Lila's squamous cell carcinoma journey..

[JulieandBarney]

Hi,

What a worry for you...I really do feel for you, as Crewella said I would certainly give the vet a call, if only to put your mind at rest.

When my 'cc' had oral cancer, there were times where he was so good at hiding the pain, I almost cancelled his final trip to the vet. When I explained to the vet how he seemed to have picked up and was purring, she said that cats often purr to comfort themselves when they are in pain and can hide their pain amazingly well, and it was tru, she confirmed that the tumour had suddenly grown significantly, within a very short space and time and the pain was obviously becoming that bit more frequent. We all know and understand the terrible dilemma you face and you will know when Lila has too many moments of pain to contend with to do the right thing, because you love her...thinking of you, please let us know how you get on...xx

[faerieevenstar]

She seems a lot better today, so I wonder if she slept on that side and made it saw yesyerday or something. She's going downhill a little now as I put down her fishfinger laced with Metacam over an hour ago, and she's refusing to eat it The longer she leaves it, the worse she'll feel, and the less likely she'll be to eat. Silly moose.

[bobbys girl]

Does she like icecream? Willow loves it, that's how I give her Metacam. Just the tip of a teaspoon is enough. She licks the plate clean and gets a full dose of meds.

It might make a change for Lila?

[faerieevenstar]

Oooh.. ice-cream, I'd not thought that. I bet it would give her the quits knowing her tummy and any dairy. She didn't even like "cat milk"

She's actually finally eating the medicated fish finger now! *dance* She begged a Dreamie off me, (I thought it might pique her interest and set the tummy rumbling) and waited for more for ages until she finally gave up!

[faerieevenstar]

Went how we thought.. there is nothing more to do. Its actually progressed down towards her ear as well as too her lips. it's all ulcerated too. When he opened her mouth it looked like there was a pocket of pus (sorry for the TMI, but it looked very angry and upset) I felt bad for not noticing it had grown the other way, but tbh, I've been avoiding that area as I know it hurts her, so I only saw the lips when I opened her mouth to give the Metacam

He thinks we probably have a few more months with her.. But can't be precise. We're going back in two months, but, sadly, Mr Sender, my vet, is retiring so it will be someone else. He's put his miles in and I wished him well on his retirement, but I did trust him. The other vets (and even the receptionists and nurses and all other staff) are wonderful, but he was one who'd been there as long as my husband could remember, and he'd been taking his pets to the same vet since he was a little boy...

Managed not to cry.. It's been so hard to keep my poo together in front of Lila, but I didn't want her to be afraid. Mr Sender was, as usual, very kind. I really believe he cares, and he said how Lila was such a sweet cat, and it made me happy that he saw that, because he only sees her when she's afraid. The bit that made me wantt o cry the most was when it was time for her to go back in her box, she didn't want to go, and nuzzled head first into the crook of my arm in a "this isn't happening" way, like she wanted me to protect her... then she decided hiding in the back of the box was a good thing, but I just wanted to hold her forever

I can give her Metacam without food if I have to, which is good, but wee can't up the dose as she is on the 3.5kg cat dose, and is 3.69kg, so we really can't increase it at all So that means if the pain becomes too much, it's time to say goodbye, no matter what else.

I feel so heavy of heart that there's nothing to do but palliative care, but I feel the vets have done everything they can, and so have we, and we just need to keep that going until it's time. And it's not time yet, she's still quite playful actually. She sleeps a lot, but I don't blame her- that tumour must drain her resources! When she is awake, she's mostly happy and playful with only the occasional grump, and she ate well today, after the fish finger she had quite a few James Wellbeloved biscuits too.

Thanks for your support here guys. I know I only appeared here when this started and I've not taken part on the rest of the boards (yet) but the support here has meant a lot to me. Sometimes you just need Cat People to understand it all really. x

[Lilith]

Thinking about you both and lots of love x

[Crewella]

Don't worry about 'contributing', it's not important. You're 'cat people', and that's all that matters. I'm sorry it's not better news, just keep an eye on her and love her for the time you have left together. (((hugs)))

[bobbys girl]

Thinking about you. Gentle fusses to Lila. x

[greenkitty]

It's a terrible situation to find yourself in, I've been there myself very recently when Hector was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I opted for a palliative care over a very high risk operation (Hector was already not a well lad before the tumour), it was a decision I agonised over but now a few weeks down the line I know it was the right one. Hector had always been a fighter, he'd been through a lot health wise and I think it was a shock to find out that my lad wasn't invincible as silly as that sounds. Sadly Hector didn't have long after his diagnosis and a few days later I looked at him and could just tell he'd had enough and it was time. Trust your instincts, you know your girl best.

