my cat died today, it was my fault

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tilly
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my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

he was always there for me but its my fault that he is not with me now. how do i deal with it.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JulieandBarney »

Oh Tilly,

Why was it your fault ?...I doubt it was, you sound like you are so upset, we are here to listen, we have all lost one of ours at some time.......xx
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

Your cat looks so much like my Tilly in that picture...... I let him down, i tried to protect him but he got ran over because i startled him, but i was trying to stop my sons dog from barking and tilly ran into the road, he had never been near the road before, he was 14, he had always stayed in my garden.
I let him down, he would never of ran if the dog hadn't been there and i hadn't tried to stop him barking.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JulieandBarney »

It was not your fault at all...Tilly would probably have ran out in any case, you didn't startle her, she just decided to run away .....please don't blame yourself, we have all been there...I blamed myself for not taking my last boy 'CC' to the vets earlier, when I noticed he was eating strangely and dropping his food...weeks later he had to be put to sleep, he had cancer of the tongue and mouth...I too thought like you, 'if only I had took him earlier....' and I felt a terrible guilt....but the truth of it was, I could have done absolutely nothing to stop the inevitable, but it hurt like hell, so I understand your grief and guilt, but it is misplaced, you gave Tilly a lovely life and obviously cared dearly for her....play at the Bridge Tilly with my lovely boy and all our others ready to greet her....xx
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

JulieandBarney wrote:It was not your fault at all...Tilly would probably have ran out in any case, you didn't startle her, she just decided to run away .....please don't blame yourself, we have all been there...I blamed myself for not taking my last boy 'CC' to the vets earlier, when I noticed he was eating strangely and dropping his food...weeks later he had to be put to sleep, he had cancer of the tongue and mouth...I too thought like you, 'if only I had took him earlier....' and I felt a terrible guilt....but the truth of it was, I could have done absolutely nothing to stop the inevitable, but it hurt like hell, so I understand your grief and guilt, but it is misplaced, you gave Tilly a lovely life and obviously cared dearly for her....play at the Bridge Tilly with my lovely boy and all our others ready to greet her....xx
i understand what you are saying and im sorry for your loss too and thank you for replying but if i hadnt acted the way i did he would of still been with me. i thought my approach with the puppy would help my cat not to be fearful of her but it didnt work. My cat was everything to me, always there and i let him down...... i thought it was a girl when i got him, thats why his name is tilly. Im now left with this puppy who doesnt understand why im so sad, its not her fault but i just want my cat back because he has helped me through a lot.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JulieandBarney »

I truly understand what you mean and you must be heartbroken...but none of us know 'what might have happened.."....you are torturing yourself with the 'might have happened' please don't do this, everything you did was in Tillys best interests, it was just an accident, no one is to blame, please , you are hurt and are grieving and believe me, I know...though as you say with my boy, CC, it was not an accident..I still beat myself up with the same thoughts...I had noticed for weeks he was eating oddly etc...every day I thought "I should have took him sooner, it was my fault, I killed him, he would have been here now if it had been treated earlier..." it goes on....so I do know the sheer pain and mental torture of theses feelings......it took me all my effort not try digging him up again after we just burried him in the garden, such was my grief, it tore me apart...my story was on here just over a year ago...and believe me it reads very similar to yours with regard to the awful guilt I felt that I had let my lovely boy down.....the lovely people on here helped me so much...I found it hard to even function when it first happened.....please don't do this to yourself....you gave Tilly a lovely life, please remember that, don't let this taint her memory.....always here to listen, just let it all out and talk.....xx
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

