Will he change behaviour? He's still pretty nervous...

[Martin-W]

So, off the back of my previous post, we trusted the rescue centre volunteer and adopted the two kittens.

...except they're not really settling, and certainly aren't the 'confident' cats they were described as, 3 weeks on. (Got them vaccinated at the start of the week - vet said they weren't confident cats and probably shouldn't be in a home with young kids)

The girl still runs and hides whenever you walk in the room. Sometimes tolerates attention from us, but appears fearful most of the time. Until you switch the lights off at night when she turns into a lunatic racing around the room and letting out all of the energy she's pent up from hiding all day.

The boy is better- he will play with our son when he's in the mood, for a few minutes, and he will accept fusses from all of us. But he almost never initiates it, almost never comes to us, and still starts/spooks at sharp noises, doors opening/creaking, and sudden movements by us. He also shows no real interest in leaving the bedroom where we've kept them up to now - tried a handful of times and he keeps running back for cover in the bedroom if something spooks him. He's better with my wife and son than he is with me, but we're talking degrees - he's not really a social cat.


So...what do we do now?
- the girl clearly needs a different, quieter home. It's not good for her here. Rescue centre agrees...they acknowledge they've made a mistake.
- the boy is more difficult. He's absolutely beautiful (genuinely amazing markings, nice face), he does like a fuss when he's in the mood, and he's very gentle - no claws, teeth or malice in him at all. But we're still going to him, he still seems nervous at least half the time...not (yet?) really the confident family cat we were looking for. And properly distrustful of our 3y.o. daughter (understandably so... )


I guess my question is as per the title - if we keep him and work on him, will he change? / how MUCH will he change?
I keep reading different things on this topic. It appears that they weren't really socialised for the first 5-6 months of their life (home with multiple cats owned by two very old people who probably wanted company not pets to play with, and as new kittens they were bottom of the pecking order), but can that human socialisation now be learned, or is it a lot harder as they're past 6 months?
I feel like I need to make a decision soon as my son is starting to bond with him, and the closer we get to Christmas the more difficult any separation is going to be for both of them...

[Mollycat]

I have only skim-read but the bit about her needing a different home and would he change - I wouldn't ask that of them. They have been through enough already and going back to the shelter again is more, I would not separate them on top of all that. Imagine - she is homed with her brother, she feels terrified, then she goes back to the shelter again but her brother - the one reliable constant in her life vanishes into thin air. I wouldn't take that away from her, even if the boy could settle and be happy, my gut feeling is it's not fair on her. Let them go together.

[booktigger]

I completely agree with Mollycat, you don't know how much that bond is helping, and what he would be like without his sister. It's why I have mum and daughter, daughter may well have come round better without her mums fear, but doubt mum would be as confident in a house without her daughter, and after 4 years, when there is something spooky, they tend to cling together.

[Martin-W]

Thanks both.

For reference, that wasn't my suggestion - my initial thoughts were as yours (and there does seem to be a bond between them). That idea of splitting them up was volunteered by the rescue centre, based on what has happened with the other (even more timid) sister, who was adopted (shortly before we took these two) into a quiet house with an established, chilled 18mth old cat...the very timid sister has settled in quicker, is playing and interacting with the 18mth cat and appears to be learning from the older cat. Still not human-social, but more settled, apparently.

Not sure if that changes your views or not?

[Mollycat]

It could work out well for her, or not. The better I get to know cats, the more they have the capacity to surprise and prove us wrong.

One thing that long ago ceased to surprise me and generates an eye roll rather than a raised eyebrow, is how badly wrong so many rescues get it. I don't really blame the rescues, I believe it's pretty much impossible to do a reliably accurate assessment on a cat, when moving a cat from one environment to another can seemingly give it a complete personality transplant. Especially tough if the rescue house them in pens rather than a foster home.

I don't know, although generally I would stand by what I said before, I could be completely wrong and the rescue people could be right, and unfortunately we can't ask the cat and there is only one way to find out, which could work out perfect for everyone, or it could be a disaster.