Cat Chat Feline Forum

Hi I adopted a 2 year old rescue cat 2 months ago after my old cat passed away. I am struggling with depression which has been made worse with losing my cat and I cannot cope with the new cat. I was convinced it would help and know now it was too soon to get another one as I'm still grieving. I feel awful but want her to go to a home where she will be loved I don't think I ever will. I thought her being 2 she would settle which she has slightly but she is like a kitten which I didn't want. Can anyone help? I don't want any negative comments just need help for her to go to a forever home with no other animals

Hi, sorry to hear you feel you need to rehome the cat but if you feel sure that’s the best thing then my first suggestion would be to get back in touch with the rescue. If you adopted your cat from a rescue centre then usually the policy is to get go back if things don’t out. The rescue will know the cat and find the best new home for her. If you didn’t get the cat from a rescue centre then the following advice should help:

http://www.catchat.org/rehome.html

Hi again, sorry just realised you have posted before. I would contact the rescue you got your girl from and they should help.

Also this link may be of help to you:
http://www.catchat.org/rainbow.html

Take care.

They said they would only take her back if it was 2 weeks anything after that and they won't. I really don't want her to go to a rescue centre again just a proper home just don't want her missing out on love when I don't think I can really give her what she needs. She seems to love my home I'm not sure I feel like this cause she looks abit like my baby that passed away think I need to sleep on it

Hi, I think you may be right there. You could rehome her then regret it. You could give yourself a bit more time and try to bond with your girl, you may find you become really close through all this. Also, young cats don’t stay young for long. I usually adopt older cats and we found ourselves with a young cat who kept leaving her home and coming to us! I have been trying to rehome her but it’s going to be hard now she’s been here so long. If you do decide to rehome her though I would still get back in touch with the rescue and see what they say. Or ring round other rescues locally and ask them to put her on their list whilst she stays with you (direct rehoming). Not all rescues will do that, but some will. That way she’s not in rescue but with you until a home is found. That is what we’ve done but not many rescues were prepared to do that round here so it can take longer to rehome that way - as I say our girl is still with us, paws firmly under table now!

I've been in your position and adopted a cat too soon after losing one, in my case it took months to bond with her, but I did. I'm surprised the rescue will only give you two weeks

Thank you think I'll definitely give it more time not sure it's cause I didn't give myself time to grieve properly before I got her. She's scratching everything which my other one never did even when she was a kitten just not sure what to do. I think that made me feel this way is I think she has fleas I've looked but can't see anything but every so often she scratches I know I sound really silly just everything is getting on top of me and I can't get into the vets till next week just don't like the thought of fleas in my home as I've never had them. Thanks again

We all get over things like this in different ways, and I really feel for you going through this at the moment. I think you're possibly projecting some of your grief onto the new cat and in a way she's reminding you all the time of your beloved cat that you lost. When you feel like that sometimes the new cat can't win, because they just can't measure up to your feelings for your old cat.

I took on Paddington a few months ago, the day after I lost Greebo whom I found dead in his bed. Paddy was an FIV+ older stray handed in to a vets and on 'death row', and I already foster a couple of older cats for the local rescue, so it was a no-brainer to take him on and probably save his life ...... however I did struggle to bond with him for the first few weeks. I missed Greebo's happy little face, and lovely as Paddington was ...... he just wasn't Greebo, and if I'm honest a part of me resented him slightly just for that.

A few months down the line, of course, I've developed a relationship with Paddington and got to know his little ways, and recently been through some scary health issues with him. He's now very much part of the family, and has burrowed his own little place in my heart - I'm so glad we took him on.

Personally, I think you're likely to get through this and start to build a proper bond with the new cat, and I suspect that you might regret it if you give her up now. You've done a lovely thing in offering her a home in the first place, which is a positive thing to do and something to feel good about. As has been said, give it a little more time.

Just to add, if you do decide you definitely want to give her up, I won't judge you for that - we're all different. Nobody needs that kind of added pressure when they're feeling down. (((hugs)))

I think you are totally right and am possibly being a little hasty thinking like that just miss the old girl so much. I have so much love to give to Kitties and have had them all my life losing Suzie has hit me the hardest I have ever felt for a cat I am biased but she was the best. Thank you think I need to give the newbie a chance as I did with my others

Perhaps if you just think of yourself as her carer for the time being, and don't look for anything deeper - it will come in time, I expect , but if it doesn't she will have a good home, and you will not have any guilt trips, which can be so damaging

Thank you so much to everyone for giving me advice Amy and I am now getting on so well I'm glad I thought about the decision not to give her away.