Fusses to Lila and a hug to you x

[faerieevenstar]

I changed the title of this thread, as this has become a sort of "diary" of Lila's SCC really.

I'm a little worried today, Lila has a very spot since she's been ill, under an acrylic blanket on the spare bed- I'd never seen her do it before, but she worked out how to get in between the layers of the blanket to make a lovely nest. That blanket is a very toasty one as it's like a thick felt wool, but actually acrylic. Anyway, last night she spent all night under it, when I had breakfast she was in the same spot when I checked on her, and by lunchtime when I checked again, she still hadn't moved, but even though she'd been there all that time, under a blanket, she was sort of cold. Not icy, but she was curled up tight, but sort of cool. She also had pus all over her face, so I gently cleaned it with a damp cotton pad, and then she got upset and came out of the nest and hid under the bed where I can't get her...

She's not gone back to her blanket fort since, and is on a cushion on my dressing table that gets the sun, and that seems to have warmed her up a little. I'm concerned that she was cold even in a nest that should have been really, really warm. Normally in that kind of nest, if I unfold it, it's like a little oven and she has a deep pink nose (her nose is a good temperature indicator- it's white when cold, and deep pink when she's hot!!)

I don't really want to put more layers on that bed in case it spoils her chosen nest or she can't get back in properly, but I wondered if anyone had ideas to keep it warmer in there? I'm guessing she must have infection in the SCC which is causing a temperature or something?

Where can I buy those heated pet pads/blankets from at a good price? She has two radiator beds, but she's chosen the nest she's got for a reason, I'm sure, so I'm trying to honour that choice if that makes sense?

Given the chance, she likes to be on my lap to steal my body heat, but obviously she needs some alone time too, like any cat, so I want to improve that nest if I can for her last bit of life.

Thanks all x

Edit: I'm looking at this: I'm looking at this I think.. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Pet-Remedy-Volt ... roduct_top" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

And Lila has just emerged downstairs to see me. She still feels on the cold side to me, but if she curls up on my lap now, that should help.

[Crewella]

I have something similar that has been passed down from elderly cat to elderly cat for years - my old Giddy had it, then Minnie, and now Pugwash has inherited it. They all love it and it really helps with their arthritis.

If you want something that's not limited to having to be near a socket, I use these heat pads that go in the microwave for the outdoors cats on cold nights:

http://www.petsathome.com/shop/en/pets/ ... e-heat-pad" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

And you can also get reflector pads that reflect the cats own heat back to them. I've not used those, but others on here have - apparently the cheaper ones can sound a bit 'crinkly' but they do work:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/WINTER-FLEECE-H ... rid_pt_1_0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

(I've just googled examples, no specific recommendations nor checked the best price! If you decide which you want, I usually find eBay does pretty well on price if you use eBay, or Amazon)

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Heated-Pet-Pa ... 3aa4947a3f" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Give Lila a gentle fuss from me. xx

[faerieevenstar]

Wonderfully, I posted abut this on my Facebook, and a friend who's cat recently passed away is sending me one of their heat pads. Isn't that lovely? It helped the lovely Mr Pie (their cat) in his last few months. I have some wondrous friends

I intended to do some baking this afternoon, but I'm being used as a bed on and off, and that's Very Important

edit: i just read that again and it sounds like the cat is posting me the heat pad.. but I think it makes enough sense- right??!

[Crewella]

That's lovely, I hope she enjoys it.

[faerieevenstar]

Had a little freak just now.. Lila climbed on me for a hug while I was at the computer, all happy and purry.... and blood was dripping out of her mouth

I dabbed it up pretty quickly, and I think it looked worse than it was (as is the way wioth oral bleeding), but I'm not sure what caused it. About an hour before that, she was sick, but it was nothing but clear liquid, but maybe the acid irritated it?

