5 cats and a new baby

[tonks]

Hello cat lovers, I have had my 5 moggies living with me for 10 years now and I adore them to bits. They are all so funny and crazy, despite their age they still play around and are still curious about everything, they are just my darlings, every night I cook some steamed or boiled fish or chicken for them and I would never part from them.

I have also had on and off clinical depression for many years and have been in treatment and trying to get better while also studying for a degree with the OU to try better myself and my cat family's situation, and I have to say that if it hadn't been for the cats being by my side I would have made it. I owe them a huge debt of gratitude. April gone my 5th died of kidney disease at the age of 20 and I miss him more than I can say, he was always sleeping on me and I dubbed him the crotch-snatcher because of his choice of nesting area eheh. He never missed a guest either, and loved everyone like a best friend.

I have now found out much to my surprise that I am pregnant with a girl by my long term partner, at the age of 41! Because of my depression and involvement in MH services I am terrified that social services would be involved and try to force me to rehome my cats, at a time when rescues are at capacity, and I know that I would not be able to do that. I would rather sell a kidney and move to Bulgaria or wherever house prices are low. It would be like rehoming some other kids because of a new kid coming in.

Does anyone have any knowledge or experience of cats and babies living together and/or ss take on cats and babies? Is it a workable situation? Would the cats be able to handle a screaming baby? I really don't want to let them down.
Any imput greatly appreciated. Alternatively, human kidney going for around 65.000.

[Lilith]

Hi there and welcome

I'm afraid I know nothing about cats living with babies, except that many cat owners do have babies and seem to get along fine in this situation.

I do know, however, about the psychiatric system and social services and how arbitrary its 'professionals' can be and I understand your fears completely.

However, from what you describe, you sound to be coping admirably despite your mh problems (from my own experience I can guess that you've had some very bad times though and can't rule out the possibility of more to come.) This will earn you brownie points with the system, as will your degree and the fact of your long-term relationship. (As you'll know, everything is categorised with these people and points awarded or withheld.) In their jargon they might probably say that you have 'sufficient insight' to cope and that no 'intervention' would be 'appropriate' ...'Phew', says the Community Psychiatric Nurse, 'Goody, another body off my caseload!'

But there is always the fear of some officious little jobsworth coming along and saying, 'Oh dear me no, this can't be allowed to happen! 5 cats! Whatever next!'

However. These people are so snowed under with work (the psychiatric system is notoriously underfunded, though you might not think it if you knew what a psychiatrist can earn!) that an independent, feisty person of 41, doing her own thing and in a solid relationship, about to start a family, might not, I feel, attract too much notice. This could be annoying if you needed extra help, but in some ways...I wouldn't mind betting that, even if you've mentioned the cats, the 'professionals' haven't taken the fact on board. It's really amazing what they forget and get wrong.

Sorry - I do hate the psychiatric system. I've opted out for years and stick with 'Mind' - if you have a local 'Mind' helpline I can recommend it if it's anything as good as my local one; I talk to a regular worker and she is also my support worker who would fight my corner if anything untoward happened such as a threatened sectioning. In some cities 'Mind' are even developing alternative crisis support systems, where people can phone and go and see a qualified worker. And I have a decent GP; I don't bother her much but she knows I won't do hospital or meds (don't help) and she knows me...sadly she's retiring soon.

Which brings me to - is there anyone you know and trust, such as a GP or counsellor, that you could discuss your fear with? I get the impression there might not be from what you describe though. I DO recommend 'Mind' - and just keeping shtum about the cats to the psychiatric system but of course that's my personal subjective view.

I hope there will be others along soon who can advise more about babies/cats together or about the 'system' and I do wish you all the very best, and congrats too!

I hope you have a very happy future, the whole lot of you, hard work but a lot of love there by the sound, what a houseful eh?

[tonks]

Hello Lilith and thank you very much for your input and advice. I had completely overlooked Mind! It must be baby brain, I am not used to it. I know of their great work, they are among the few that are really on the side of people, as opposed to the "client/professional" relationship that is mostly going on among the mh teams across the care spectrum, which is always one up one down. I will definitely give them a call.

I can really see what you mean about opting out of the mh system, I want out, in fact I am regretting asking for help in the first place as I'm now stuck with the stigma and need to account to random people for life.

