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Hello!
I have an adorable 11 months old female named Miinx, who in not yet neutered. She is the most lovable and social kitty I've ever seen. For this reason, I thought it would be nice for her to have a friend to be with whenever I'm gone and I feel so bad leaving her all alone, and since she's so nice, I thought she would be playful and social with a new girl friend too! Well, I was wrong, she doesn't like her at all lol.
Today I rescued a 14 months old female from my local shelter named Mia, who is neutered. I first put the carrier down near my kitty (because I really did think they would get along!) and Miinx just seemed curious and nervous about what was inside, so I slowly opened up the cage so they could meet, and Miinx started hissing right away, following Mia's every move and Hissing non-stop. They didn't have a chance to actually come in contact, because I was afraid Miinx was gonna be agressive, so I separated them and they haven't seen each other since, but whenever I go visit Mia in my bedroom, Miinx hisses and meows at the smell of my hands. She calms down as soon as the smell is gone though, and is totally normal. Mia is also being very cuddly and doesn't act afraid of me or nervous. She doesn't care about the smell of Miinx at all. I'm not worried about her adapting to my place.

Now, the real problem is, I live in a one bedroom apartment, so I only have the living room and kitchen, which are open, the bedroom and the bathroom. I'm keeping Mia in the bedroom alone with food, litter, toys and such, and she doesn't seem bothered by it. Miinx is free in the rest of the place. MY QUESTION IS, When I go to sleep, should I keep Mia in with me and lock Miinx out, or put Mia in the apartment for the night and lock Miinx in with me ?? I dont want Miinx to feel left out, since she usually sleeps in my room every night, and meows at the door whenever I close it. But at the same time, I dont know if they are ready to switch rooms yet. I dont want Mia to feel overwhelmed by the place and the smells everywhere, and Miinx to be overwhelmed by Mia's smell in the room. I want to do what's best for the kitties! I'll even sleep on the couch if you tell me that's what'd be best lol to keep them both in their initial rooms.

Can anyone give me advice? I have looked up basic introduction techniques, and they all mention to keep the cats in their own bonding rooms for a few days, which is difficult in my case. So yeah, any help would be appreciated!!

From a nervous fellow kitty mommy <3

You need to get Miinx neutered as a priority, this will affect her behaviour.

Could you put Mia in your bathroom if you want Miinx in with you at night? I have heard about a tonne of people using the bathroom as their bonding room - I am just going through introductions with my two, Whisky came home on Friday but thankfully with their ages they are the best of friends already BUT they are separated at night.

What we are doing right now is the Whisky is in our bedroom with us at night and Comet has free reign of the house - I was worried that Comet would feel left out too because he sleeps with us at night, every night so I was hesitant to shut him out but he isn't too bothered - as long as he gets plenty of attention before bedtime it's fine. Only reason Whisky is with us at night instead of in the spare room is because he is so small and needs someone with him.

Contact me if you want any advice

But yes I agree with Sarah, Miinx should be neutered ASAP! As that would make the introductions run A LOT smoother.

I see, I'll try to plan the surgery with my vet as soon as possible! The reason I didn't feel like putting Mia in the bathroom is because I felt bad since my bathroom is pretty small! But I guess for the night it could do.

I thought the fact that Mia was neutered would help Miinx feel as thought she's not a threat, but I guess it's not enough haha.

I hope Mia will also start exploring the bedroom on her own soon. I can't say for sure what she does when I'm not there, but whenever I come in, she's either lying down on the window sill, looking a bit anxious, but whenever I start petting her, she rubs her face on me and comes down. She'll explore and act super normal when I'm there with her, but I feel like she gets anxious when she's alone.

Anyhow, I'm sure she'll have no problem adapting from what I can see when I'm with her, I'll just give the girls some time

Other reasons for getting the little one spayed ASAP is each time she comes into season it increases her chances of getting mammary cancer and from a very early age she was and is at risk of getting pyometra a life threatening infection.

Oh alright I'll be a good mommy and get to it then! But to be honest, I haven't even notice her going in heat at all so far, except for a single evening where she was meowing different than usual and continuously. Thought it was gonna last more than a few hours, but no!

On another note, Miinx doesn't seem to care much about Mia's smell anymore. This morning I rubbed a clean sock on the new kitty's face and body, and presented it to Miinx afterwards, and she just smelled it, and did her open mouthed smell thing they do, and that was it! It's making me hopeful, but I dont wanna jump ahead just because there is one good sign She seems interested in the bedroom, and whenever I come out, she's always lying in front of the door waiting for me, with no anger or anxiety. I guess I'll give them a few days still, and then try to feed them both on each side of the door.