JulieandBarney wrote:I truly understand what you mean and you must be heartbroken...but none of us know 'what might have happened.."....you are torturing yourself with the 'might have happened' please don't do this, everything you did was in Tillys best interests, it was just an accident, no one is to blame, please , you are hurt and are grieving and believe me, I know...though as you say with my boy, CC, it was not an accident..I still beat myself up with the same thoughts...I had noticed for weeks he was eating oddly etc...every day I thought "I should have took him sooner, it was my fault, I killed him, he would have been here now if it had been treated earlier..." it goes on....so I do know the sheer pain and mental torture of theses feelings......it took me all my effort not try digging him up again after we just burried him in the garden, such was my grief, it tore me apart...my story was on here just over a year ago...and believe me it reads very similar to yours with regard to the awful guilt I felt that I had let my lovely boy down.....the lovely people on here helped me so much...I found it hard to even function when it first happened.....please don't do this to yourself....you gave Tilly a lovely life, please remember that, don't let this taint her memory.....always here to listen, just let it all out and talk.....xx
Last edited by tilly on Sun Mar 01, 2015 6:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JulieandBarney »

I truly understand...my 'CC' was only about 7 years old when we had him put to sleep, far too young...he too meant everything to me, I have no children, but he was my special boy, we went through so much together, I rescued him from the street when he was thin and hungry and tired, God knows what he went through, poor soul, he was there for me when I broke my heart at my Father being diagnosed with advanced dementia, I sobbed into his fur more times that I can remember, he used to wait for me to come home and he knew every time I was upset or ill, he was my little boy and I worshipped him. i feel guilty that the first vet I took him too was so rough with him, he was very stressed and I eventually told her to give him back, she was totally useless and it upset me to think that I had put him through that...changing vets, we took him to another who took one look at him and said "Oh dear, this is not good.." that was before he had been taken from his carrying tray....I thought I would collapse on the floor at his words, as soon as he gently opened his mouth, he told us to put him back in his carrier as there was an inoperable tumour on his tongue which was already advanced, he offered us palliative care to ease any symptoms....that was Thursday......I regret every minute of the day afterwards not asking the vet to let him go at that point, we took him home in floods of tears...he became poorly on the Saturday and I felt so guilty at just wantin another few days with him, I made the heartbreaking decison to take him on his final journey on the Tuesday, just before we took him, he seemed to rally round and sat on my lap purring. my husband sat with his head in his hands sobbing.......that had to be the worst day of my life, I felt like I was murdering him, the guilt was horrific.......it took a long time to even try to come to terms with it, there were many times that I thought I never would
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by PeanutsFriend »

That loss was so sudden for you. Like she was yanked from your arms. My sister has one those animal distorying roads by her house too. I can't pretend to know what went on in Tilly's mind at the time. But I do know she doesn't blame you or mad at you. The guilt of you making this mistake will eat you alive. Learn to forgive yourself. It was an accident, an oops. Unfortunately. To air is human...
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by Walesgang »

I am sorry for your loss.

I understand why you may think it's your fault, but it truly isn't.

I have lost two cats to the road over the years, and each time my mind played over and over again what I could have done to prevent it. There is no way you could have seen what would happen. As you say, Tilly never usually left the garden. Why would you think anything different today?

You did your best for Tilly, who had a loving home.

Please don't blame yourself.

RIP Tilly xx
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

JulieandBarney wrote:I truly understand...my 'CC' was only about 7 years old when we had him put to sleep, far too young...he too meant everything to me, I have no children, but he was my special boy, we went through so much together, I rescued him from the street when he was thin and hungry and tired, God knows what he went through, poor soul, he was there for me when I broke my heart at my Father being diagnosed with advanced dementia, I sobbed into his fur more times that I can remember, he used to wait for me to come home and he knew every time I was upset or ill, he was my little boy and I worshipped him. i feel guilty that the first vet I took him too was so rough with him, he was very stressed and I eventually told her to give him back, she was totally useless and it upset me to think that I had put him through that...changing vets, we took him to another who took one look at him and said "Oh dear, this is not good.." that was before he had been taken from his carrying tray....I thought I would collapse on the floor at his words, as soon as he gently opened his mouth, he told us to put him back in his carrier as there was an inoperable tumour on his tongue which was already advanced, he offered us palliative care to ease any symptoms....that was Thursday......I regret every minute of the day afterwards not asking the vet to let him go at that point, we took him home in floods of tears...he became poorly
on the Saturday and I felt so guilty at just wantin another few days with him, I made the heartbreaking decison to take him on his final journey on the Tuesday, just before we took him, he seemed to rally round and sat on my lap purring. my husband sat with his head in his hands sobbing.......that had to be the worst day of my life, I felt like I was murdering him, the guilt was horrific.......it took a long time to even try to come to terms with it, there were many times that I thought I never would
Last edited by tilly on Sun Mar 01, 2015 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