I have also encountered a really mixed bag of characters among mh professionals and some were totally unqualified, like the 50 grand a year manager of a popular mental health facility with a degree in engineering, 10 years experience managing building sites and 30 running a mental health centre, a job for which he was recruited I don't know how. Receiving care from unqualified professionals is not really helpful and then you get blamed for not making progress, I do feel duped for even attending. It's a bit like finding out that a plumber has been fixing your car and you have been crashing for a reason that was not really your fault, endangering your life in fact.

The paradox is that those who seek therapy help privately are not monitored, nor forbidden from having a carefree family life in the future unless they comply with the random requests of a random social worker, which leaves it pretty much to the luck of the draw, as you said, like for every profession I guess. This has truly taught me that nothing is free and you will pay the piper with either hard cash or the loss of your freedom!

I'm not on meds either, I did try antidepressants but the side effects are crippling and I can't believe people can take them and feel normal, but we are all different and whatever works! Homeopathy works well for me, I know some think it's just sugared water but some remedies make a difference.

I'm dreading home visits from baby health visitors, because they will see the cats. Maybe I could board them for a while or give them to friends temporarily. Countless children grow up on farms surrounded by many different animals and in crusty hovels worldwide and do just fine as long as they are treated well and loved but I was told by a couple of support workers that my cats are too many and might have to go. I have looked up other threads about babies and cats but nothing comes up on here, I will trawl the internet some more. I'm pretty sure it can be done!

Thank you for the congrats Lilith, to be honest at this point I don't know whether to laugh or cry about having a baby the work with the cats is manageable but with the baby it will be a full on challenge for sure. Being my age, the dilemma has been that this will be my last chance to have a (part human) family and I didn't feel right renouncing it, especially as I feel much better than I used to. I hope to be able to cope and to be allowed a chance! With the mogs!

I hope you have a very happy future too you are a very kind lady!

[Lilith]

Aww thankyou tonks for your kind words, and I hope you find as much help as I have with Mind - saved my life.

So you've already encountered the 'jobsworths' have you? I'd like to know what THEIR qualifications were...loved the bit about the engineering degree enabling that guy to run the facility...that is so typical! You would be amazed (or perhaps not) at the amount of oddballs and misfits who go into psychiatry. I was once told by a community psychiatric nurse that doctors wishing to gain consultant status but who didn't have 'people skills' usually go into geriatrics - or psychiatry. Because we're all gaga and they'll be on the side that's winning. And my favourite story is about a psychiatrist (who I once encountered myself) escorting a patient to some meeting or something - but they all assumed the psychiatrist was the patient! Having met the good doctor myself I can well imagine it! And oh yes, if you don't get 'well' with a couple of pep talks and home visits, you're the one to blame, been there done that...'oh well, we don't seem to have helped you so we're withdrawing input.'

About the cats - I've often heard this sort of thing before, about people who have been advised to 'get rid of' cats because they're pregnant/their child has asthma/allergies...Doctors and other 'professionals' make these pronunciations just to cover themselves or because they can't be bothered to get to the root of the asthma/allergy, which may not be due to the poor cat after all. I once had a therapist who made it clear that she absolutely despised the fact of my cats and the fact that I had an allotment, was working my socks off, trying to cope with allotment politics (heavy and in the end impossible) and just didn't recognise that the cats and gardening were a valuable therapy.

I think your main argument is that your cats are your therapy and that it would cause you (and the cats) intense mental distress if you were forced to part with them.

These 'support workers' - are you likely to see them again (staff turnover is very fast in the community mental health teams as you may have noticed; every time you'll see a different person.) I feel that they too are coming out with the stock cliche, covering themselves - but it's bloody frightening when you're on the receiving end. About 6 months ago I was in hospital with a physical problem but the doctors all put on their psychiatrist hats and I was scared stiff I wouldn't be allowed home again! Heavy stuff! My lovely Mind support worker was on standby to rescue me. (My cats had been fostered - by a friend of hers who runs a shelter - but they're back with me now.)

I do hope you can outwit these NITWITS and survive this. Stick to your guns. You WILL get good advice from Mind and I hope you find support that's as good as the support that I've found.

I do hope some people who've managed motherhood and cat owning will be along too to advise on all that ...you guys, sorry, mothers?

Please do keep in touch; this is a very good supportive forum and you've come to the right place, and again, all the very best, pm me if you like, Lil x

[Crewella]

I wish I had something useful to offer, but I have no experience of either of the issues - I'm only any use on cat queries. Just wanted to say hi.