I dont want to ruin this anymore! From what I've read about cat intros in general I've already done a few things wrong that could make the process longer ><

Edit: Well nevermind that haha Miinx still hisses at Mia x) I could actually hear her from the other side of the door while Mia was in the bedroom smelling under the door.

Just catching up with this

The most important thing is for intros to be done slowly.

Make sure you keep resident cat and new cat apart for a few weeks.

Start swapping scents (such as bedding) then when resident cat is out of the room introduce new cat.

Then bring new cat into the same room initially in a pen.

Never force the intros.

Do not leave them alone together until you are happy they are ok together.

Stay calm, do not in any way shout at either cat. Disciplining cats can cause anxiety and other problems such as inappropriate urination.

If you have a set back, take it a step back with the intros

Get the resident cat spayed as soon as possible.

Good luck!

How are things going with Miinx and Mia?

As others have said it's important to keep things slow and as calm as possible, but vital that Miinx is spayed ASAP. Queens (fertile females) do not tolerate other females easily. When she was your only cat there was no competition, but Miinx will now see Mia as being a threat to her dominance and her territory. She will need reassurance on the dominance front (love, attention and being he first to be greeted if you've been out) but she will also need to have the mating imperative removed from the equation. There is no good reason not to spay a female unless she is a pure bred pedigree and you are looking for kittens in any case. It is better for their health to be 'fixed' and it makes it much easier to integrate them with other cats.

There are some cats who, regardless of this, do not tolerate another cat in close proximity in their territory, but this is not the norm. Most cats can learn to get along.

Please let us know how things are going.

Things went better for a while, but it seems to be getting a bit worse now, at the moment =/ I do have the apointment set for Next week to get Miinx spayed, so hopefully that does help!

I spent a few days just letting them smell eachother from underneath the door, and when the hissing stopped, cracked it open just a little. From then on, I waited until they had gotten used to eachother's smell, and a few feeding sessions with one on each side of the door, with a little opening. I re-introduced them officially I believe a week or a bit over after I first got Mia. Things actually went well, Mia was jut being curious about everything and Miinx seemed a bit confused and anxious, but curious nonetheless. There were of course a few fights, but nothing major. Some meowing, pawing and hissing, but nothing close to an injury on any side (at least from what I could see!). I kept feeding them together once a day, and they always eat side by side peacefully. I also distract them by playing with them with a feather toy or a laser pointer, and they both chase is or take turns

However, since a few days ago, Miinx has started to get more agressive with Mia. Before, there was a longer period where she would sniff Mia, follow her from a certain distance or survey her before she started chasing her/trying to mount and bite her slightly, but now it seems it just takes a few seconds to get her going =/

I had gotten to a point where I would just let Mia in with us when I was around and almost only separate them if I was going away or at night. Miinx would chase Mia under either of my 2 couches and Mia would pretty much stay there until she got bored or something I guess (because she would come out on her own from time to time), and Miinx would just ignore her if she wasn't in her sight. I even caught Mia taking a nap under there, all stretched out She will always come out if I call her though, even if Miinx was there.

However, I was told after that it would be a good idea to block off the areas where Mia could get cornered (like under the couches) so Miinx could paw at her and annoy her in a place she couldn't get out of, and also a website with good sources said that cats dont just resolve things by fighting and that discipline should be given. So I started spraying Miinx when she would start to annoy Mia or start chasing her, and if she didn't stop, I would grab her (nicely ) and pin her down by the back of the neck and say No. I didn't really think it was a great idea, because I felt like it was just pissing her off even more, and also getting her **** at me also. I think that was a mistake because now she will just get right to Mia when I let them meet, mount her, bite her neck and they start rolling around until Mia gets away, and then it's the chase! Mia always acts nice towards Miinx until she gets aggressive with her. Whenever I open the door, the first thing she does is rub on Miinx! But of course if she gets attacked, she's gonna try to defend herself.

I'm getting her Spayed in just 2 days, so hopefully it helps a lot, but I'm still kinda confused now as to what I should do next .. should I put everything back to normal and let Mia hide with us, so they could at least get used to sharing the same space for longer periods of time? Should I keep spraying with water and disciplining a little bit when they start fighting? Should I just let them fight it out for a little bit and only do something if it's actually getting really violent? Should I go back to just door meetings until they stop pawing at eachother through the opening? (they do just a bit and it's silent, they're mostly just trying to push the door open lol). In feel like they're both curious about eachother, and they could totally co-exist since they have acted friendly with eachother before, I just don't really know why Miinx has gotten more agressive lately.

