Taking in a stray

[Squidge595]

Hi,

I'm new to the forum. I have a few questions about my current situation. It might be a long read - my apologies!

My fiancé and I have 2 cats; Daisy, a 4-5 year old rescue cat and Franklin, a 1.5 year old who we've had from a kitten.

So here goes; about a year ago some neighbours across the road moved house and after a while it became apparent that they had left their two young cats behind . Their little ginger male immediately moved in with a family down the street. The other, a black and white male was living outside and getting food wherever he could.

Over the summer our kitchen door was often open and he began to come in for a bit of food. My cats seemed pretty ok with this - all 3 would eat together. My cats only became cautious if he ventured further into the house.

After a while I noticed that other neighbours had stopped feeding him and he was getting very thin. I took him to my vet and had him examined, flea treated and wormed. He has now been dubbed 'Oscar'.

Several months pass. I'm feeding Oscar whenever he comes around. My cats treat him with suspicion but not aggression.

About 2 weeks ago he came back around (it had been a while) and his skin was awful. Red, raw, bleeding, puss. The whole shebang. Off to the vets. He has a very allergic reaction to flea bites. I made a decision. He had an antibiotic shot (his skin is much better), and I arranged to have him neutered and microchipped, now done. He is on a list for my local shelter but they are currently full.

I've been keeping Oscar in while he heals and also because this weekend is bonfire night so I want him to be safe. I designated him a safe room and we kept him in there for the first couple of days. Maybe I jumped ahead too quick in letting him walk around the house already but I didn't know if I needed to do introductions as my cats have been seeing him regularly for nearly so year now.

I have lost all perspective on how things are going. It's only been a couple of days but I am so confused! He is still shut in his safe room overnight and while we are out. Interactions with my have included eating side by side, sniffing, touching noses and sleeping on the same bed. However there is also quite a bit of hissing and growling and have been minor conflicts. I'm confused because one minute my cats will act completely fine with Oscar and half an hour later they will growl at him and seem intimidated.

On his part he is totally laid back - even when they growl he tends to just ignore them.

Should I let them get on with it, or do I need to go back a few steps and try introducing them again? I'm stressing myself out over this.

Thanks for reading!

[Lilith]

Hi Squidge and welcome, and good on you for caring for Oscar. How can people just abandon their cats eh? I've just heard a similar story myself today...some humans...

In your place my personal feeling would be to let them get on with it; in a multi-cat household there are always odd squabbles or grumbles, but from what you say there seem to be no power-games and no bullying; in fact Oscar, the newcomer, takes it all in his stride. Certainly be vigilant but they sound to be shaking down ok to me ...just behaving like communal cats. I have 2 ex-ferals, 14 and 15, who have known each other all their lives, and every so often they have a bit of a squeak and paw-box and tussle, bless them

All the best and please let us know how you go on

[Squidge595]

Hi, thanks for your response.

My other concern is that my other half and I are disagreeing on what to do next. I feel that we should keep working on improving Oscars condition and see how things go with our cats before making a decision. We are financially able to support 3 cats, and if they can learn to co exist it means Oscar can stay in his familiar area and be spared the ordeal of living in a pen and moving to a new home. I also think this would save a pen at the local shelter for another cat that may need rehoming more urgently.

Other half is concerned about the impact on our cats and thinks we should move him on as quickly as possible. He is very fond of Oscar, as am I. But Franklin has always been our "baby" and my fiancé is concerned about a change in dynamic. He's worried that Frank has been more subdued than usual.

Maybe I'm being soft because ultimately I want to know where Oscar is and if he's ok, and the easiest way to do that is to look after him ourselves. Am I right in thinking Franklin will go back to normal with time? Or do you think other half is right that the dynamic will never be the same and the sooner we rehome the kinder we are being?

I'm interested in any and all opinions. Thanks again!

[Lilith]

Hi, yes, I was wondering if in fact Oscar might stay with you - do hope so.

As to integration, a new cat will always change things. The dynamics - is that the right word? of the setup will always be different - but not necessarily for the worse. It's been a very very short time since Oscar moved in and though your two know him pretty well it still takes some getting used to. Everyone will be subdued, and it's a big change for you and your fiance too. A bit like a new baby - however wanted, it's still a life-change. Franklin's had a lot of love and security which should stand him in good stead; he WILL be cross, and blow his top; he sounds that sort of cat, bless him, some just are, and I'm sure you're 'specialling' him. I wouldn't be too concerned about hisses and growls; these are just normal cat-communication to 'back off' and so on and not the start of a full-blown fight.

