Adopted cat behaviour issue

IMPORTANT: If your cat is in any distress or discomfort, please consult your own vet as your first priority.
Post Reply
peaclily 70
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:43 pm

Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by peaclily 70 » Tue Jul 30, 2019 7:09 pm

Hi there,
I wonder if anyone could give me a little bit of advice. I have just adopted a lovely female car from our local cat shelter(home visit pending), and I am very much looking forward to having her in our family', however I have just one slight concern, although she was very loving to both my husband and I, she seems to be a bit more affectionate with my husband. This cat was meant to be a companion for me as | am at home the most and it was my idea to adopt a cat from the rescue shelter to offer a cal a good home whilst providing company for me. I am just a little concerned that it will become more attached to my husband. I just want the cat to have a happy life with me whie my husband works long hours away. I lost my last little fur baby a few years ago due to liver cancer, after 14 very happy year,s and it has taken me a long while to get over him, in fact I don't think I ever will.

Are my concerns unfounded?

Please advise,

Many thanks.

User avatar
Kay
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1642
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 2:50 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: West Wales

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by Kay » Tue Jul 30, 2019 10:07 pm

I've never known an affectionate cat shun companionship when alone with one of a pair of owners, even if she favours one over the other when both are there. But it's likely that when she's spent periods alone with you she'll see you as her no 1 human.

Do you make more effort to attract her attention than your husband? Cats who are still finding their paws in a new home often feel safer with people who interact with them the least. It doesn't last once they are fully at home.

User avatar
Mollycat
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 420
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: UK

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by Mollycat » Wed Jul 31, 2019 7:20 am

After my feline soulmate died I wasn't ready to open my heart to a new friend for some years, but our housemate came home with a cat for us that some people had given him because she didn't like their dog. Whatever the truth, I could not turn away this cat in need and already in my house - but I made it clear to my partner that he would have to take responsibility for her because as much as I would love and care for her, my heart was broken and bleeding raw and this cat deserved better. So she was his cat, and 3 years later another cat came along who bonded with me and became mine. Who knows, maybe this cat knows something you don't yet realise. Cats can be great healers and teachers.

On the other hand as every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. Remember the cat is most active at dusk and dawn (supposedly!) and many just settle and nap a lot through the day - not because they don't like the person who happens to be there but because it's their natural pattern. If she does, don't take it personally! As Kay says, they may have a closer bond with one or the other but most unusual to ignore one and even if she did it's unlikely that her favourite being away long hours would be a cause of suffering for her. The cat we had when I left home that I had to leave for some years with my parents was definitely my cat and the moment I stepped through the door nobody else existed for her, but she was happy and affectionate with my parents the rest of the week between my visits.

booktigger
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 2073
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 1:36 pm

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by booktigger » Wed Jul 31, 2019 7:50 am

It's hard to say what they will be like in a home, my Lucy only ever wanted to sit on people's knee in rescue and rarely played but when I got her home, she rarely sat with me and just wanted to play! She has moments of being a lap cat but on her terms and she doesn't seen to appreciate when I'm off work, like I'm disrupting her routine!

User avatar
Lilith
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3631
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:00 pm
No. of cats in household: 3
Location: West Yorks

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by Lilith » Wed Jul 31, 2019 12:08 pm

Would it matter if she did seem more attached to your husband in some ways? Like running to greet him when he comes home and so on? Sitting with him? He'll be a novelty but she will have been yours during the day and be very bonded with you. I don't really think the problem would arise since you're going to be her sole companion for much of the time, but it may well be that she will give different attention and love to you both, in different ways. She sounds to be an outgoing little soul, but be prepared for her to be quiet at first.

In the 80s I was owned by a blue point Siamese who was so imprinted on me that she wanted me to breastfeed her. I had to sleep with the duvet stretched across my collarbones and tucked firmly beneath my armpits, like a heroine in one of those coy Hollywood films. My then husband called her my 'familiar' lol. She was intensely possessive of me, even when she had kittens, but she had other uses for my husband. That flat broad manly chest - perfect for sleeping on, even if he did snore. (It must have been like tossing about in a small boat on the high seas with a gale roaring.) And girl cats do flirt with men. One of her kittens was a shameless tart who even flirted with the vet. (Mind you, he was worth flirting with lol.)

If you want to command exclusive devotion, then buy a labrador. But I feel that your cat will bring you and your husband a lot of love and companionship. She will own you (as has been said) train you be to her slaves and hopefully help to ease the pain left by the loss of your previous cat.

I hope you all have many happy years before you :)

peaclily 70
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:43 pm

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by peaclily 70 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:42 am

Kay wrote:
Tue Jul 30, 2019 10:07 pm
I've never known an affectionate cat shun companionship when alone with one of a pair of owners, even if she favours one over the other when both are there. But it's likely that when she's spent periods alone with you she'll see you as her no 1 human.

