Just a bit of advice :-)

Queries and discussions about cat rescue & rehoming
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Jinx2019
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Just a bit of advice :-)

Post by Jinx2019 »

Hi everyone

I am new to this forum and just wanted a bit of advice. We sadly lost our cat in October 2019 after 13 and a half years. She was a lovely cat, temperamental at times and feisty but she loved cuddles and was a lap cat, we had her from a kitten

Just before Christmas we rehomed a rescue cat, Poppy. She’s just turned 2 and has been with us for about 7 weeks now. She’s settled in well enough. She’s eating well, drinking well and is now going out a bit more each day.

She’s affectionate as in she likes to be stroked etc and some mornings she will jump on the bed and give kisses and headbutts (sometimes for food sometimes not) but she won’t sit on my lap and she’s not keen on sitting next to us either

She’s started sitting right at the other end of the sofa or sleeping right at the end of the bed but she won’t get any closer. If I move to sit near her she seems ok with it and doesn’t move etc

Do I just need to be more patient with her and hope that this changes in time? I don’t really know much about her background so it’s hard to know what she’s been through although I know the foster mum who had her for 5 months and she said she was quite affectionate but not a lap cat

I just wondered if anyone had any similar stories that they could share?

Thank you 😊
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Mollycat
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Re: Just a bit of advice :-)

Post by Mollycat »

Hello and welcome. It's always a lot of adjusting when a long time companion leaves us and a new friend comes to join us, everything is new and we can't help but be concerned when things are different.

As the owner of a rescue cat myself of 8 years next May since she was 6 years old, my lap has been sat on 3 times in those 8 years and a handful of times she has sat next to me on the sofa. It's just not her, she doesn't feel comfortable on a lap or on the seat of a sofa for that matter. She has her own armchair, a tower and a radiator bed. Nobody is allowed to touch her on her tower and I have a scar under my eye to remind me of this fact. I can give her a stroke or two when she is more or less anywhere, but on her radiator bed and on the end of my bed we can have a cuddle, where I get down to her level and can put my arm around her, rub her neck and chin and stroke her. This system has been refined and she is much more comfortable with all of it over the years but essentially it's much the same as it was 7 years ago once she felt able to let me touch her at all. On the other hand when she's in the right mood I am allowed to kiss her tummy and touch her paws and pads, and recently I have been allowed to pick dried goo out of the corners of her eyes. Our cuddles are so loving and she has the deepest warmest purr, I know she loves me and trusts me. But laps, oh no.

Don't worry. maybe one day she will, maybe she never will, but clearly Poppy is settling with you and gradually becoming more comfortable. It's still very early days but whether she ever does or not, call it patience if you like, I prefer to call it acceptance. Let go of all ambitions for her except to make her happy, whatever that means, and be happy for her at every step she makes in trusting and loving you, no matter how she feels able to show it.
Jinx2019
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Re: Just a bit of advice :-)

Post by Jinx2019 »

Hi Mollycat

Thank you for your lovely message, it’s much appreciated

I think you are right. Like you say Poppy may never be a lap cat or a cuddly cat, as long as she is happy that’s what counts

She is very affectionate in her own way and seems to have settled well

When she first started going out she hated it when we shut the door. I wonder if she was shut outside for a long period of time before she went to the rescue centre as I think she had been abandoned when her owner moved away. She was pregnant too bless her 🙁 However I made sure that every time she wanted to come in I opened the door straight away. It’s only taken a few weeks but already she’s so much happier to go out with me closing the door, she’s even going off for a bit longer each day (although I think she’s staying fairly near by)

Thank you for the advice. It sounds like your cat loves your time together 😊
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Mollycat
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Re: Just a bit of advice :-)

Post by Mollycat »

Does or will Poppy have access to come in any time she wants/needs to? Like a cat flap or something? Not so important for the freedom to go out but definitely recommended so they are never blocked from accessing their safe space, the epicentre of their territory. Can also be vital if they ever need to run from danger or a fight.
Jinx2019
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Re: Just a bit of advice :-)

Post by Jinx2019 »

To be honest we don’t have a cat flap. We didn’t with our previous cat either, as there are lots of cats in the neighbourhood and people nearby have had issues with other cats getting in to the house, even with the ones where they have a collar etc

I work from home (in the dining room) so I can see her as soon as she is at the door and we keep her in at night

We may consider one in the future if we feel we need to but we don’t at the moment
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