Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Bertie 2017
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Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Bertie 2017 » Sun May 05, 2019 11:24 pm

Hi sorry to sound like a broken record ,but I am still feeling the pain of losing my dear Bertie
It’s been over a year ,and still I am living with my grief ,I just what a as normal as possible
Life , but I feel in limbo because ,of my feelings of anger and bitterness ,towards my
Loss ,Bertie was taken aged seven years old ,some say it was his time ,but I myself feel
He was so cruelly taken from me ,I am feeling life is unfair , because I lost the most amazing
Cat ,and so ,I long for him ,each day ,I feel my broken heart will never ever heal ,in fact
This has put me off ,ever getting another cat ,because I never ever what too feel this way
Again , this grief has been so cruel and painful ,

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Lilith
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Lilith » Tue May 07, 2019 6:36 am

It is, and you think you have reached a plateau where you can cope - and then it all wells up again and overwhelms you. This is the nature of the beast, unfortunately. (Sorry if I sound cold or smug - don't mean to; when it gets to me I'm in chaos too.)

I've said that about never having another cat ... trouble is, when the another cat arrives, it ignores the fact lol. But yes, you do feel like that.

Have courage - love and hugs, Lil x

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Jules20
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Jules20 » Wed May 08, 2019 9:19 am

Yes Bertie I agree, the pain of losing a beloved cat is intense and unrelenting.

I have had people say to me 'life carries on' and 'it's the cycle of life and death' like I could just pick myself up and move on if only I understood that. Well, I do understand that but death still totally sucks to me and we should be allowed to grieve and move on in our own good time.

We do need to try and get past the anger and bitterness or else it will eat away at us. I try to focus on the good memories of Merlin but it ain't always easy I know!

Hang on in there.

Love & hugs Julia

Bertie 2017
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Bertie 2017 » Sat May 11, 2019 2:59 am

Thank you both for your kind words and support ,yes I agree anger and bitterness ,isn’t a good thing ,but I feel grief is something you have no control over ,as for moving on ,it’s
Easier said than done ,I am sure because ,of the love you have for your cats ,you understand
The way I feel ,as I understand your pain ,and yes I do, grief often will make you feel ,alone
With no one too turn too ,I lost my mum around five years ago ,and I got tons of support
From both friends and family ,but since losing my dear Bertie ,I have been left too cope
On my own ,even when I try telling my family ,they just changed the supject ,too them
Bertie didn’t matter ,still I feel I am a strong person ,I must be ,but I will be pleased
When ,I get too see ,a breavment councillor ,hopefully everything that bottled up in side ,
Will be released ,and put me on the road to healing ,and please remember I am here for
Other people too ,
Take care xx

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Jules20
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Jules20 » Wed May 15, 2019 8:48 am

I totally understand Bertie. It's 6 months for me now and I still struggle everyday with the pain of losing my Merlin. I have read a lot of stuff on pet bereavement and it is as painful (if not more so) than some human losses and it does seem from talking to others that it takes a long time to heal from it. Other people are a disappointment, they just don't understand the bond we have with our animals and some people just don't have any empathy. I tend to steer clear of those people now.

There is nothing I can say to take away your pain but just know that you are not alone. I hope you don't have to wait too long for your counselling.

Love Julia xxx

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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Bertie 2017 » Fri May 31, 2019 2:20 am

Hi thanks jules , for kind words and support ,I haven’t been on this website for a while
Because ,I have been seeing a cardiologist ,because I have angina ,caused by the stress
Of losing my dear Bertie ,yes that’s what has become of this ,what I call a living nightmare
Losing Bertie ,has damaged my health , but I will be ok ,if I take care of myself ,because
Let’s face it ,my family don’t care ,too them ,Bertie was only a cat ,not important ,
Enough to give a thought ,but Bertie was my whole world my everything ,as I am sure
Merlin was too you ,how are you cooing yourself ? ,I am sure it hasn’t been easy for you
But ,they is people out there who cares

Xx

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Jules20
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Jules20 » Wed Jun 05, 2019 8:59 am

So sorry to hear about your angina Bertie. This grief does take a toll on our health so we do need to try and take care of ourselves but I know how difficult it is when we feel this intense grief.

I do understand how you feel about family, I feel like that with some of my work colleagues and barely speak to some of them now. I know it does us no good though to hold onto the anger and only hurts us more but it can be quite difficult to let it go.

Thanks for asking how I'm coping Bertie. I just go through the motions of the day with a broken heart really. It is still very painful for me as it is for you and some days I wonder if it'll ever get easier. They were our world Bertie and it is a great loss so I think that it takes a long time for some of us to heal from this intense grief.

Sending love and hugs. Julia xxx

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Mollycat
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Mollycat » Sun Jun 09, 2019 6:51 am

It's only been a year. The first year, you have to face every first - every anniversary.

Your daily routine, from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to sleep and often beyond, you had to consider a demanding, loving furry friend full of mischief and cuddles, vocalising and getting in your way, you were always aware of a presence, looked forward to being greeted, amused by craziness and cuteness. Suddenly all that was brutally taken away and you were left lost with no signposts to your day and only the painful absence. We all adjust, but we take the time it takes. A year is only a year.

In some ways, because our pets govern our daily routines and share so much of our relaxation time and interfere with us trying to get things done, it can be harder to adjust than it is when we lose people. These painful reminders like a knife in the heart might come on the day we used to meet someone for a coffee or a night out, or the time we always used to call them, or when someone says something that reminds us of them. But with our pets, there are a thousand of these moments every day. No wonder it cuts so deep.

There is no time limit on grief. Don't let anyone judge you and most of all don't judge yourself. If you need to talk, talk - if nobody offers you the gentle warmth of listening, write a diary, or find a quiet place and talk to yourself. It's ok to write a letter to a cat expressing your feelings! There is a pet bereavement listening service at the Blue Cross and I believe there are others - volunteers who will listen and support if the people around you can't be there for you. Be kind to yourself and let your grief do its work on you.

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Jules20
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Jules20 » Wed Jun 12, 2019 9:10 am

Everything you say is so true Mollycat. It is a loss that cuts very deep because of all the things you mentioned. Others expect us just to crack on and be fine with it which doesn't help when we feel broken inside. It really does help to find like-minded people who understand your loss and even just one listening ear can help. I also have a letter that I wrote to my Merlin mainly because I didn't want to forget a single thing about him!

Hope you are bearing up Bertie and sending love to everyone who has been through this terrible loss.

Julia xxx

Bertie 2017
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Re: Why is life so cruel and unfair ?

Post by Bertie 2017 » Mon Jul 15, 2019 9:29 pm

Thank you all so much for your support and kind words
I know you are all feeling the emotions and raw pain
Of your own loss , and I am pleased there is so many
Kind and understanding people , in the world , not
Just cruel and mean people , who. Obviously should
Know better then say horrible things . That’s why
I feel animals are so different , never judge or hurt
You , and show the true meaning of unconditional love
Hugs and kisses to all x

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