I remember when, after my feral girls had moved in, a tom turned up, clearly another feral, in need of food and medical attention, and I got him neutered and brought him into the house to recuperate. Emily, my eldest, knew him very well. One of her kittens at least had been fathered by him, and he'd been boss of the neighbourhood before the feral girls were spayed and had moved in with me. Emmy was disgusted. She hit him. He'd no right in HER house, she said. I expected him never to speak to me again after the outrage to his manhood, but he DID move in permanently, and Emily was fine; scarcely noticed him, in fact. it just took time.

Plus, he would have smelled strongly of the vet surgery, and even cats who are bosom friends can fall out if one goes for neutering, or a dental, and comes back smelling of the dreaded vet - which I'm wondering, might also be the case here. Could be that they tolerate Oscar's presence ok and then suddenly get a whiff of Vet, and it 's - who are you? We don't know YOU!

You could try rubbing Oscar down with something Franklin's slept on, or alternatively a used garment of yours, like a t shirt, that carries human body scent, to make the poor chap smell more like 'home', and it might just help in this case.

Hopefully other people will be along with more advice, and do hope everything settles down soon, fusses to your gang and please keep updating

[Ruth B]

I have to agree with everything Lilith has said. There will be growling and hissing as they settle in, possibly even traded blows but as long as they aren't hurting each other then there isn't really a problem. My Tiggy has a nasty right hook she still uses on Saturn and he has been here 18 months, but always with claws in, just her way of saying that whatever he thinks she is still the top cat.

Make sure you give Franklin extra fuss and attention so he doesn't feel his nose is being pushed out and everything will settle down, it may take a bit of time and like humans living together there will be times when one turns to the other and says 'just leave me alone', they just use a hiss or swipe to get the message across.

Also I will add my thanks for taking care of Oscar particularly tonight with all the fireworks going off.

[Mayday21]

Hi Squidge & welcome. My three musketeers get on famously but this morning TC & Snow Girl have had a growl & bat & then Snow had a spat with Harper. "Hey you three no fighting". Hope you & your fiancé decide to let Oscar move in permanently. Vivian

[Squidge595]

Thanks everyone!

I really appreciate your input. It's funny, if someone else asks me for advice I'm really quite objective, but when it's MY cats I get totally clouded and lose all perspective. It's like my brain gets filled with fluff.

I'm glad we've been able to take care of him over bonfire night. I think he might be one of those creepy uppy kind of cats where I repeatedly assure OH "yes darling, of COURSE we're rehoming him "....and three years later he's forgotten all about it. hah.

It's still a bumpy road. The others aren't particularly happy. I'm just hoping time will help.

In the meantime, Oscar's scars are healing over really nicely. The big one on his chest is a lot better, and hopefully the patches in his fur will grow over soon. Here's a couple of pics. I think he's a really handsome boy. Oh and that's Franklin in the background of the last one, so that's what it CAN be like....about 10% of the time lol.

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edit: this is my first time posting pictures, if you can't see them let me know and I'll try again

[Lilith]

Oooo what a great big gorgeous ruffian, love his black 'beard'

Love your 'daycore' too - I'm a retro cream and green fanatic myself lol.

All the best for the settling in; it IS early days and I think they've made a great start, please give Oscar and Franklin and Daisy a big love from me x

[Crewella]

As has been said, things may never go back to they way they were with your own cats, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they will be unhappy. Cat politics are an ever-changing negotiation, but it actually sounds as though your three are doing pretty well. All of my cats have had to go through the introductions phase with the rest of the gang and some have taken longer than others to really find their place in the household and settle in properly, but they all have done and a couple of months down the line, when everybody knows where they stand, all has been well. They need to go through that phase of hissing and grumbling in order to test the boundaries with each other, and as with all couples or flatmates there will always be the occasional dispute!

Bless you for taking care of him, and I hope it all works out smoothly.

[Mayday21]

Hi Squidge everything looks aok - Oscar looks like he has purrsonality. Love the pics. Vivian

[bobbys girl]

I agree, it looks like you are a three cat family now. All the best,

Sue x