timid cats. We did adopt another one a couple of years ago without much success as our old cat was very accepting of her but she wasn't of him! She also developed an awful blood disorder and was put to sleep after just 3 months.
The only other issue she said about was the new cat will need shutting in a room as he will bolt if he gets out initially. They have given me a 2 week trial to see how we get on. Normally it is only 8 days.
Your cats sound wonderful. I would have 5 given a chance. It sounds like you have a dog too. How do they get on with a dog?
Keep up the good work and how rewarding.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Jacks »

Hello Emmab,

I can understand your husband's worries, and having extra cats DOES change things, but once the initial upheaval is sorted out I think cats actually like having the company and the interest. Even a little competition over who explores a new cat bed first is an excitement in their lives.

When I got girl number 5, the other girls were wary of her, and it's taken a long time for HER to be truly comfortable in her home - because they've all worked out their relationships. But after 46 weeks (how I know that is another story) the dominant female finally accepted her completely as one of her 'charges' and the little tail up in the air and a new bounce in her step showed me Phoebe had found her place at last. Now to see her in the garden exchanging 'kisses' with her family is lovely. She welcomed the big boy immediately, being a 'cat friendly' cat, as she had no history with him... So being cat-friendly, as your timid boy is, is a very important factor.

No, we don't have a dog - the basket has to do with his (Mr Sock's) moving in! When we first noticed our 'wild boy' and asked around the neighbourhood a neighbour across the road said he sometimes came in their cat flap looking for an easy meal and they'd come home one day to find him curled up in the dog basket with their little dog!! They didn't dare try to touch him as he was all hissy and growly, but left him to leave in his own time. So I guessed that at some time in his history he's had some contact with a dog... When he started asking to come in at night, rather than stay outside (wonderful!) I got him a small dog basket with a comfy cushion. That evening when he was pawing on the the kitchen patio doors at 11.30 at night, I let him in. He went straight to the basket, did 'paddy-paws' (kneading) then curled up in it. I shut the door to the kitchen, and that was where he spent the night, and has done ever since! In the morning I let him into the rest of the house and the girls come to greet him - all but my smallest girl who is still scared of him, hence the restriction at night, as she's the one who sleeps curled up next to me and if he was around she'd be scared and wouldn't settle. Hopefully in time they will be completely integrated and I can give him free roam at night as well as in the day.

In fact we were in a similar situation to you, in that we got the second kitten as companion to the first, but in the same cage in the shelter was a quiet, older female, who no-one wanted; in this case because the RSPCA had laughably sent her and the kitten to a DOG RESCUE as mousers, but they were domestic, not wild... The older female came straight up to me when I picked up the kitten, nuzzling and purring, and I had to say 'sorry I can't take you'. A few months later I looked on the dog rescue website and saw they were still offering the cat for homing. I phoned them and was told they'd had no interest in her (black and white, fluffy) and they were so upset for her, as she was adorable and just wanted a loving human (this is true - she's sitting beside me now) and was a very quiet, easy-going cat. So I went back and got her. Our only worry was that she'd upset the nice little relationship between the kittens. But she needed us, and I felt drawn to her and that it was the right thing. The kitten she'd been in rescue with seemed to have forgotten her, and it took a few weeks for things to settle down (5 - 6 for the initial kitten to settle) as we realised she was a true 'Queen' a dominant female. Now she is the peacekeeper and boss of our home and the neighbourhood duchess. We have never regretted for a moment giving her a home. She is the most precious girl, the only one to 'meow' (asking for food, play, one of the litter boxes to be cleaned or us to sit down so she can choose a comfy spot!); our alarm clock for breakfast and the most adoring and gentle lap cat, whilst actually being immensely playful and a skilled acrobat!! All things the rescue never knew she could be, stuck in a cage. So you never know how your timid boy will be once he's got a proper home and love to blossom.

It sounds like the rescue would really like you to give it a go, and I would just say, go for it! Things might change a little, but changes are not bad, and your lives will all be richer.

Let us know what happens!
x
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Jacks »

By the way, my 'Avatar' is Queen Sophie. My beautiful 'boss cat'!
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Crewella »

I agree with Jacks here, go with your heart. I now have a mixed bunch that have arrived at different times and, after a couple of weeks of settling in and establishing pecking orders, they have all adapted and settled in fine. Some get along better than others, but they all know where they stand with each other. It sounds as though this boy is already a sociable cat with other cats, so that's half the battle right there - the only time I've had a failure to settle in was with a boy who, quite clearly, didn't much like other cats and wanted 'his' person all to himself.

