Im absolutely heart broken

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mmarsh
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Im absolutely heart broken

Post by mmarsh » Sat Oct 27, 2018 7:18 pm

In June we lost our Mittens, she was just over 6 years old, she had never been poorly and that day she had shown no signs of ill health, one min she was there and the next she had gone :( this Wednesday, well i should say Thurs really because it was 1am i was sitting with her brother Jack, such a sweet tempered little boy who loved his cuddles, we got them both together as they were the last of the litter, i moved to go into the kitchen and Jack got down from the side to come with me, then next thing he collapsed onto his side mouth open, im there stroking him and calling his name, i think i even shook him a little, no idea how long i was doing this to him but the next thing he blinks his eyes and is back, im on the phone to the vet, i took him in and it was decided he should stay in so they could run some tests and keep an eye on him, long story short yes it was his heart, they scanned him and drained some fluid from around his heart and the plan was for him to have medication three times a day and regular check ups, which was fine as long as we had him giving him pills was not a problem, i got him from the vets yesterday evening and some time after 5 this morning he fell asleep for the last time and went to play with his sister, thinking about it now it seems that they both might have had the same heart problem.

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Kay
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Kay » Sat Oct 27, 2018 9:43 pm

how sad - yes, it looks as if they had some kind of congenital heart defect

I'm glad your boy was back home with you when he died

Nicky brown
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Nicky brown » Sat Oct 27, 2018 11:15 pm

Hi
That's really sad. I am shocked about how many cat illnesses I have read about on-line as I have always been relatively lucky with good health in young cats - about the only thing I have been lucky with regarding my cats.
It is strange - for want of a better word, that Jack took ill so soon after his sister and definitely suggests they each carried the same time bomb. It's good though that he was with you being loved when he took the initial turn and again, was home in his safe and reassuring environment when the time came. Doesn't make it much easier for you though.
I lost my little one a week past Friday. The afternoons have got increasingly a bit better but mornings and evenings are very heavy on my heart. Today generally was not a good day. Fortunately my husband is less emotional than myself - he misses Hendrick terribly but is better at compartmentalising so he is seeing to the everyday chores of lighting the fire, getting dinner etc whilst I just say - whatever. Like yourself, having been through it before, I know it will get better but when it is raw, it is raw whatever the circumstances. I am sorry to read about Jack but am glad he did not show signs of ill health for two long and therefore, had the best life he could. Hope you feel a bit better in the next few days too - even if it is only for parts of the day to begin with - small steps. I bought a nice postcard from paper chase yesterday. It has the letter H on it in green glitter. I put it on my fridge with a fridge magnet as another reminder of Hendy. They had lots of letters, if you think that's something that might help a little at this time. I also bought a star to hang in the widow for him over the Christmas/winter months. Just a thought. Nicky.

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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Bertie 2017 » Mon Oct 29, 2018 6:50 am

Hi I am so sorry for your loss ,and so young ,it’s hard enough coming to terms ,with a loss
Of a beloved cat ,when they are old ,but too lose a cat so suddenly and so young ,is so hard,
Too understand and accept ,al I can say is life is so unfair and unkind ,I can understand your pain ,because I lost my Bertie ,last November ,at seven years old ,too me it just doesn’t feel
Right ,you know you will have ,too say your goodbyes ,after all pets don’t have the same,
Lifespan as humans do ,but you never expect it too happen so soon ,and so young ,I hope you know ,they is lots of support online ,and helplines too ,if you feel the need too talk ,
After all you are not alone ,,I must admit ,the day after Bertie was p t s ,I was given the
Number for the blue cross .pbss ,it’s a helpline for pet breavment ,these people ,do amazing things ,helped me back on my feet ,and were always there ,when I needed them ,in fact
I am so inpressed I am ,going too volunteer for them in the new year ,you will find the
Number online ,if you google pet breavment support ,and they is other support too ,
Hopefully you will find peace and comfort from them ,I did ,I would be lost without the
Support and understanding ,these services bring ,and I find catchat amazing ,you know
You are never alone in this and people do understand and care , x

mmarsh
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by mmarsh » Sat Nov 10, 2018 3:18 am

Thank you all for the lovely replies,

It has been a hard - hard 2 weeks and the slightest reminder of him sets the tears off - i cant bring my self to put away his bedding or his bowls - i miss his night time cuddles and him sleeping by my feet the brave boy! the one thing that does give me comfort is that he is reunited with Mitmits and being looked by my dad until its my time.

