Saying goodbye

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Post Reply
Lara gaffney
New Cat Chatter
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2019 10:10 pm

Saying goodbye

Post by Lara gaffney » Fri Jun 07, 2019 10:32 pm

Today we said goodbye to our beloved Tommy.
We had managed his kidney disease for 18 months but he developed pancreatitis and a tumour on his spleen.
Tommy stopped eating and was struggling to walk but still wanted to sit with all of us.
He managed to get out to garden today and with my 3 sons and my husband we sat with him while the vet put him to sleep.
He looked very peaceful and we did not want him to suffer any more.
This happened at 3 pm and I never thought I would hurt as much as I am.
I can not stop thinking about him and I feel so sad inside it hurts. My beloved Tommy would have been 17 on the 22nd June.
He was a very special cat who was loyal and loved us all.
He always sat next to my 10 year old son while we had breakfast and I am dreading going into the kitchen and seeing his empty bed.
When will I be able to remember all the happy times without my heart breaking.
RIP Tommy June 2002- June 2019

User avatar
fjm
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 607
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:11 pm
No. of cats in household: 2
Location: North West England

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by fjm » Sat Jun 08, 2019 7:07 am

I am so sorry - grief hurts, physically as well as emotionally, and we all get through it in different ways and different times. For me I know I need the comfort of a baby in the house to fill the void left in daily routines and begin to mend a broken heart - never to replace, but to make its own love and its own place, and to meet some deep need for new life in the face of death. Others find the idea of another animal and another eventual loss unbearable. Remembering may sometimes always be a matter of smiling through tears, but there is comfort in knowing you gave him a long and happy life, and helped him to slip away in comfort when pain and discomfort loomed.

Is this your son's first experience of such a loss? He too may be struggling with feelings he doesn't understand.

Lara gaffney
New Cat Chatter
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2019 10:10 pm

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by Lara gaffney » Sat Jun 08, 2019 7:45 am

The boys were upset and cried but seem quite resilient.
The hardest part for my ten year old to understand was that putting Tommy to sleep was kind as he was suffering.
He got quite upset about that as his argument was that we don’t do it to people when they get old.
We booked it Monday so they spent time with him during the week, I felt so guilty every time I looked at him.
I would like to be able to think about Tommy without crying.
I never imagined it would feel this bad.
I would like another cat one day but there would never be another Tommy.
Thank you for taking the time.

issiandarchie+68
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 206
Joined: Mon May 02, 2016 10:45 am

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:48 am

Lara, an old saying comes to mind "When we take on a pet's life, we also take on their death" and although we all accept this, it's extremely painful when the time comes to let them go. I have lost and grieved for many pets of all shapes and sizes over a lifetime, including 3 cats in the last 3 years, the last heart breakingly very recently. I tell you this because I know from experience, the raw, painful grief you and your family are experiencing will pass to be replaced by a deep but bearable sadness which in itself will then gently ease. Eventually, you will be able to talk about the life you had with Tommy, maybe consider bringing the warmth and companionship of another cat into your home, and good memories, little things Tommy did, will begin to spark and surface. I think your son probably knew, deep in his heart, that releasing Tommy was the right thing to do but, as with my own children in years past, desperately wanted to postpone the moment, looking to his Mum to fix things because that's what Mums do. Oh Lara, I am truly saddened at your loss and really feel your pain, but honestly, it will pass, sadly just not right now.

Issi

User avatar
Mollycat
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: UK

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by Mollycat » Sun Jun 09, 2019 6:34 am

Lara gaffney wrote:
Sat Jun 08, 2019 7:45 am
The boys were upset and cried but seem quite resilient.
The hardest part for my ten year old to understand was that putting Tommy to sleep was kind as he was suffering.
He got quite upset about that as his argument was that we don’t do it to people when they get old.
So sorry for your loss. They mark every moment of our day and every moment becomes a raw reminder that our lives are changed forever.

Please don't be fooled by children when they seem resilient. They are, but learning to grieve isn't about resilience. It's too easy for us a breathe a sigh of relief when a child seems to be getting on with it and grab the chance to deal with our own grief. This is your chance to model experiencing and expressing difficult emotions and gradually coming to terms with the loss and it becomes less raw. Show them that it's ok to feel sad and normal to resent a cruel world that takes our loved ones away from us. Keep Tommy part of the family by talking openly and most important letting the children talk, remember the joy of his life with you, make sure it's normal to have those 'moments' that still hit us out of the blue weeks months and years after the event. Let Tommy be their teacher for all the losses they will face in their lives and equip them emotionally for the endless repeat of love and loss that expands our hearts to love ever more deeply and live fully without fear of experiencing and sharing our feelings.

User avatar
Jules20
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 2:59 pm
No. of cats in household: 0

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by Jules20 » Wed Jun 12, 2019 9:14 am

So sorry for your loss Lara. I understand the pain you are going through. Sending you love and hugs xxx

Bertie 2017
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2018 8:24 pm
No. of cats in household: 1

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by Bertie 2017 » Fri Jul 05, 2019 11:09 pm

Hi first of all sorry for your loss , cats become
Part of the family , and are involved in our everyday
Lives , so it’s no wonder why we miss them so much
I do hope the many happy memories will bring you
Some comfort

Hugs and kisses x

Polly
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2019 7:03 am
No. of cats in household: 0
Location: Lancashire

Re: Saying goodbye

Post by Polly » Sat Aug 17, 2019 10:03 am

Deeply sorry for your loss, we lost our cat in May 2019,aged 141/2 years old,the pain of grief is unbelievable,until a person has experienced it,they have no idea.

Post Reply