Rehomed cat doesn’t interact with us

[SergeiTheCat]

We have rehomed male cat (4 yrs old) a month ago. He wasn’t affectionate to start with, but he was comfortable in our company, would stay in the same room etc. Things have deteriorated since then - he is spending most of his time under our bed well tucked away. He is very gentle cat, not at all nasty - he never scratched us or screeched at us etc. He just ignores us....That’s it... he asks for food nicely, but keeps distance. Eats his food, walks around the house, checks the corners etc, spends 5-10 mins on the windowsill and then straight under the bed. Comes out bit later to get more food, then the same scenario again... same in the evening. At night, he likes sleeping on our bed - but right at our feet only,- not closer. He doesn’t like to be picked up, he never ask for cuddles, he doesn’t come on our lap, he let us stroke him when he is lying down, but he doesn’t seek us at all, he isn’t looking for interaction from us. The relationship is getting more and more frustrating as he is really lovely and well-behaved cat - but, almost like an old man in young cat’s body. He feels more like an ornament. Kids were super excited when we took him home from the rehoming place, but now they have lost interests as he isn’t interested in them whatsoever. What shall we do?

[Mollycat]

I read all through your post thinking this is strange for a cat to start ok and become more distant and start to hide, but then the last bit got my attention. If the children were super excited maybe that was too much for him too soon before he had a chance to settle in?

Best thing I can suggest is to give him his space, don't try to approach him, be calm and quiet around him. Maybe when the children go to bed at first, see if he will play with a toy on the end of a piece of string without insisting but just have it there moving slightly without paying any attention to him, see if his hunting instinct wakes up and he finds this irresistible when the house is quiet. Maybe patience and quiet to help him settle and eventually he will trust you and look for interaction. But do talk to him softly, maybe sit in the room where he hides and read out loud to him without looking at him, this can be reassuring for him that you are friendly.

Do you know his background? Maybe he is a cat that doesn't like children and is used to a very quiet home. Even if your children are gentle with him, if he came from a home with loud rough children it might take him more time.

[SergeiTheCat]

Thank you, MollyCat this is our first cat and we did research and prepared the kids ahead - kids were excited - in the sense they were trying in nice manner to offer him toys, try to show him love, offer strokes if& when he wanted them. I kept telling them to give a cat space and listen to the body language and they did ( they are 13 and 11 1/2), so not so little). But, Sergie is just not interested. He tolerates me as I mean “food”, I guess....
When we registered with The Rescue Home, we very clearly specified that we would like a family cat that is social as we are family of 4 and we all equally want to be around him. But, he is living his solitary life near us rather than with us.... I have contacted The Rescue Home and explained what is happening, they re-read their original admission notes (we were originally picked up as “the right much” as the cat apparently liked children, was affectionate, sat on people’s laps etc) and it turned out that there was a bit of misunderstanding of the notes, that the cat was kept for 18 months together with 4 other cats in the flat until their landlord found out about it. I really wonder what kind/ level of care he was given, as Sergei had no vaccination record (Battersea gave him the first shot), possibly also no flea & worming treatments (?), he was so badly matted, that the Rescue Home vet had to shave off half his right side. So, the grooming wasn’t also done regularly, I guess, in the previous home. The Rescue Home realised that perhaps the notes from the owner might have not been very accurate as there were so many cats together and the owners possibly might have described the behaviour of the whole bunch rather than of a single (our) cat as such. We are in touch with the Rescue Home and monitoring the behaviour, but it is so sad and it kind of leaves me frustrated as I don’t think we have been the right match for this cat. The whole point of us using the Rescue was that, although of course they can’t guarantee that we all would necessarily get on, they would try to match the right cats with the possible owners and their circumstances & needs. I guess, what we are facing right now - is the question: keep trying or take him back? I feel absolutely terrible.... I never thought this could have happened and we are really trying to give him loving home, I just don’t think he cares. Sorry about my rant...

[Kay]

you could be describing my cat, Penny, as she was for the first 6 months with me - she was a rescue cat, and I was told she liked to go out, would use a cat flap and loved chicken - all of which proved to be untrue

she spent her first 6 months on top of my wardrobe, although quite willing to be petted if I approached her - what made the difference was buying a cat bed on top of a scratcher, which was on the same level as my armchair - she took to it right away and now she is my companion, loving to be fussed, though doesn't sit on my lap

a month isn't long at all for a rescue cat with a neglected background to make himself at home, especially one who had one human and 4 feline companions, and now has 4 humans and no other cats - but you sound to me as if you will, given time, prove to be just the right home for him

apart from Mollycat's suggestions, I would suggest you shut him out of your bedroom during the evenings, and the children's when they are not in them, so he is forced to share your space - if you don't give it a couple more months you may well feel very guilty, and may well, too, miss out on the loving companion he might well become

[Mollycat]

Some cats do show a very different character in a different home or environment. The rescue isn't always to blame for mismatching. A shelter is a very artificial environment with lots of other cats around and strangers, an impossible situation to do a proper assessment on an animal that has just been pulled from what they called home = regardless of how bad that situation was - into an unfamiliar place. They get used to that and then get uprooted again into another strange place with strange people, plus it's a much larger space than a shelter pen and it can take a while to adjust even for a confident and loving cat.

Sergei has never been alone, there have always been other cats around. It will take time for him to realise he is safe and this isn't another cat's territory. My guess is the sniffing in corners and restlessness is probably part exploring and part checking every inch of his new territory for any sign of other cats that might want to fight him for it. Let him keep sniffing, eventually he will realise it's all his, he doesn't have to share or fight for his boundary. Patience and respect for Sergei's issues will almost certainly be rewarded.

One more thing. He lets you stroke him when he is lying down but doesn't seek your attention. Try not to stroke him at all and give him a chance to choose that he wants to be stroked. Let him come to you, be patient. The more you go to him when YOU want, the less chance he has of understanding that he has choices, that he can come to you when he wants and will be left alone when he wants. If you go to him when he just wants to lie down in the same room as you, and you go and touch him, then he will learn that the only place he can be left alone and not touched is deep under your bed out of reach. That might be why he has taken a step backwards.