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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Nicky brown » Sat Nov 10, 2018 9:18 am

Hi
2 weeks for you and 3 for me - I know exactly how you are feeling. I moved Hendrick's bowls at the time but his litter tray is still sitting there - that seems more final as the dishes were often removed and put in the dish washer. My older cat (15) has taken to sleeping in Hendrick's (age 2 1/ 2) bed, which I find hard rather than comforting for some reason. Both of my other cats have also been looking for him as he was here one minute and gone the next. I have been taken herbal de-stress tablets for the last 3 weeks. My husband has put a lovely picture of Hendy on his iPad as a screensaver and it's so hard ever time we both see it but it helps the guilt and worry of forgetting to think about him one day. I still have my baby Toulouse who was killed at 11 months, 2 1/2 years ago, on my screen. I saw Toulouse being born and I saw him lying dead on the road - burying him was the most awful thing. I bought a couple of crystals the same colour as Hendrick, to carry in my pocket. I lost one on Thursday and had a really bad day - not because I had lost it, it was just coincidently a red letter bad work day. I don't know if all these things are helping me but I am trying anything. I know what you mean about the cuddles too - it's the little rituals. I had different ones for my 3 but as the baby, Hendrick was treated like a baby and regularly had raspberries blown on his tummy. My husband is really sad too. Men show it differently but I catch him going through photos and just looking sad. He refers to Hendy as a lost mate. Chin up and keep soldiering on. Try and enjoy something every day no matter how small - it might just be a cuppa but you can build on that. Nicky x

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Julie67
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Julie67 » Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:03 pm

Nicky brown wrote:
Sat Nov 10, 2018 9:18 am
Try and enjoy something every day no matter how small - it might just be a cuppa but you can build on that. Nicky x
There are so many comforting words on this site, but for some reason, I think these are the sweetest.

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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Bertie 2017 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 12:40 am

Hi I know ,it’s hard ,on the both of you ,trust me ,I have been ,there ,but something you
Said ,Vicky had me thinking ,have I mentioned before ,that Bertie has a brother ? ,well I have ,allowed basil ,the freedom ,of my house ,except for Bertie’s bed on top of the ,
Wardrobe ,the last year ,Basil has been happy ,with staying away ,but I spotted him ,
Up there ,yesterday ,and. Yes it didn’t feel ,or look right ,but maybe basil is checking it
Out ,maybe it brings him comfort ,only he knows ,? I often wish I could ask him ,about
How’s ,he is feeling ,and if he misses Bertie ,as much as I do , as for your husband ,
Vicky ,I believe women ,wear their hearts on their sleeve,and are not afraid too show
Emotions ,men and the other hand ,keep their feelings in ,but that doesn’t mean ,they are not ,hurting ,as much as we are ,I believe because ,your husband is looking through
Photos ,of Hendricks ,he is feeling his loss ,as well , grief affects every one in different ways
, I often think ,that’s how people react . someone who is grieving ,I believe Hendricks ,brought joy and happiness too both of you ,and you both miss him ,terribly , yes I understand ,your both ,hurting ,,and yes I hope ,I can bring peace and comfort ,not just
Too ,you ,but everyone on this website ,losing a cat is devastateing. Take care x

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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Nicky brown » Thu Dec 13, 2018 7:54 pm

Thank you Julie and Bertie for your thoughtful words.
I've stopped counting which week I am on which must be a good sign but I haven't written Christmas cards - normal for many but not someone who usually has them written and posted by Nov 30th. I am a few weeks behind with the whole Christmas joviality this year.
It's interesting how we feel differently about our losses. When I lost Toulouse, within 5 weeks I had Hendrick and I knew that's what I needed to do but with Hendrick, nearly 2 months on, another kitten is something I couldn't even consider. I loved Toulouse no less than Hendrick, it's just a different special friend brings a different grief.
Unfortunately my grief has been so intense that combined with other stresses, it has made me unwell. I am hopeful that I will feel better in the New Year. We can never underestimate the love we have for our pets and we don't always realise the true strength of the impact they have on our lives.
Whilst I know how hard it is to hear this when you are suffering from a loss - I wish everyone on this sight a Merry Christmas, especially those of you who have helped support me through this difficult time. Christmas is not so much about making merry yourself but bringing merriment to others by showing you care.

Bertie 2017
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Bertie 2017 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 3:10 pm

Hi Vicky ,I wouldn’t stress too much about Xmas ,your family will understand ,they is no
Good time ,too lose ,a beloved cat ,but so close too Xmas ,it’s so hard ,I recall last Christmas
Was very painful for me , after all Bertie wasn’t even gone ,two weeks ,and yet I felt I had
Too slap on a smile ,for my family’s sake , I broke down right in the middle of everyone
That was a big mistake ,I thought I could handle it ,so the important thing ,Is you this year ,
Grief is draining , so you need too look after yourself ,,and only do ,what you’re comfortable with ,this is the first year ,in about 3 years ,I have put up Xmas decorations and tree ,
I lost my mum ,and uncle ,as well as Bertie ,these last few years ,so I see putting up
Decorations as a good sign ,that I am healing ,of course ,Xmas will never be the same way ,
As it was when ,Bertie was here ,he was extra naughty at Christmas ,and I feel one year on ,
I still get my moments ,,do you have the number for blue cross pbbs service ? ,they
Pet breavment support and helpline ,is open all over Christmas ,even Xmas day ,8-30 am
For12 hours ,every day ,so please ring it ,these guys are amazing , really been there for me .
In fact ,I am starting my ,volunteer training in the new year ,so I can join the ranks ,I have
Learned so much about grief ,through them ,I hope you and family ,have a peaceful Xmas
And ,I hope my advice is a help , the number is 0800 096 6606 if you need it and the blue cross even does a email service ,information on website xx