I just opened the 30ml bottle of Metacam... this is as big as they go. We had 3ml at first, then a 15ml, now we're on the Big Daddy pain meds. Thankfully she is actually eating her medicated food right now, so maybe it will hurt less even if it does bleed again.

I hate seeing her like this so much!

My friend said she'd post the heated bed tomorrow, so that should help, but we had some different friends to visit last night, they are cat people (they have 3 of their own) who actually came to visit Lila. not us! Lila was delighted- she loves her special friends, and she followed them round, played and rolled on the floor happily, showing off for them. She does seem to have up days and down days, because the day before that, she was all flat and tired and barely moved all day. Today she *seems* like she feels ok, apart from the vomit (it was literally a teaspoonful, nothing major) and the bleeding.

[booktigger]

I'm sorry to hear her tumour has started to bleed, my Sams tumour did that, I'd give the vet a ring tomorrow and see what they say

[faerieevenstar]

Is there a reason it would be bleeding other than just irritation? With it's position, she could have stretched it when yawning even :\

I'm not sure about phoning the vet. I suggested it to my husband, and he wasn't sure what they could do... we know she's dying, and we can't give her any more pain relief, I don't know the vet can actually help... I will ask for advice if it reoccurs, regardless, but I don't want to harass the surgery too much! Thanks x

[Lilith]

Hi, if there has been a discharge of pus, once the pus has come away you'll get blood and serum draining - and of course in Lila's case this will be diluted with saliva and look much more than it is. So at the moment the discharge of pus has cleared and although it's very distressing and frightening to see this blood after the pus, it's natural, it's a sort of cleansing. I'm not a vet, and hope I can explain enough until you do consult your vet.

Lila won't be distressed, she won't realise; it's worse for you to see and deal with this. A good vet won't mind you ringing and what questions you ask in a case like this, in my experience.

With all very best wishes to you and Lila, lots of love, Lil x

[faerieevenstar]

Lila has been like her old self a lot for the last few days. She's been sleeping less, playful, snuggly and happy. She's been following me around the house, watching what I'm doing like she normally does. I'm trying to stay aware that she will dip again, but for now it's just lovely to have my Lila back. She's loved having sunshine to sunbathe in again too

I'm not sure what I should do about cleaning her face. She seems to feel some relief once I've done it, and she can groom better afterwards (I compared her grooming with a sticky face/mouth to washing with a dirty flannel!) but the process upsets and hurts her and I seem to lose her trust for days afterwards. I'm torn. I've left it alone for a few days now and she trusts me more. The fur looks matted and it looks oozy, but she's happy enough so I don't want to mess with it right now.

The vet didn't tell me to clean it, so perhaps it's best to just leave it alone and groom her with the brush as I normally would to help her stay clean everywhere else. Does anyone have insight on that? Does cleaning the pus actually away help her at all? I couldn't imagine the taste of pus being in my mouth all the time, but that's me putting a human view on it... She is cross whole I clean it, of course, but then *seems* to have a sense of relief, whether that's relief I stopped poking her or relief of it feeling nicer I don't know.

I'm reading into this too much, sorry, I just want to do what's best and keep her as comfortable and happy as I can. We've got a good routine with her meds now. I feed her at dead on 5 with the medicated haddock. My husband is just leaving work at that time, so she eats before he gets home This is because she's more stressed when we're both around that we will grab her for the vet or whatever, and I can keep my distance from her bowl and she knows it's not an ambush then. This works because she then seems to eat it all at once and I don't have to keep coaxing her back to the bowl to finish her dose while the meds wear off, which is a fun battle!

[Lilith]

Hi, I'm glad she's stabilised atm but yes, the pus leaking on to her face...if she doesn't mind being stroked on her face (I think this was how you first found out about the cancer?) would she mind if you wrapped some damp kitchen roll round a hand and just gave her gentle face-rubs with it to get the worst off?

It's difficult - the dried pus will be impossible for her to clean and while it probably won't bother her, I'd feel the same as you, that I wanted to keep her poor face clean of the stuff. (My cat Shashi who had the same illness didn't seem to leak pus over her face in this way so I didn't have this problem with her.)

My wildest cat, a rescued feral tom, often came in soaked and he'd let me sponge him down with kitten (lol) kitchen roll in this way ('Just think of it as your mother's tongue!')

Glad she's still taking her meds on her food, good lass, yes she won't like the vet trips - it's so hard when you can't explain to them that you've got to do this for their sake.

