Death advice - not happy reading

[exlibris]

Hi all,
This could be distressing, so please consider this before reading on.

My cat, Twitch, passed away last night. I just wanted to write some advice for anyone who might find themselves in a similar situation and might remember what I have written when that time comes. Sorry if I've put this in a bad location, but I couldn't think of where else to post it as this is advice that is needed to be known before you're in that situation.

Twitch passed away peacefully at home without an assistance. We left her where she died, on her favourite place, an old comfy dressing gown. This was partly so our other cat could see her and understand what had happened (he was not distressed by this, btw). An unconsidered result of this was when I came to move her a few hours later, rigor mortis had set in. It was very distressing, for so many reasons. I didn't know what to do, so I just found a massive box in the attic to put her in.

The advice online, and what I didn't see until it was too late, is that when your pet dies it is best to arrange them into a better position soon after - something peaceful and less likely to do anything distressing when moved.

Sorry to depress everyone

[Lilith]

No, this isn't depressing - it's one of the things everyone needs to know, but I'm so sorry Twitch has left you. It was good that she could go naturally at home, far better than the awful ritual of the vet visit and needle which is what every owner dreads, and so good that you could leave her for a while on her own bed, as if sleeping. I once left one of mine like this, she died in the afternoon - and on the radio came the piece, 'Pavane for a Dead Princess', as she lay in state with spring flowers put around her ... I won't apologise for the sentimentality - we need these gestures.

However, rigor mortis goes off. If she hasn't done so already, Twitch will be limp and pliable soon and it will be easy to arrange her as needed.

Again all my sympathies, sleep tight little Twitch x

[Mayday21]

RIP Twitch. I was able to arrange Mayday in her favourite sleeping position. Rigor's not a pleasant thing to witness but alas is part of the passing process. Hope you take a bit of comfort from our posts. Vivian

[bobbys girl]

True, it's not a pleasant or easy subject to talk about, but thank you for this post. As dedicated cat owners (servants) many of us have been through this. But there are folks who haven't and this post may help them - sometime.

Knowing it would happen, I arranged Tommy into a more 'comfortable' and natural position on a towel that I later used as a shroud. Then I let the others decide if they wanted to see him. Purdy did, Grace came into the room and immediately turned around, Willow watched from the doorway, Bob sat and watched me.

[Kay]

I had a grave dug ready for Trigger days before I decided it was time to let him go, because I was afraid I might not find anyone to dig a deep enough hole if I left it until he was already dead - it sounds macabre but if anything I found it comforting to be able to look out of the kitchen window and know where he would be

and with him being euthanized at home I could arrange for a friend to help me bury him almost right away, and that made it seem like a proper little funeral - he was buried in the patio and I put a large pot over the grave, planted up with bulbs for the following spring

[Lilith]

I have a 'macabre' story too, Kay - good word; it comes from the Hebrew for 'grave digger'.

My blue-point Siamese Jacinth, mother to Majdhar, the 'dead princess' had to be pts on 18 Oct 1998 after a sudden kidney collapse. I tend to be practical around these things but I couldn't leave Jassy at the vet's for cremation, and brought her home to be buried.

Three months later Adrian, my then husband, and I decided to split up - we still love each other but married life wasn't for us. I left that house and set up on my own, Adrian eventually found another partner, who is also my friend, and in 2003 they moved house.

I couldn't let go of Jassy's grave. What if new people dug her up? So I dug her up. There was nothing unsavoury; Nature had done its work. I brought her home and replanted her in my container garden, in a terracotta pot topped with gravel and sea pebbles, where she is to this day.

It's crazy really I know - once a cat, or person, or anything dies, its body is empty of that being. I once read of it being compared to 'old clothes' and that is a perfect description, but it's all we have left of that being who has left us.

I hope you've been able to rearrange Twitch by now, Ex Libris (hugs) and as Bobbys Girl says, this is a very useful thread for anyone unprepared for death, take care, love, Lil x

[Ruth B]

We all react differently to death, and no reaction is really wrong in my mind, although I do find having a taxidermist prepare the pet for display on the mantelpiece a little on the odd side.

Mine have all been put to sleep at the vets, I think by taking them, even if deep down I know it's their last trip, i am fooling myself into thinking there might be a better outcome and it is just a normal visit with an ill pet. When they have gone, and on one occasion I swear I saw 'something' leave, then for me what is left is just a carcass and I feel no attachment to it and I am happy to let the vets send it for cremation.

Perhaps one of the more macabre options I have heard about that does vaguely appeal to me is that there was a company at one time that would take the ashes from the cremation and using heat and pressure turn it into an artificial diamond (normally slightly on the yellow side due to the other elements in there) so you could incorporate it into jewelry. I can just imagine the aging crazy cat lady in a home somewhere with her favourite diamond necklace and when someone happens to ask about it 'well that one is fluffy and that one is....'

[bobbys girl]

A little off topic I know but when we moved into our old house in England (1975) we found a concrete gravestone that read, 'here sleeps Sheila, a tiny scrap of dog'. We straightened it up and left it to become part of the garden. Many years later I was walking my dog in the park and fell into conversation with a lady who told me she had live in the same small road as us ... the SAME house! Sheila was her mother's beloved pet and tears came to her eyes when I said the stone was still there. I would like to think it still is.

[Antonio]

This is the reason why when a cat is put to sleep the vets use to curl the poor body of the cat so that it stays in position when the rigor mortis comes in.
I did the same when my sweet Lola died, I'd rather see her in a sleeping position and her eyes closed.

Sorry for your loss!

[Lilith]

There's a big park close to me and at the edge of some woods there used to be a pets' graveyard ... a tall headstone big enough for a human was inscribed simply - 'My Mouse'.

Apparently it was vandalised recently and graffitied and they've dismantled it now

[bobbys girl]

[LittlePenBigHeart]

That's really good advice, actually. When our last cat passed away it was at home and we were lucky in that he was collected by the most wonderful feline mortuary I've come across. But had we left him longer we might have been stuck in a very similar position.

I'm so sorry that your beloved Twitch passed away. The pain of losing a beloved furry family member is overwhelming at times but I'm sure you know it does get easier over time. I hope you have someone you can be with right now. (((((hugs))))