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Jules20
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Jules20 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:54 pm

Nicky brown wrote:
Thu Dec 13, 2018 7:54 pm
We can never underestimate the love we have for our pets and we don't always realise the true strength of the impact they have on our lives.
Nicky this is so true. I lost my small family some years ago (I'm 48 now). My husband has a larger family but there's issues so we don't see them often. I sometimes felt so alone (no children) but now I realise I wasn't alone at all because Merlin was right by my side day in and day out. I grew up in Central London but we moved to just outside 15 yrs ago. I actually hated it out here in this house and then about 3 years after we moved in Merlin turned up and I came to love this home because of him.

My grief has been so intense that I have felt nauseous most days. I'm still counting the weeks and it will be 5 weeks for me on Monday and some days I wonder how it will ever get any better. Right now I can't even contemplate getting another cat and not sure I ever will. This makes me sad as I know I will miss out on the joy they bring and another cat will miss out on the chance of a loving home.

Bertie I am glad that you have put up your decorations and Xmas tree and I too wish everyone a peaceful Christmas & New Year.

Julia x

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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Bertie 2017 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:20 pm

Hi Julia ,I am so sorry ,you are finding it ,hard ,and Christmas ,somehow makes it worse ,
I understand your loss ,and so sorry too ,hear about merlin ,I know like my Bertie ,what
Merlin ,ment too you ,,too some people ,cats are our whole world ,well Bertie was too me ,
And I’d be ,lying if I said ,it didn’t all most destroy me ,his loss ,but it does get easier ,
I believe time ,is a healer ,it’s your first Xmas without merlin ,and you and your husband ,
Shouldn’t have to ,feel like celebrating ,if you don’t feel up ,too it ,last year ,I pushed myself ,too visit family ,on Christmas Day ,and it resulted in a meltdown ,I thought
Every one is happy besides me ,I tried too act like normal ,but my grief was too strong ,
I couldn’t keep it in ,but this year ,I have decided ,too let Xmas into my home , let in
The light ,I have spent too long in the dark ,and yes ,I still get my moments ,but I think
Of happier Xmas times , Bertie loved Xmas ,and his brother basil ,,who I still have ,
Is still trying to knock down the tree ,lol , so he always makes me smile and laugh ,
I do hope you have a peaceful Xmas , and always know ,I understand your pain ,and you
Are among fellow cat lovers ,who will support you all the way XX

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Jules20
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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Jules20 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 11:50 pm

Thank you Bertie for your kind words it really means a lot.

We had an invite to my sister-in-laws but we have decided to stay at home so that if I do have a meltdown, I won't have to worry about upsetting anyone else. We will muddle through as best we can.

I hope you and Basil enjoy it this year. You have been through a lot and you really deserve to have some happiness back in your life!

Julia x

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Re: Im absolutely heart broken

Post by Bertie 2017 » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:33 pm

Hi Julia ,yes staying at home ,this year ,is a good idea ,because I really thought my family ,
Would understand ,how I was feeling ,so that is why ,I decided too visit my family ,last Christmas ,I soon found out ,how wrong I was ,far from being a great comfort too me ,
They just made matters worse ,,my family didn’t show any signs ,of understanding my
Break down ,or my grief ,in fact ,some went ,as far as too say ,I had spoiled Christmas ,
I know a lot of drink was involved ,but that’s no excuse ,I strongly believe ,family should ,
Support you ,not judge you ,it has hurt me so much ,that even now ,I the words still
Sting ,so I am staying home ,with Bertie’s brother ,Basil ,this Christmas ,well at least ,
Till Boxing Day ,then I am visiting my so called loving family ,my family have just got
On with their life’s ,not even asked ,me I am ok ? So it’s no surprise ,that I loved and
Miss Bertie so much ,still I do love Bertie ,that will never ever change , so my advice
What be ,do what ,is right for you , not all families are heartless like mine ,but I do
Wish ,I hadn’t gone ,because it caused more heartbreak,losing a beloved cat ,is hard
Enough ,without that added on top ,I know this Christmas is going too be hard for you ,
I will be thinking of every one ,who has lost a beloved cat ,this year xx

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