thank you Walesgang and peanuts friend for your replies, why i feel so guilty is because i scared my cat trying to stop the puppy barking, thats what caused him to suddenly run across the road, i thought i was helping tilly but as you can see i made things worse.
im now with this puppy who needs me, she knows something wrong and im trying my hardest not to make her feel bad.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JacquiA »

Who knows what cats will do in any situation - they constantly surprise us.... I know how hard it must be but please do not feel it was your fault. Tilly would have run out for any number of reasons - you have already said the dog was barking and you were trying to stop her from barking ... there were any number of things going on that made him run. Another time he probably would have just ignored it all. I am so sorry for your loss but it sounds like Tilly had a wonderful life with you and will be happily playing at Rainbow Bridge now. I have a Tilly-cat too (mine is a little girl) and we are sending hugs to you x
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by Hazel »

Hi, hope you are ok and starting to see how that this wasn't your fault it was just one of those things. It's so hard loosing a pet and even when it's through old age or ill health there will always be something we beat ourselves up over that we could have done differently.
It was a terrible accident but it really was an accident, I know you said you made him run, but you didn't make him run onto the road and you didn't make the car come along at the wrong time or the driver not see him or not be able to stop. Poor puppy too, he was probably just excited and won't know what has happened.

So sorry for your loss.
Hazel x
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

JacquiA wrote: I have a Tilly-cat too (mine is a little girl) and we are sending hugs to you x
I thought my Tilly was a girl, his bits looked different to his siblings when i choose him, but then one day i realised that he wasnt the female i had planned on getting after all. im glad i chose him though, he was so special. Thankyou.X
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

Hazel wrote:Hi, hope you are ok and starting to see how that this wasn't your fault it was just one of those things. It's so hard loosing a pet and even when it's through old age or ill health there will always be something we beat ourselves up over that we could have done differently.
It was a terrible accident but it really was an accident, I know you said you made him run, but you didn't make him run onto the road and you didn't make the car come along at the wrong time or the driver not see him or not be able to stop. Poor puppy too, he was probably just excited and won't know what has happened.

So sorry for your loss.
Hazel x
Thanks Hazel....I miss him so much, he was a special thing that was always there for me when nobody else was there to listen. Everyone said that we had such a bond. He was so loyal and special. I need one of this hugs. X
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JacquiA »

People who haven't had cats do not understand how special the bond is ... your little Tilly will always be with you - that bond is too strong to break and he can give you a hug whenever you want - just remember how special he was and he will be with you xx
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

JacquiA wrote:People who haven't had cats do not understand how special the bond is ... your little Tilly will always be with you - that bond is too strong to break and he can give you a hug whenever you want - just remember how special he was and he will be with you xx
Thankyou, i just feel so guilty for letting him down when he needed me the most, he would never of done that to me. I have this image of him dragging himself up the path to get back to me and it haunts me, he must of been so scared. X
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by JacquiA »

You didn't let him down hun, and he never would have thought that .... I understand how hard this is for you but please, please do not ever think you let him down - he was your special boy and he would never think you had let him down. It was purely circumstances and a total accident. You need time to grieve and you should have that time - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Thoughts are with you x
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