Introduce carefully to give them the best chance - there's good advice on the Cat Chat info page here:

http://www.catchat.org/hierarchies.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I agree that it's a lovely thing you're considering - I wish you all the best.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

Many thanks. Whilst a little nervous or our babies we will give him a go. We aim to pick him up after our holiday if he hasn't been adopted. We ten have 8 weeks at home with him and our cats to adapt. We then have another holiday and they go to a cattery. They will then need to share a pen at the Cattery, so hope 8 weeks is long enough! I will let you know how it goes and is comforting to know so many cat lovers on here have adopted a housefull and manage really well. Thank you all.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Crewella »

Do keep us posted as to how you get on. I warn you, you will probably feel really mean for the first couple of days as your babies adapt to their change of circumstances. I'm just about to go through the same as I bring an ex-stray foster boy into the house from the outdoor pen, in the hope that he'll be able to join the gang. Even though I've been through it all before, and I know it will be worth it and they'll all settle down again quite happily, I'm still not looking forward to it, but I know that I'm probably stressing more about it than they are. You can't help but worry, can you!
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

Thank you. I know how you feel. I will feel happier though knowing that I have rescued the cat I originally went to adopt. I will always have the guilt though that he is still in the cattery 2 years later. good luck.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Crewella »

I absolutely agree, I'd feel the same and I think it's wonderful that you remembered him and are going back for him. Good luck to you too. xx
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by honeychild »

Lovely Thread x
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

We have agreed to pick him up on 22 Sept after our holiday. However my husband has now raised the issue that 8 weeks later we are going on holiday and they will all be required to go into a cattery for 10 days, My husband is concerned that he will then be stressed at having to go into there so soon after coming home after 2 years in a shelter. I thought 8 weeks was sufficient for him to adapt to home life with our cats, My reasoning is that they are all together and it will be nicer conditions. What do other people think please?
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Crewella »

I did see you mention that, but my personal feeling is that, no, it's not ideal ...... but to some degree when will it be as you've got Christmas coming after that, and so on! Whether 8 weeks is long enough will depend on him, and you won't know that until you do it. I've had one cat settle in in a couple of days, and one that was still finding their confidence after several months. This is possibly his one shot at a proper forever home, I'd go ahead.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

Hmm. I am a little concerned though that yes he is fine with other cats, but because he has been the the cattery for over 2 years he almost certainly will not interact with humans so easily. I am concerned we cannot handle him for a few months, which is not disimilar to our little girl cat, although she is a lot easier and when the holiday arrives and they need to go to the cattery we will struggle to get him in. My husband raised this concern, although initially I though 8 weeks would have been OK, now I am not sure.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Kay »

you might find the rescue will be willing to take him back while you're away - not ideal of course but he would be in familiar surroundings with people he knows, and who know him, so better than strangers in a strange place

I would discuss it with them
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

Hi there. I know they won't as they are overrun with cats but the problem I have is not that but if he is nervous with humans then the issue is maybe if he spends a lot of time outside and we struggle to find him when we need to take them to the cattery. Once he is at the cattery he will be fine it is just maiing sure we can get him there safely. I know one of our cats is a nightmare to find when we need to take her anywhere!
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by booktigger »

Personally, with his history and your holiday, I wouldn't let him out till after your holiday.
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Jacks »

Absolutely not - the letting out. I wouldn't let him out anyway until he's really confident with you and sure of his home.

I took in a feral kitten born in a garage roof space in the garden behind us - mother disappeared. She was 4 months and very scared of humans but made a bond with me as her feeder and substitute mum. Vet said she would probably never be confident enough to be let out. After 10 months I thought otherwise - she was happy with both of us, confident and less skitty - after staying in a 'cat hotel' in a nice room with the other two girls for 2 weeks. The human contact had helped and she would even let the young girl who went in to play with the cats pick her up!! The other 'sign' for me was that when I took her to the vet, instead of jumping from the table and trying to find a means to escape the room, she snuggled into my arms and buried her face in the crook of my arm. She was truly our girl.

She now goes in and out with confidence, never strays more than one garden in any direction, and loves her territory. Every cat is different but you have to be careful with cats who are skitty, shy and afraid of people. x
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

I think you are right, it is just upsetting to know that he needs some love and to come home now rather than the end of November which is ages away.
If I keep him in can anyone advise on useful tips on how to keep him in and to allow our other two to come and go as they please? I am obviously going to be keeping him in a room away from the cats initially but think he will need to have the run of the house at some point for a number of weeks but with 2 other cats is difficult. How do others get over this problem please?
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by Kay »

have you considered locking the cat flap during the hours of darkness? the majority of RTAs involving cats occur at night, and keeping them in between dusk and dawn is the single biggest thing you could do to keep them safe, and incidentally keeps the wildlife safer too

once shut the new boy could have a wander outside his room, initially whilst the other two are confined
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Re: Adopting a third cat...concerned

Post by emmab »

We don't really have the need to close the cats in as we are in the deepest country and probably have about 1 car pass our place during the night. During the day it is quiet too.mMy main concern is adjusting 2 cats that are currently going outdoors and one joining us soon who will need to stay in for a few weeks. Also the cats tend to be noisier at night and my husband works shifts so won't rellish cats meowing theough the night because they can't get out.
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