Do you make more effort to attract her attention than your husband? Cats who are still finding their paws in a new home often feel safer with people who interact with them the least. It doesn't last once they are fully at home.
Hi Kay thank you very much for your response, I haven't got the cat yet, still awaiting a home visit from rescue shelter which can take anything up to 10 days, but thanks for your reassuring words and advice, I will certainly take heed.

peaclily 70
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:43 pm

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by peaclily 70 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:57 am

Mollycat wrote:
Wed Jul 31, 2019 7:20 am
After my feline soulmate died I wasn't ready to open my heart to a new friend for some years, but our housemate came home with a cat for us that some people had given him because she didn't like their dog. Whatever the truth, I could not turn away this cat in need and already in my house - but I made it clear to my partner that he would have to take responsibility for her because as much as I would love and care for her, my heart was broken and bleeding raw and this cat deserved better. So she was his cat, and 3 years later another cat came along who bonded with me and became mine. Who knows, maybe this cat knows something you don't yet realise. Cats can be great healers and teachers.

On the other hand as every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. Remember the cat is most active at dusk and dawn (supposedly!) and many just settle and nap a lot through the day - not because they don't like the person who happens to be there but because it's their natural pattern. If she does, don't take it personally! As Kay says, they may have a closer bond with one or the other but most unusual to ignore one and even if she did it's unlikely that her favourite being away long hours would be a cause of suffering for her. The cat we had when I left home that I had to leave for some years with my parents was definitely my cat and the moment I stepped through the door nobody else existed for her, but she was happy and affectionate with my parents the rest of the week between my visits.
Hi there thanks for your advice. I had a cat for 14 years. He sadly passed away 5 years ago on Christmas Day from liver cancer, I cried for weeks afterwards. He followed me around the house and looked up to me like his mother. But now when I think back to when I first adopted him from the shelter he took to me and my ex husband and was very affectionate with both of us, however as time went by he seemed to have a closer bond with me and I soon became his favourite companion. Maybe it was because I was at home more than my ex, not sure, A few months after he died we adopted another cat from the rescue shelter. My ex got him for me to help me to get over the loss of my first cat, however he chose my ex over me this time. Maybe this was due to the fact that this cat had previously male owner? I suppose its hard to tell at this stage who she will choose, although I do think she will still show some love towards me due to her friendly nature.

peaclily 70
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:43 pm

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by peaclily 70 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:01 pm

booktigger wrote:
Wed Jul 31, 2019 7:50 am
It's hard to say what they will be like in a home, my Lucy only ever wanted to sit on people's knee in rescue and rarely played but when I got her home, she rarely sat with me and just wanted to play! She has moments of being a lap cat but on her terms and she doesn't seen to appreciate when I'm off work, like I'm disrupting her routine!
Aw bless, yes I suppose all cats are a bit unpredictable, they have their own characters, that's why they are so unique and why I love them even more!

peaclily 70
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:43 pm

Re: Adopted cat behaviour issue

Post by peaclily 70 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:12 pm

Lilith wrote:
Wed Jul 31, 2019 12:08 pm
Would it matter if she did seem more attached to your husband in some ways? Like running to greet him when he comes home and so on? Sitting with him? He'll be a novelty but she will have been yours during the day and be very bonded with you. I don't really think the problem would arise since you're going to be her sole companion for much of the time, but it may well be that she will give different attention and love to you both, in different ways. She sounds to be an outgoing little soul, but be prepared for her to be quiet at first.

In the 80s I was owned by a blue point Siamese who was so imprinted on me that she wanted me to breastfeed her. I had to sleep with the duvet stretched across my collarbones and tucked firmly beneath my armpits, like a heroine in one of those coy Hollywood films. My then husband called her my 'familiar' lol. She was intensely possessive of me, even when she had kittens, but she had other uses for my husband. That flat broad manly chest - perfect for sleeping on, even if he did snore. (It must have been like tossing about in a small boat on the high seas with a gale roaring.) And girl cats do flirt with men. One of her kittens was a shameless tart who even flirted with the vet. (Mind you, he was worth flirting with lol.)

If you want to command exclusive devotion, then buy a labrador. But I feel that your cat will bring you and your husband a lot of love and companionship. She will own you (as has been said) train you be to her slaves and hopefully help to ease the pain left by the loss of your previous cat.

I hope you all have many happy years before you :)
I wouldn't mind at all if my new cat became more attached to my husband in different ways. I have always had male cats before so this will be my first female cat. I wanted another male this time, but this one was the only cat that came to us in the shelter. I think she chose us both as she was purring and nudging when my husband stroked her, but head butting and nuzzling me! Thanks for your reassuring words, I now think my concerns are unfounded. :)

Post Reply