JacquiA wrote:You didn't let him down hun, and he never would have thought that .... I understand how hard this is for you but please, please do not ever think you let him down - he was your special boy and he would never think you had let him down. It was purely circumstances and a total accident. You need time to grieve and you should have that time - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Thoughts are with you x
Thank you so much. XXX
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by SarahT1 [PLLE] »

Hugs to you. I am so sorry. Your boy will be in your heart for ever. XX
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by Topcat10 »

My heart aches for you. Only a true cat lover who has experienced a similar tragedy can share your deep sorrow!!!!
Many years ago I had a beautiful old loving cat,she was an integral part of my life for 17 years. In times of personal tragedies in my life she was always there for me. In the end there was just myself and "E R" living in a nice home.

When you said that the loss of Tilly was your fault.....( believe me it wasn't!!!) I know exactly how you feel.
When an old friend became homeless he asked if I could put him up for a few days and I agreed. On the third morning of his stay I got up at my usual time in the morning, there was no sign of E R. No usual unfailing greeting and distinct meow. No purrs in expectation of breakfast.

I looked out of the window and saw old faithful, she was lying on her side and looked asleep. I went out to bring her in, I called her name but no response, I touched her and it was obvious that she was dead. There was a tiny drop of blood on her neck.I then realised that she'd been shot with an air rifle. (Neighbours had one.)

Apparently my pal who I had allowed to stay for a few days had let ER out before he went to work early morning.
I kept thinking that had I made excuses and said no to him staying for those few days my little cat wouldn't have been outdoors at that fateful time, and wouldn't have suffered that horrible end that she didn't deserve.

So when I say that I know just how you feel when you said it was your fault, I really do!!
But the truth is that you and I were not to blame. We gave our feline friends our love and kindness and did what we did at the time because we felt it was RIGHT.

ER would not blame me just as Tilly does not blame you!!!!!!!!!!! R I P Beautiful Tilly, give my love to E R.
T Cs Dad.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by Crewella »

I've only just caught up with this, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can imagine how you feel, many years ago our cat, Giddy, was hit by a car. We'd gone out to call her in for her dinner, not realising she was on the other side of the road. We could only watch in horror as she started to run towards us, right into the path of a car speeding up the road. She did survive, though badly injured, but that 'thump' is forever etched into my brain.

'Fault' is a pretty useless word at times like this. I know you must be going through all sorts of different scenarios in your head, just wishing one factor could have been different, but your split-second decision at the time really was just one of many factors and it could just as easily had a different outcome.

A lifetime of love and care really does count for something, he was a lucky boy to have lived to a decent age being so loved by you. I know how much you must be hurting, but please don't beat yourself up over what might have been. He was much loved and cared for and he would have been secure and happy in that knowledge. That counts for more than anything. (((hugs)))
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

Thanks for the replies, i needed them this morning.
I think its been so stressful these last 5 months having this puppy here, it was harder than i thought, i did everything i could to help Tilly adjust and things were going ok.
I thought long and hard before i allowed my son to get the dog he had always wanted, i felt torn so i completely changed my house around so the cat had his own space if he needed it. I was so proud of the way he was really beginning to accept the pup....because he trusted me, he knew i was always there to help him in difficult situations with her when she was having her puppy moments.
Problem is is that now i have to look at this pup daily and be reminded of what happened and thats not fair on her.
Im so sorry for you loss Topcat.... i love the name E R and can imagine calling her in... I suppose even though we know our pets will die, you want it to be in a less traumatic way, thats what hurts me the most i think.
He was there for me, he helped me though so much and im just feeling a bit angry with the world for taking him away from me. X
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by Cussypat1974 »

This post made me well up.
I have lost a LOT of cats..... To old age, illness, genetics, dog attacks, maggots, slurry pits, and roads. The very WORST is when it is sudden and unexpected. I remember once returning home after a walk with my (now) husband and the dogs, to see Minnie run across the road to us, right in front of a car. The whole thing was in slow motion, I screamed and covered my eyes. Minnie made it (not sure how, but she did, thankfully).
This was not your fault. It was a very unfortunate accident. It was not the puppy's fault either, but you know that eh? You are grieving, and that will take time. Life is full of 'if only's.
You gave Tilly a great life, and now you have a puppy to give a great life to. I have no doubt that you will. When Tilly died you were busy trying to do the right thing.......