Aww, that's fantastic news

I know I'm so pleased as I would have always regretted it I love fur babies. She is a handful and is scratching everything she can get her hands on I think cause I had Suzie for so long and was so good I forgot what a terror she was when she was that age thanks again so glad I found this site

Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so glad that you and Amy are starting to form a proper bond. I'm sure Suzie would approve, and it's lovely that Amy is making you remember Suzie in a happier way, at different stages of her life with you.

Thabk you again for your advice it really helped. Just need to get over the hurdle of getting her to the vets she's definitely got fleas I've been checking her and thought she was fine just looked today and I'm sure I saw something which means de fleeing the whole house just hope the vet can give me some advice I've never had this before with only ever having house cats looks like the rescue centre didn't de flea her as they said they would

Hi everyone just need a bit of help I'm taking Amy Saturday for the first time at the vets for all her injections etc. I have bought Indorex for when I get home with her and just wondered how I can de flea the house. Am I ok putting her in one room while I spray everywhere else? How long will I need to leave it before I let her back in the other rooms? Confused as it says different things on all the websites. Can I also spray my furniture with it and the bed/curtains? Im at my wits end with the pesky fleas just hope it will get rid of them

There ought to be instructions on the tin about how long you need to leave a room before letting her into it - these are the instructions to go by. Also, ask your vets, they will probably know.

Or the vet nurses - they must have loads of experience of de-fleaing

Since last reply have had a look on a new tin of Indorex. Only requires cat not to be in room whilst applying spray, but you must make sure the room is well ventilated whilst applying. If in doubt, I would still recommend asking the Vets or (as Kay recommends) a Vet nurse. I expect they will be able to give you advice over the phone.

Thank you for your advice the Indorex won't be delivered from Amazon until Friday just wanted to be well prepared for the day. I'm anxious as it will be the first time at the vets with Amy think I'm panicking how she will react.

I understand your anxiety. I felt the same about taking my old cat Misty to the vet the first time to get his injections done (he was 9 when I got him, very nervous and took a long time to settle in).

Thank you for your advice I'm so glad I found this website think I should know better having cats for over 15 years doesn't get any easier they are so worth it though

Do check at the vets, but from memory I think you need to make sure the spray is dry before letting a cat into the room - I believe a good couple of hours. Good luck on Saturday.

That's what I thought too, Crewella, when I wrote my original reply. But it does not actually say that on the tin. It only refers to soft furnishings needing to be dry before humans handle them (and not using on human bedding). Certainly best to get Vet advice before use.

Thank you Crewella and Alan such a great help have a lovely weekend

Hi I took Amy to the vets after an hour struggling to get her in the carrier. The vet have her a wormer and spot on treatment but couldn't give her vaccinations as they wouldn't have worked with these so I need to take her back in a few days. I indorexed the house and did everything the vet said and allowed her back into the rooms after 2 hours. She hid under the bed at first not sure if it's the smell and the familiar smell she got use to has gone but she is now laying in her litter tray and won't come out or let me stroke her. Is this normal cause she's scared of the vets and the journey? It feels like I'm back to day one it took 2 months for her to come near me and am scared that she is so unhappy again she won't ever come round. Will she still lay there once she's been to the loo? It's clean at the moment but don't want her to be uncomfortable if she does go to the loo bearing in mind the worming tablet will start working soon. Any advice would be appreciated.

I can't believe the vet said they couldn't vaccinate because of giving her flea and worm treatments. She will come round in time, might be an idea to get a Feliway travel spray for next time, might help.

Hi yes I sprayed the Feliway in the carrier last night and this morning didn't do anything. I'm just concerned that she won't ever come round again I don't know the history before she was in the Adoption place and won't ever know she seems worse now than the first day I brought her home.

Also surprised they couldn't do vaccinations at same time as defleaing and worming - mine have always had them all at once. Based on my very limited experience (which is now some 18 years old) of getting the confidence of a nervous cat (Misty) I would suggest letting her be on her own for a while until she has got over the fright. There were times with Misty when I also felt he would never come round, but when he did (after about 3 months I seem to remember) he was a very friendly (although still nervous) cat. However, there are others on here who have a lot more experience of getting the trust of rehomed cats than I have and I am sure they will be along with sound advice.

Memememe wrote:Hi yes I sprayed the Feliway in the carrier last night and this morning didn't do anything. I'm just concerned that she won't ever come round again I don't know the history before she was in the Adoption place and won't ever know she seems worse now than the first day I brought her home.

I adopted a temperamental cat recently, first vet visit, it was easy to get her there but set her back a bit for a week or so. Second visit two months later took two attempts to get her there, first time she hid and was wary of me for most of the evening, tried again two days later and, while there was blood drawn getting her there, she was fine with me after.