Hope she continues to cope, and you too - thinking of you both, love, Lil x

[lilynmitz]

I'm sorry you and Lila are having such a tough time at the moment. I don't have anything to add to the good advice that's been given so far, but I do know what it's like to nurse a cat through difficult medical conditions, and just wanted to add some encouragement. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job with her, making her as comfortable as possible and surrounding her with love and a safe place to feel warm and happy. That's a big part of the battle. Hang on in there, these are tough but very special times, and Lila will be all the better for your loving care. Give her a gentle fuss from me. X

[bobbys girl]

I agree with all that has been said. You are doing a wonderful job with her. I know what it's like giving meds. (Try it in a multicat household where they wander from bowl to bowl, 'I like what you've got better than mine'. ) Lila is lucky to have you caring for her.

It's lovely to hear she is enjoying the sunshine. Tommy was positively frisky today. It is great to see that isn't it. It shows that they are still enjoying life.

Hugs to you and gentle fusses to Lila.

[Cussypat1974]

First of all, I think you are fantastic to be caring for her this way, especially as she has ups and downs. But is still finding one small pleasures in life and hasn't given up yet. It is such a hard situation for you, and I do know what you are going through.

As regards the pus, I would clean it. You say she seems to be more comfortable after you do it, and grooms herself better. These two things are so important to a cats well being, physically and psychologically. Pus is basically infected fluid, so cleaning it away will reduce the chances of her getting any secondary infection in her immuno-compromised condition. A few seconds of her being annoyed while you do it is better than staying covered in pus for hours, at least that is my take on it, and although we haven't covered palliative care on my nursing course yet, we have been taught that cleanliness is far better than godliness!

I hope you are both having a good day, and I wish every cat "owner" were even a fraction as caring as you are. Big cuddles to Lila whe she fancies some, and hugs to you too. Xxx

[faerieevenstar]

Aww thanks so much. Sadly, the pus is less of an issue right now, it's more just blood. She's not having a good day today.

The day started well, I got her from her blanket fort and gave her a huge cuddle before I had breakfast and she purred the second I held her I checked on her after I'd eaten and cleaned my teeth etc, and she'd gone back to the fort and left spots of blood all across the blanket, and I could see all blood on her face. I think another chunk of necrotic tissue came off when she was grooming and it left a wound I think it looked worse than it was, and I panicked a bit and grabbed my husband, then I remember it always LOOKS like more blood than it is. She's spent all of the rest of the day in the fort and looking grumpy. We showed her it was a lovely sunny day and she wasn't interested, but has gone to her radiator bed now, and that will get a bit of evening sun, so that's something.

I think it's starting to get harder to eat. She ate while my husband and I were out at the gym, and when we got back there were bits of food traipsed around near the dish, which isn't like her, and then another piece up on her bed upstairs, so I get the feeling it hadn't been easy to eat, which makes sense given the extra bleeding and the fact I think she's lost more tissue there. Hopefully I'll get to SEE her eat later to see if she is struggling. That worries me,a s we have agreed that when she can't eat, it's time. She can still eat, but it's only a matter of time now

This all seems to be happening too fast... Hopefully we've still got some more happy, playful times ahead, and this morning's cuddle was lovely Yesterday she followed me around all day as well, and everywhere I sat, she wanted to sit with me. I've set up her heated bed for her now too. She's not convinced by it yet, but she has sat on it once or twice at least!

This cat of mine has some fight in her yet, and while she still has fight, so do I

[Lilith]

Ah poor lass, but yes, if she can go on eating...

If you've got a blender/liquidiser, you could try mushing up her haddock in that with a drop of water to make a paste that she can lick. There are loads of fishy mousses etc on the market of course but it's clear she loves her haddock.

I've recently discovered some stuff called 'Critical Care Formula' for all animals, which is a powder containing vitamins and nutrients and which is dissolved in water. I'm sure your vet can advise you better on this, but I wonder if adding something like this to her food would do any good. I haven't tried the Critical Care myself yet but got it from Amazon; your vet might stock it too.

I do hope she gets over this bad patch and goes on surviving. Lots of love and hugs to you both x

[bobbys girl]

Sorry to hear about Lila. She must be feeling poorly if she is not interested in the sunshine.