I know it was a mistake to pin her down, and I wont do it again, I just hope I didn't ruin my chances of having a nice two cat family! If there's any other detail you would like to know in order to help me I'd be happy to share, I'll take as much advice as I can get! And both cats are doing amazing on their own btw. Mia is really starting to bond with me, and Miinx is just as awesome as she always was.

I could talk about them for hours! so just let me know what I should do next Thank you everyone who took the time to read all that! Haha pheww!

ALSO I do try to priorize Miinx when I'm with her, but I'm afraid if I do it too much it's just gonna encourage her to take over Mia, showing her she's more powerful and that she can put the new girl through whatever she wants. I want Miinx to know that Mia is a friend and should be treated nicely. But Maybe I just see it too much in a human way

I really think you should try to keep the peace by feeding closely (if that is generally peaceable) but otherwise keeping them apart until Miinx is spayed. Ask the vet how soon she will will start to lose the effects of the female hormones. As she is sexually mature at 11 months (unlike a tiny kitten) I do think she is seeing Mia as competition and for all you know could have come into heat, which would possibly explain the increased aggression.

It must be very difficult in a one bedroom apartment, but please hang in there and try to keep calm yourself. Two days is not long to wait and I would keep Miinx quiet and separate for a while when she comes home. Do ask your vet for advice and have a chat with the vet nurses.

Yes Miinx actually did come into heat reacently, but it only lasted like, a day and a half, so I figured it was all over by now! That makes me feel a little bit better, as I thought it was ME who had made her more aggressive by my actions =/

And I actually thought Miinx could be able to smell or at least tell in some kind of way that Mia was spayed, and that she was therefore no competition at all I guess it doesn't work that way afterall!

Mostly I feel bad for Mia, because she really wants to come out, and she wants to see Miinx! but the welcome is never warm, poor cutiepie!

Little update, and I'd GREATLY appreciate help!
Mia is becoming a lot more open and confident. She was being super playful in the bedroom so I figured I let her out, since Miinx is usually the active one and Mia seems annoyed by her. So I let her out, and SHE was the one who jumped on Miinx! They seemed to be play fighting for a while, so I was happy. They were rolling around, jumping on each other, swatting, kicking.. Their ears were a little bit back, but there was no noise at all, and none of them were fleeing the battle. But then, I think Miinx got a bit too rough or agressive with Mia, because she decided she had enough and headed for under the couch, and Miinx grabbed her before she could make it, like she didn't want to let her end the "fight". Mia meowed and tried to get Miinx off of her, and desperately tried to hide under the couch. I put Miinx away and Mia came out right away, but then Miinx was acting a bit agressively towards me while I was holding Mia, like she was fixating on her and all she was thinking about was to attack Mia.

I'm not sure how to discipline Miinx when she acts like that .. The squirt bottle works, but she gets right back to it, and it scares Mia.

Is it a good thing the way they were playing/fighting ?

Actually it doesn't sound like a very happy altercation, to be honest, and I think just releasing them in front of each other, without any distraction, is not helping - it sounds like they treat each other as 'known enemies'. I would suggest you get some 'active play' toys - like daBird, even a string on the end of a stick - then get one of them playing with it - pretty quickly. Once one is playing, try giving the other a 'turn' - even get someone else to help you with another dangly toy.

The idea would be to let them let of energy and steam in close proximity but in proper PLAY - so to gradually associate playing with being together - not fighting.

Yes that is what I have been doing. I play with them with a Feather toy on a stick. It's the favourite toy of both of them

Mia plays with it more than Miinx when they're together. She will not stop chasing it, and really looks like she enjoying herself, rolling around and everything! Miinx seems a bit more focused on Mia and I have to try harder to get her to play (also because Mia will run up right to her face to steal the toy when I try to engage Miinx lol).

I'm gonna do that every meeting until I (hopefully!) notice some improvement. The only problem is if I let Mia play with it too long without getting Miinx's interest, Miinx will jump at her butt from time to time. It does look kinda playful, but after a few times, I can notice their attitude becomes more negative and angry.

I'll try to do shorter meetings and end it before it turns bad, so they can both have a nice, positive ending to their activity.