Please don't be too hard on yourself. None of us can predict the future, and all we can do is our best in any given moment. Xxxxx
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

Cussypat1974 wrote:This post made me well up.
I have lost a LOT of cats..... To old age, illness, genetics, dog attacks, maggots, slurry pits, and roads. The very WORST is when it is sudden and unexpected. I remember once returning home after a walk with my (now) husband and the dogs, to see Minnie run across the road to us, right in front of a car. The whole thing was in slow motion, I screamed and covered my eyes. Minnie made it (not sure how, but she did, thankfully).
This was not your fault. It was a very unfortunate accident. It was not the puppy's fault either, but you know that eh? You are grieving, and that will take time. Life is full of 'if only's.
You gave Tilly a great life, and now you have a puppy to give a great life to. I have no doubt that you will. When Tilly died you were busy trying to do the right thing.......

Please don't be too hard on yourself. None of us can predict the future, and all we can do is our best in any given moment. Xxxxx
Thank-you, I will give this puppy a great life, i believe if you get an animal then you give them the best you can and i will do that for her, its just hard at the moment but my son understands and is giving her all she needs for now. I feel up and down at the moment.
The problem is animals take over my house when i get them, im too soft. My rabbit that i had before Tilly didnt like living in the garden, he decided that he much preferred having the run of the house and sleeping on my pillow. My son says that we should stick with fish.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by bobbys girl »

tilly wrote: My son says that we should stick with fish.
I must admit there are occasions where I have threatened to trade my lot in for a goldfish. But they know I don't mean it (well not always). With all the mess, chaos, cost and sometimes heart-break we are all 'under the paw' - and would we want it any other way?
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

bobbys girl wrote:
tilly wrote: My son says that we should stick with fish.
I must admit there are occasions where I have threatened to trade my lot in for a goldfish. But they know I don't mean it (well not always). With all the mess, chaos, cost and sometimes heart-break we are all 'under the paw' - and would we want it any other way?
I do have fish. i remember when i first got them one decided to jump out the tank, i was devastated that i didnt find it before it had dried up. Another one had all its fins eaten by the other fish, he spent all his time on the bottom of the tank but was like a torpedo when i put the food in to get to the top to eat, i eventually decided to put him out of his misery but wanted to do it in a human way, the internet said to put them in diluted clove oil to sedate them, so thats what i did.
Ive hardened up with the fish now, they just go down the toilet.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by Cussypat1974 »

You don't flush them alive do you?!?
My Dad has rescued fish. The big catfish ones that suck algae and clean the tank for you. Some guy was planning to just let their tank dry up and let them suffocate slowly...... So my Dad took them. Then a few years later he had an awful problem finding homes for some of them, as they grow (naturally!) and finding good homes for fish is possibly even harder than for cats!
We live in a crazy crazy world...... Taking animals out of their natural habitats to load ourselves with problems eh? When my dad dies I will inherit his rescued fish and lord knows what I will do then!
I hope you are doing ok Tilly. I lost another little lad this week, natural causes. It is never easy, but it is so so so much harder when it isn't natural causes or unexpected. I knew my little man could drop any second as he had a bad heart. I just didn't expect it this week. He was in fine form.
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Re: my cat died today, it was my fault

Post by tilly »

Cussypat1974 wrote:You don't flush them alive do you?!?
no cussypat, i would never do that, i make sure that they are defiantly gone before i flush. I think im just getting used to the fish dying on me, some ive had for years but other die within a week.
Im sorry to hear about your loss, its a shock even if it is expected.

Im doing a bit better now, thanks for asking. I got Tilly's ashes back today so its good to have him home.X
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