Lilith's suggestion about adding water to her food is a good one. Someone (might have been Lilith) suggested I added a little warm water to Tommy's food. I've been doing that the last couple of days and he now cleans the plate!

Hope she picks up and that you can all enjoy the warm, Spring sunshine.

[faerieevenstar]

I will try that I think. I put out a tiny bit of Applaws food today with the meds in instead of haddock, as I know cats are neophiles so I thought it might intrigue her, but she took one look and ran off :\

I noticed yesterday that the cat flap is hurting her face now too- she winced when she tried to use it yesterday. She's an indoor cat, but we're so crazy we have internal cat flaps, because she doesn't like feeling trapped in a room- one in the bedroom door and one in the living room door. I was going to tape them open like we did when she first got used to them when they were new, but as it's warm, I'm just propping the doors open for her.

I actually gave her a sprinkle of catnip last night, and it's the first time she's ever ignored it. She walked away... it's still on the floor now... That worries me a little. It's very unlike her.

She's been in her blanket fort again today, ignoring the sunshine. I got her out to show her the food, and she went straight back up. She just wants peace today. I'm worried she's going downhill quickly.

I intend to phone my vet tomorrow for advice really as she's deteriorated significantly since the last consult, and I want to check I'm still doing everything I can do.

I said to my husband yesterday that I feel so conflicted. I hug part of me wants her to live forever, no matter what, and another part wants this to end now so she doesn't have to get any worse. I don't think it's time yet, but I can feel it approaching, and it hurts. It would be selfish to keep her forever... she's hurting now, but she does still have moments where she's happy, but those moments are getting smaller, and I can see there will be a time when they've stopped all together.

I feel like we have grieved so much already, almost like she's *already* dead if that makes sense? I suppose we've grieved the future we thought we had.

Sorry I'm sounding so down today. I'm trying to keep upbeat and positive, but it worries me when I can't get the meds into her (and syringing them seems impractical now- I don't think I can open her jaw- it's so deteriorated, it would be agony to pry it open!) and it worries me when she's not doing anything but hiding and sleeping, but she knows what she needs to do- cats self-regulate quite well, and I respect that.

[JulieandBarney]

I was in tears reading this post.....I so feel for you, believe me I have been there and it hurts....

Please, please, do not take this in any way other than it is meant, because I truly understand your spredicament and feelings...it sounds like Lila is in pain and uncomfortable, you would not wish her to be this way any longer, it must be breaking your heart to watch her deteriorate so much. As humans, we have the capacity to end the pain and suffering of our beloved pets, in the most dignified, kind way, which as humans we are denied. I think you know in your heart of hearts that "wanting her to live forever' in pain and discomfort is not what you would ever wish for her.

Please think beyond your own hurt and pain and as you have always done, do the best for Lila.....do not wait until she is in such pain that it will break your heart even more so...it is very true that it is always 'better a day too early than a day too late.....'.....bless you, lila needs you to do what is right for her now.....I wish you every strength, we all understand...xxxx

[booktigger]

Personally, if she is losing interest in food and just wants to sleep and hide, I think it's time. As you said, she's hurting and sadly that isn't going to get any better

[Lilith]

Poor girl.

I know what you mean about part of you wishing her suffering to be over. I think the best owners do face the facts like this. It would be wonderful if she could pick up and have a bit longer with you, but ...

Yes, I agree about not trying to get anything down her via syringe. It was the same with Shashi; I'm good at getting meds down cats, but not Shashi.

She will just sleep and do her own thing...it's so good that you're so close to her and understanding and practical too; whatever happens, no cat could have a better nurse.

As always, thinking of you both, lots of love, Lil x

ps Bobbysgirl, I don't think it was me who recommended the warm water with Tommy's food, don't want to take credit, but glad it helped him.

[faerieevenstar]

I will have a chat with the husband when he gets home lately...

She has been eating her biscuits happily, so I don't know if it's just the medicated food that she's put off. She's always preferred biscuits to wet food, but I can't really put Metacam liquid on biscuits...

You might be right. It doesn't feel like time, but maybe we need to talk about it. I feel a sadness coming from her most of the time, and I don't like that at all. She picks up now and then, but she can't live the rest of her life feeling so sad...

I don't want to say goodbye.. she's my best friend. But because she's my best friend, I can't let her down either.