What gender to get?

[lilynmitz]

Hi all, not sure if this is the right forum for this query but here goes anyway. I have a sweet little 4/5 yo female puss called Elsie, who loves other cats. Sadly we lost her little male companion, Ziggy, last November to a ghastly spinal embollism, he was not quite 4yo, but there was nothing could be done and it left us devastated. We will be looking to bring another little puss home in May, but I've always had male+female duos up to now. Does anyone have any views on whether a female companion for Elsie might work, or are mixed gender pairs best? I know it depends on the personality of each cat, and the most important factor in our search is to find another cat-friendly cat, but any general comments would be welcome.

[Lilith]

Hi, I've also found lads to be soppier and more adaptable, and if Elsie's a gentle soul you won't want a new cat who's too assertive ... perhaps an older boy who needs a good home?

On the other hand, sometimes, if you go with your gut feeling, you may choose a cat, kitten, whatever sex, who is perfect ...

It's a problem, but hope you find the right cat for you and that they find you

[booktigger]

I'm sorry to hear about Ziggy, I always prefer mixed pairs unless they are related.

[lilynmitz]

Thanks Desley and Lilith. When we first had Elsie the rescue suggested a young male that she could “bully”, in her sweet little way. Ziggy was a tiny little scaredy cat, but so sweet natured, so he fitted the bill perfectly (he was subordinate to everything but birds and mice!) and they were best friends from the very start. But one rescue I’m looking at has so many young timid black females I’d like to be able to offer one of these a home, but worried about whether two females will get along. It’s such a dilemma. I just want to do the right thing for both of them.

I also tend to think females are less hassle than males - they don’t seem to get into trouble or wander as much!

[booktigger]

I've been in that position! Ironically I decided to get a female as I thought they would be less trouble, I unfortunately picked a cat with half a dozen behavioural problems that is intolerant of other cats! I wouldn't have two females through choice

[Ruth B]

Personally I think in the end it depends far more on the cats in question than their specific genders. I have had two females, when one died I got a male, granted he was a Ragdoll so that did play a part in his behaviour, when the other female died i got another female, and when the Ragdoll went I got two youngsters one male one female, and finally i have just taken in another aging female, so at the moment I am at 3 females to 1 male, and I think i prefer females.

Blue the Ragdoll really got on with the female moggy i had when we adopted him. However he was never as close to the female we got to replace her, they lived together in peace, but were never gave the impression of being friends. When Blue died, Tiggy was about 13 which is why I opted for two youngsters thinking they would play together and give her peace. They were 6 months old, the girl was extremely nervous and was gaining confidence from her friendship with the male cat. However over the couple of years I have had them the dynamics have really changed, Saturn is very much his own cat, does as he pleases and uses the house more like a hotel, he also is an incredible antagonist to Tiggy, not aggressively, but teasing her endlessly. Freyja on the other hand has turned her attention to Tiggy to gain confidence and follows her around. Saturn is incredibly affectionate when he wants to be, but it is very much when he wants it.

Stroppy the latest addition is 17 and was my Mothers cat so it is a big upheaval for her moving in with my three. Her and Tiggy are both alpha females and settling down is taking some time. Freyja on the other hand seems submissive to most cats and seems like she wants to know Stroppy and Stroppy doesn't seem quite so threatened by her. Although there is some hissing I am sure they will all settle down in time.

Personally unless I knew a male cat was rather submissive like Blue was I think I would always opt for females in future. They do seem to wander less, and can be just as affectionate. They also seem to be more empathic, when I'm feeling down or ill it is always one of the girls that comes and cuddles up with me like they know I need them.

Personally I don't think you would have a problem with one of the shy little girls, but I would steer clear of any obviously dominant cats.

[Sniper1]

In my experience which is vast being in rescue and having a multicast household for many years the girls are generally much more amiable with each other and if not friends are at least not enemies if theres any agro its usually one of the lads causing it

[alanc]

My experience has been limited to male and female pairs (mine) and male pairs (next doors) - all of whom have seemed to get on with each other quite happily. No experience of female pairs, so can't give an opinion. Unlike Ruth, I have found that my male cats have been more empathic and certainly more friendly (at least until the girls start getting old, when they all seem to have mellowed a bit).

[Kay]

I have found that a resident female tends to be Queen Bee when it comes to a newbie, of either sex, but if the newbie is submissive that isn't a problem

I myself would avoid in your situation a cat which has come into rescue after years of being an only cat - one from a multi-cat household will probably have learned to be put in his or her place a few times, so should be easier to integrate